[fic] [ffx-2] Persistence of Memory (3/3) (Paine/Nooj, Baralai/Gippal)

[heyheyrenay]

Title: Persistence of Memory | Part One • Part Two • Part Three
For: owlmoose
Medium: Fanfiction
Request(s): FFX-2 - Paine/Nooj, their first kiss. Funny and awkward, or thoughtful and angsty, or leaping on each other like crazed voles, or a little bit of all three: it's all good. Fandom(s): Final Fantasy X-2
Characters/Pairings: Paine/Nooj, Baralai/Gippal
Rating/Warnings: G / worksafe / piles and piles of sphere/pyrefly meta
Feedback: Sure.
Spoilers: X and X-2
Word Count: 23,926

Summary: Paine and Nooj went their separate ways, but when a mutual friend and shared industry bring them back together, they must work side by side and face their respective truths of an unfriendly parting.

Notes: here.

( Part One )

( Part Two )



True to her prediction, Baralai was livid. The news didn't break for hours after her return, but she had Gippal tell Baralai her side, at any rate-she didn't want him to see it on the sphere reports. Isaaru barely talked him out of banning Shelinda's coverage of the anniversary ball, but nothing could save her regular press access from being suspended. Isaaru walked around deflated, like he had already given up.

"He's abusing the press," Isaaru told her that evening, after the report was out and she was once again plastered all over every sphere in Spira. "If he keeps ripping access away from reporters for being reporters…well, it won't be good for New Yevon. He has to learn that reporters are…"

"Assholes?" Paine suggested.

"I wouldn't put it quite like that."

"He'll get over it."

Isaaru rolled his eyes. "I suggested giving Davit's press pass back earlier than the three week suspension and he kicked me out of his office."

"Was Gippal there?" Paine asked, because even if her life was some great gossip rag joke, poking fun at Isaaru made it worthwhile. "Maybe it's not why you think."

Isaaru gave her a wounded look. "As if I don't suffer enough, Paine. Go play with your spheres."

Yuna called, Rikku called, Gippal and Baralai carefully didn't talk about it, Rikku called a few more times, and Yuna finally called Gippal and threatened to come up there unless Paine called her back.

She didn't. She was over it-done, and she didn't want to cry on Yuna's shoulder long-distance. The press wanted drama in a world with very little. It was easier to hide in her workroom and listen to spheres, write down the words, trace over the history Trema had left behind, as mind-numbing as it was.

Nooj came back three days after her run-in with Shelinda, walking into the workroom in the late afternoon, fresh from travel. He didn't even bother saying hello. "So you gained us required escorts while I was away," he said. He was darker than when he had left, skin golden, eyes bright against it. She could smell the oil on him from the airship. "Also, the news has been fascinating the last few days. I never believed I would see two grown men discuss my sex life."

Paine threw down her pencil. "What do you want me to say?" she asked. "Isaaru coached me, but never about what to say if they asked if I was sleeping with you and keeping it from the world, as if they have a right to know anyway."

"You gave her what she wanted," Nooj said. He was angry. It was all over him as he leaned over her work counter. "'No comment', of all things. That was too many words, Paine. 'No' would have sufficed. Instead, 'no comment'. You might as well have said-why yes, I'm having a wild affair."

She stood up to meet his gaze, held on to the edge of the counter, squeezed hard. "Did you come here to start a fight over this?"

"I was mobbed by reporters when I returned to Djose and I had no clue why. Imagine my surprise when they asked me. Imagine what I said. So simple. One word."

"Well, thanks, I figured that out for myself three seconds after it happened, but I'm glad I've got you to point out every time I screw up so I don't miss them." She wanted to throw something at him, but little here belonged to her. All she had was words. "Maybe I should have told her the truth."

"Oh, and what truth might that be?"

She faltered, because she had never, ever planned to share her feelings with him. He didn't care, he had made it clear, except for when he did care and confused her. She wasn't going to reward him with her private thoughts. "Forget it," she said, shutting her notebook, pulling her things toward her. "You-I don't even want to be around you like this."

