(no subject)
I've started meditating. I've done it before, once or twice in a group, guided situation, and then a few times sort of half assed using a podcast to attempt to get my flying anxiety under control (which sort of worked). I am trying now to make it an every day thing, just like 15, 20 minutes a day.
So its been three days, and I am feeling good that I have successfully taken time to meditate every one of those days. Its difficult, but I am getting somewhere. The first day I was just like, woah my ideas are making crazy shapes in my mind! They are all small and wiggly! This is hard! But I got my shit together and eventually things did calm down a bit. Yesterday I hardly had any time, but I gave it a shot anyway. It wasn't the most successful attempt, but I am glad I took the time out anyway. Even 10 minutes of quiet with no internet, no phone, no mass transit, no other people is a huge deal for me these days.
Today I finished took care of the laundry and the emails and everything I needed to address, and then really took the time to get down to business. It took a while for me to settle down of course, but I did get into a more meditative state. When I got there though, I had some complicated feelings. One of the feelings was triumph and excitement, look at me, I'm totally doing it!!! But that was distracting of course. I tried to pass through that and focus on breathing. And then...I just felt...a lot of feelings. I teared up. I wasn't sad, I haven't been sad. But I was...in that moment when I was finally quiet, I really felt overwhelmed. By nothing in particular and by everything in existence.
I'm not trying to be new agey or anything, I'm just trying to be healthy and relax. But I'm intrigued by what I apparently don't know about how I feel.
So its been three days, and I am feeling good that I have successfully taken time to meditate every one of those days. Its difficult, but I am getting somewhere. The first day I was just like, woah my ideas are making crazy shapes in my mind! They are all small and wiggly! This is hard! But I got my shit together and eventually things did calm down a bit. Yesterday I hardly had any time, but I gave it a shot anyway. It wasn't the most successful attempt, but I am glad I took the time out anyway. Even 10 minutes of quiet with no internet, no phone, no mass transit, no other people is a huge deal for me these days.
Today I finished took care of the laundry and the emails and everything I needed to address, and then really took the time to get down to business. It took a while for me to settle down of course, but I did get into a more meditative state. When I got there though, I had some complicated feelings. One of the feelings was triumph and excitement, look at me, I'm totally doing it!!! But that was distracting of course. I tried to pass through that and focus on breathing. And then...I just felt...a lot of feelings. I teared up. I wasn't sad, I haven't been sad. But I was...in that moment when I was finally quiet, I really felt overwhelmed. By nothing in particular and by everything in existence.
I'm not trying to be new agey or anything, I'm just trying to be healthy and relax. But I'm intrigued by what I apparently don't know about how I feel.