"Oh, far be it from me to disturb you." Sharp words. She could almost reach out and cut herself on them. He opened his satchel, pulled out a box-and one of her spheres. "The project is completed-the last sphere done. I'll leave you to take the credit." He sat the sphere on the table, sparkling, memory swirling from his touch. "Try to stay away from the press."

He left as suddenly as he had come, slamming the door as he went. Last words weren't good enough, and he had played dirty. She reached out and picked the sphere up, cupped it in her hands, anger melting away to make way for curiosity. The sphere he had been working on-he must have fixed it, but why?

Her spheres were warmer than older types; like something alive in her hand. They were more sensitive, too, the memory swirling up to meet her as she cupped it to watch.

It wasn't the clarity of the scene that startled her, the colors no longer tinged with green when the memory took shape; it was the fact Trema and Rin graced the scene-obviously relaxed, comfortable. Paine hadn't realized they knew each other at all.

"You've done good work for Spira," Rin said. "Your Seekers have found over one hundred spheres from the past."

"Yes, yes." Trema paced in front of his fireplace; quarters Paine recognized, because she had sat on the couch Rin occupied just a few days ago. "Much good it does them, looking backward through time instead of toward their own future. At times I believe I've made a mistake with this lark of seeking-that I should restrict their access, encourage them to find other hobbies."

Rin made a noncommittal noise. "Or you could take me up on my offer. I'm prepared to add more to the previous amount, if need be."

"Ha!" Trema spun around. "Your library of spheres. A clever way to set yourself up as the controller of every sphere that is discovered from now until you succumb to the spiral."

"Of course not. Spheres belong to us all, which is why it troubles me that people outside this New Yevon cannot see them. It troubles me that every Al Bhed that doesn't belong to this group has been refused when seeking to watch the spheres." Rin cocked his head. "The ones that have been permitted to watch have done so through what seems to be illegal means."

"Oh, Nooj." Trema waved a hand. "So bothersome, so fixated on some event in this past that will make his life mean something; good deeds to atone for whatever it is that haunts him. Yes, I'm aware he has been allowing several people to view the spheres, letting them into the temple against my orders."

"You don't seem concerned."

"It's of no consequence to me. I will do what I must to ensure we don't lose ourselves in times gone by. No, Rin, I cannot sell my spheres to you-it would only make the affliction my Seekers have acquired spread to everyone else."

Rin stood. "It is a mistake hoarding them. It will backfire for you and this way of life you seek to maintain."

"You think so." Smug, just like Paine remembered him from the Via. Smug and superior.

"Your New Yevon will pay the price for your fear of the past. You do not give your people enough credit to look both forward and back in time. It is quite possible. The Al Bhed have done it for centuries."

"Yes, and look how well that's worked out for you."

Rin said nothing.

"Don't glare at me so. I only wish to do what's best for my seekers and Spira as a whole during these times."

"You have a very strange idea what 'best' means," Rin said. "As always, if you change your mind, I am always available."

He left the visible area, and Paine heard a door open and close. Trema remained by the fire for a few moments before walking toward the sphere.

"That man will be problematic," he murmured. "Five times now, he's asked." His shadow blocked the light, and the sphere went dark, except for his voice, under-the-breath mutterings Paine couldn't make out, until-"It is time. The spheres must go."

The sphere lightened again as that memory ended, the blank patch of time between this memory and whatever might have been recorded next. Paine's stared at the cloudy, swirling liquid and carefully set the sphere onto the table. Suddenly, all Baralai's security and care made more sense-and the secrecy, as well. She couldn't imagine any official in New Yevon wanted the world to know that their founder had destroyed Spira's best historical resource for no reason other than he didn't approve of how people interacted with it, or how it changed their lives. Paine had considered Trema's words in the Via damning, but buried forever-with this sphere, everyone could know.

She stared at it, sparkling under the light. It was beautiful and damning-Nooj had recreated the one thing that might topple New Yevon for good.

"So that's what he meant," Baralai said. "He said there's more a few scenes later that are even more damning."

Paine looked up-she hadn't even heard him come in. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough. He told me and then stomped away. Gippal's gone after him, but nothing riles him up like that but...you."

"We had a fight."

"Clearly."

Paine wasn't interested in giving Baralai the highlights this time. "He must have done this himself. I didn't repair this sphere." She shook her head. "So much for all those times he wouldn't even attempt the copy."

"You're the best preservationist in Spira." Baralai pulled a stool over to sit beside her. "He wanted to learn from you; he wanted to see you."

"Are you about to admit to meddling?"

Baralai flushed. "Trema was his mentor…and then there was you. He almost begged for us to attach him when he found out we were asking you. I was so sure you'd say no, but then Isaaru…" He shook his head.

Paine stared at the table, picked at some chipped paint. "He asked to join the project and you're saying it was because of me."

"He didn't ask because of the free food or to spend quality time with me."

She was so tired she couldn't even dredge up the energy to be angry about any of it. Here she was, thinking Nooj knew just as much as she did. Here she was, thinking he was here to help his friend, and the truth was that he was here for her? It was the ultimate mixed message after his words before. "What am I supposed to do with information? Why are you telling me now?"

Baralai could make himself unreadable just like Nooj could. He couldn't be the Praetor and wear everything out on his face like Gippal did, and too many times Paine had been told by friends it was no use-they knew her too well for it work anymore. He was doing it now, like maybe he had something else to hide. Maybe he knew whether or not Nooj wanted to hang around her for the knowledge or because he was secretly in love with her, but he clearly wasn't going to share it.

Given their fight, Paine was doubtful of the possibility of the latter.

"Did you ever ask him about Shuyin?"

"Yes, during our last sleep-over after we changed into our feetie pajamas," Paine said. "No, why would I? Nooj's personal history isn't my business anymore."

"When he left me-Shuyin, that is-you can't imagine how I felt for weeks after. It's not possible to imagine. I still can't begin to explain how crippling it was to be pleased, maybe even happy, and then suddenly be slapped down as hard as possible by my own mind. I had to lie to the entire world for weeks, because I was so depressed, fearing the next attack. Shuyin's parting gift screwed up my mind. Every bad thing I had ever done, or said, right there at the surface. Negative energy, negative feelings, hopelessness, not all the time, but-"

"Triggers," Paine said. She understood those-all too well. She had suffered them enough after…well, after.

"It was different for me. I wasn't in love with Nooj and you were; and he was the same for you. Everyone saw it, but…I never expected him to shut you out, or buy into the feelings Shuyin left behind. If mine were bad, I can't imagine his, living with the ghost for years. I would like to say I can't imagine what he saw, but… I can." He held her gaze. "I can imagine all too well exactly the memory that would allow him to rationalize shutting you out, lying to you, and driving you way. Once you told me what he had said…it was all too obvious."

"He never said anything." She hadn't even seen anything like Baralai was describing. Distance, but unhappiness? How did one pick out an unhappy Nooj from a pleased Nooj, anyway. She thought she had known. "It doesn't make it okay, though. He hurt me."

"He was hurting, too. Enough to insult you and your feelings, your past… be the least respectful possible of your time and attention to make sure you stayed away, no matter how you felt, and your relationship was already so tenuous." Baralai sighed. "He's so strange. He did it all alone. I had Gippal the entire time, right by my side. Sometimes, Nooj is a fool."

Paine wanted to lay her head down to cry. It was so ridiculous-the whole situation.

"Listen," Baralai said. "Ignore the sphere for a day and whatever other surprises are there. Come to the ball, have some fun, and we'll worry about what all of this means-and Nooj-later."

"I don't-"

"Go with me tonight." He put his hand on hers. "Please."

"Wouldn't you rather go with Gippal and make out in dark corners?"

"I can kiss Gippal whenever I want. It's not often you'll come to an event and spend the whole time with me. Gippal wishes he were so lucky." He surprised her when leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Paine. We just want you to be happy, whether or not we can put our broken family back together again." He squeezed her hand. "I'll see you in a few hours."

----------

She had never cared for parties and going to one celebrating the anniversary of New Yevon when her date was the face of the organization was a headache and a half, and she spent the first hour cursing Baralai for tricking her into it with pretty words. The ballroom was crowded with more important people than Paine realized Spira had, all milling under streamers and string lights. It was nice, although she thought the seven foot tall ice sculpture of a swan was a bit much.

It was tiring and her feet hurt and she was sweating from a dress that didn't breathe very well. It got easier after Baralai had shaken five hundred hands and she had been ogled by enough people to last her a lifetime because then she could make excuses and escape. Gippal had been right about that, at least-the dress did enough for her boobs and hips to render her invisible, which she couldn't decide whether she truly appreciated or not. Baralai kept a warm hand on her back the whole time, like she might dart and run for her room to peel the dress off-probably why he had invited her, to keep an eye out for any potential escape attempts.

"Hot," Gippal said when he saw her getting a drink of punch at the buffet table, or more aptly, guzzling to help her parched throat. He popped a cracker covered in pink goo in his mouth and talked around it. "In more ways than one, but still." He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "You think if you asked that last guy Baralai talked to your name, he would know?"

"No, but he would be able to recite my cup size."

"You've stopped traffic a couple times. It's almost worth it?"

Paine shrugged. "If I have to wear it longer than three hours, I'm coming for you and you're going to wear it." She drank more punch. "Baralai is too patient. I started counting the people who were already drunk to pass the time."

"Can't believe you stole my date, anyway." Gippal ate another cracker and wiped his fingers on his suit. "Now I'm all alone, pining away."

Paine laughed. "Because you really want to walk around while Baralai talks shop with people wearing too much cologne. Try another one, you're really funny. I might even leave a tip."

"Gippal. Paine."

Paine froze with her glass at her lips, and Gippal shifted as Nooj walked up to them from somewhere behind her. Reasonable, too-if she had seen him coming she would have gone willingly back into Baralai's no doubt scintillating conversation about fishing rights off the coast of Luca.

"You came, great," Gippal said, and what traitors he and Baralai were-before the party they had claimed to not know where Nooj was, and maybe he wasn't even in Bevelle anymore, he was pretty mad-she was a sucker. "As you can see, it's wild and crazy."

"I feel as if I might keel over from the excitement in the air, true." Nooj turned to her. "Can I see you a moment?"

Paine stared into her glass. She shouldn't-he had said plenty before and she couldn't imagine using the ammunition Baralai had given her, regardless of whether it was true or not. "Why'd he get to wear normal clothes and I had to wear a dress?" she asked, handing Gippal her glass.

He grinned. "Double standards."

"My cross to bear. I guess you mean privately," she said to Nooj, who nodded and turned away. She followed, looking back at Gippal. He was no help; he did nothing but give her a thumbs up sign. Useless.

Nooj led her to the patio outside the ballroom. It overlooked part of the city and the ocean beyond, which sparkled under the half moon. It was too chilly to be out, which was why everyone was in and she was following a crazy man away from the door.

"Need to yell at me a little more?" Paine asked. Nooj didn't answer her question, but tossed out one of his own.

"Did you watch the sphere?"

"Some of it. Baralai told me you said there was more after that, but asked me to put it away for today."

"He would." Nooj taps the end of his cane on the stones underfoot. "Trema makes it clear on the sphere what he was going to do, in that scene and others."

"You fixed it yourself." She watched him and hoped for a hint of what he was thinking. "Decided it was worth the risk?"

"I recognized Rin's voice. The day before Trema destroyed the spheres, Rin visited…and left, enraged. I was suspicious." He looked out over the city. "It was a decision made in haste, late at night when I couldn't sleep and came back to work. I had no intention of stealing your thunder."

"Gippal lectured me when I brought spheres back to the room that you took out. Wonder how he and Baralai would feel knowing you took one to…wherever."

"Many people deserved to know this truth. I kept the sphere safe." His tone was light. "I don't think you care much, though. Something else is on your mind."

He couldn't have given her a better opening. She could call him on whatever she wanted; demand answers, ask him why he had lied and broken her heart and left himself all alone without support. That made her angrier than anything else-he had promised her no more death theatrics, but she knew no one needed a fiend or a weapon to look for death. She had never trusted the framing of Nooj as a warrior only looking for honor in dying. She had seen too many strange things in his eyes-too much sadness and confusion-before Shuyin had taken away her chance to understand. Nooj, alone, depressed. She couldn't think of it-she felt thankful he was even in front of her now.

"I'm just tired. This job has taken longer than I expected."

"It's almost over. I assume Baralai told you about the meeting tomorrow to discuss the spheres."

"I don't get what we need to discuss," she said. "Give it to the press. Let them distract themselves from frivolity for a few weeks."

Nooj shook his head. "You know New Yevon better than that."

There was a story here she didn't know. Probably another surprise from Baralai and she wouldn't like it much, him and his damned council of tired old men who couldn't let go of old ways people didn't want anymore. Guidance, control-she wondered when they would learn that people wanted to walk their own path their own way. Probably never; they'd die convinced everyone needed handholding.

"I owe you an apology for…" His voice caught; he cleared his throat. "Whatever the press have done, they've done it because I gave them the chance. I made this mess; I shouldn't make you lie it in." He held out his hand. "A truce, perhaps? Seems fitting to end the project on a good note."

Paine stared at his hand, stretched out to her. As apologies went, it was fine, but it was the first time he had referenced their… Paine still didn't know what to call it. They hadn't been officially together, it was just friendship with the chance for something more, but he was taking responsibility. That was something. She reached out and took his hand, dry and warm and even familiar after all this time.

"The next time they ask me about us, I'm going to tell them all about your dirty secrets," she said, searching for even ground. "Hypello porn. Massive amounts. You couldn't handle me knowing."

She was rewarded with a laugh that bounced around in the air, echoing off the side of the building. Her mistake, then-Nooj happy enough to laugh was so rare, and it was like a drug. His laughter surrounded them and it was like the unfolding of the rest of her life, this ache. It wouldn't be easy, but… she could do this. Friends-could have been more, but it wasn't meant to be. Friends meant trust and teasing and companionship. She held on to his hand and bit her cheek, the lump in the throat so thick she might choke on it. Friends was everything she didn't want, the reason she had shut him out so thoroughly.

He had been everything for so long. She thought she had been the same. She didn't know how to move on from this.

"Paine?" He stepped closer and tugged her forward. She went, like a fool. "I didn't mean to-"

"Don't say anything," she said. She reached up and touched his cheek; his eyes widened. "Just-once," she said.

"Paine, please-"

She kissed him between words, with her eyes closed, because she couldn't face whatever look he wore. He was solid and warm, and she expected him to push her away, lecture her, walk away and leave her again. She didn't expect him to yield at all-Nooj didn't know the meaning of the word.

Then he did-fast. He wrapped an arm around her, the hard edges of the prosthetic digging into her back through her dress he gripped so hard. He pressed her up against the railing and his mouth moved over hers like she might vanish. He gripped her neck with his other hand and she shuddered when he slowed down, frantic need put aside and kissed her like they had all the time in the world, like he was savoring her. She could barely think past his mouth on hers, his hips keeping hers pinned and still, his fingers scraping softly down through the hair on the back of her neck.

When she slid her arms around him, he groaned and buried his face in her hair, kissed her neck, arched into her. She shivered at the chill of his glasses on her skin, such a contrast between the heat of his mouth. She had waited so long for this, agonizing nights in tents and under stars for one stupid kiss, and one stupid kiss had made her realize one would never be enough.

She breathed him in once more, and then pushed him away. He went willingly, his expression muddled and face flushed-Paine didn't imagine she looked much better. Her mouth was sore; her cheeks rough and burning.

"Paine…"

She reached up and covered his mouth with her hand. "Unless you're going to tell me when can do that again, and again, and again, don't say anything." She smiled at him when she took her hand away, but it was so half-hearted and probably easy for him to see right through. His silence was horrible. "I just wanted… well, you know how crushes can be." He flinched when she said it; she got a perverse pleasure out using his own words against him.

She stepped around him and left him standing on the patio in the dark. As she walked away, she tried not to think about how much it hurt that he didn't try to stop her.

----------

"Wake up!"

Paine opened an eye to darkness as someone sat down heavily on the bottom of her bed. She was bounced a little and rolled over, disturbing the pillow over her head, and squinted down in the dark at Gippal.

"What are you doing? It's the middle of the night."

Gippal grinned at her. "Breaking in to wake you up," he said. "Our meeting has been moved up to… now. Because sane people have meetings before dawn, right?"

Paine tugged the pillow back over her face. "Tell Baralai to stop assuming I'm at his beck and call."

"But you are."

"He used up all his freebies," she said.

"Even I know not to refuse Praetor-summons." Gippal reached up and pulled the pillow off and away. "Also, we're dying to know what you did to Nooj at the party. I heard after you talked to him, he was an asshole to everyone. I am pretty sure he made one of the temple reporters cry."

Paine had been doing her level best not to think about Nooj in any way, because it left her angry at him or talking herself down from going to his room, knocking down his door and finishing what she had started. Only the worry that he would slam the door in her face kept her from doing it. If she had gone momentarily crazy, at least her pride, if not her self-respect was intact. She rubbed her face with her palms. How many times had she imagined kissing him? Too many to count now. She had done it, hadn't second-guessed herself, hadn't even planned on it. It had been amazing. She wanted to do it again.

"You totally said something to him, didn't you?" Gippal hopped up. "You have to share."

"I do not."

"You admit it! What did you say?"

Paine glared. "Gippal. Drop it."

He was harder to shake than Rikku, and he nagged her through her door as she got dressed, into the temple, down the hall, and didn't stop until they saw Nooj walking into Baralai's office. They both stopped short. Even Paine had to admit he looked like he could snap at any moment.

"He's been like that," Gippal whispered. "What did you do?"

Paine shook her head. "Nothing I regret." She surprised herself saying it, but the more she examined it, she realized it was true. She didn't regret it-not any of it. Baralai's words had been right and true, and as she caught sight of Nooj as she walked into Baralai's office, it was like a revelation-all the anger and confusion a convenient tool Nooj had used to shut her out-gone.

She wasn't wearing the blinders Nooj had given her anymore and she wasn't stupidly in love with anyone. She was just… in love. Nooj was fulfilling the stupid part all on his own. It made her angry, but more, it made her sad-that he had shut her out to walk the road they should have gone down together alone.

Baralai leaned heavily on his desk. His eyes were tired and the candles didn't help much in the dark room. "Sorry for the hour. The council called a meeting at first bell and I wanted you to be prepared." He sat back in his chair and Paine took one of the seats in front of the desk. Gippal never sat; he just drifted, although Paine noticed he didn't go anywhere near Nooj, who was creating gloom on his side of the room with his body language alone.

It served him right, she thought.

"About the sphere, no doubt," Nooj said.

"Correct." Baralai tapped his fingers on the desk.

"You're going to release them." Paine watched Baralai's expression darken as he considered Nooj's words. "You can't seriously consider withholding them."

"The council is... hesitant."

"They can choke on their hesitation," Nooj said. He stood. "Did you wake us to say we did all this work so only the superiors of New Yevon could enjoy it-or worse, seek to have it destroyed?"

"No one is talking about destroying anything!" Baralai shot out of his chair. "Like it or not, Nooj, I have employees with families and they have to be fed and cared for. Something like this could damage our reputation worldwide-sending us reeling into a financial collapse."

"So you're being a coward, pandering to this council." Nooj stepped up to the edge of Baralai's desk. "Again and again and again. Are you the man who keeps this organization running or are you a puppet?"

"Hey! That's enough." Gippal cut in, arm out-stretched. "Both of you," he said to Baralai. "No one in this room disagrees that Spira-and especially people in New Yevon-should know this stuff. Why the hell are you two fighting?"

"You!" Nooj pointed at her; her breath caught in her throat. She was pathetic. "They're yours-are you going to let New Yevon lock them down?"

"They're not mine," she said. "I just fixed them for money." Baralai's mouth twitched. "I trust Baralai to do what's right for his people and Spira. He hasn't screwed up in at least two months." She looked back and forth between Baralai and Nooj, although Nooj wouldn't meet her gaze. "But I didn't repair them so they could be kept a secret."

Baralai let the desperation into his voice. "I don't plan on it, but someone here has to see reason-I'm in a precarious position."

Nooj snorted. "You mean if you approve it for release, you could lose your job." His voice is ripe with derision. "So the position, the facade becomes more important than the facts."

"For crying out loud-" Baralai threw up his hands. "Sit down and shut up if you're only going to fling accusations about my motivations at me."

"Someone has to point them out!" Nooj said. "Our work deserves to be seen, not hidden away in the closet of some councilor who's too afraid of the past, because of a Praetor too concerned for a job."

"Nooj, I swear I will throw you out if you keep this up." Baralai squeezed the edge of his desk so hard Paine could hear the wood creak. "What is wrong with you?"

"Very simply, this thrice-damned organization you insist on clinging to like a life raft," Nooj said. "Let go or let it drown you-but it's obvious which you prefer."

Gippal made a noise when Baralai jerked upright. Paine was startled at the vitriol between them. The rest of the meeting didn't fare much better, even when Baralai ended the discussion by asking them to stay in the city for a few more days while he made a decision. Finally, he sent Gippal and Paine away, and shut himself in the office with Nooj. The door barely shut before Nooj's voice raised and Gippal gaped at the barrier.

"What did you do to him? Really."

Paine thought back to Nooj's trip, taking the sphere across Spira to other people-people who had been Seekers alongside him, then thought about Baralai's story-Shuyin and his negative emotions-and wondered why he could so easily tell the story but not see the parallels. "I can't take credit for that," she said. "That's all on Trema. To Nooj, it must seem like Baralai and the council are trying to do the same thing, superficially. He probably knows better, but…"

"You riled him up and he got no sleep stewing about it?" He avoided her lazy punch. "This means I got up early just to get kicked out," Gippal complained, but then proceeded to hover at the door, listening closely at the loud conversation. Paine refused to sink to eavesdropping.

Instead, she went back to bed.

----------

When she opened her eyes the second time, the light in her window was a gentle blue, close to dawn. She stretched under her covers, unsure of why she had woken up, until the knock on her door finally registered. Twice more, and then-

"Paine."

She was tangled in the covers for a few seconds as she scrambled out of bed, then stopped herself before she flung open the door to wake up completely and make sure she didn't… ruin everything, or look desperate-whatever. He had officially driven her crazy. She leaned her forehead against the wall and took a deep breath, then opened the door a few inches.

Nooj looked-resigned. He stared at her through the few inches of space. No more gloom, no more challenge, it seemed like. "What is it? Does Baralai need us again?"

Nooj put his hand on the door. "Can I come in?"

She waited, even though there was no chance she would refuse him. The last few weeks had been a confusing enough mix of feelings and behaviors between them, but she had laid all hers on the table just a few hours ago-and so had he, although he still hadn't given in. She didn't quite expect him to, even now, even though he was at her door. She stepped back and let the door swing open, the air outside cool on the bare skin of her legs.

"Are you and Baralai done fighting?" she asked, as he stepped inside and closed the door. "I hope you know you were a jerk to him."

"I was."

"No reason for it. He's doing his best."

"It's not good enough." He waved her reply away and sat on the end of her bed. "You're not to leave the temple under any circumstances today."

She watched him fidget. Nooj didn't fidget-except here he was, sitting in her room, doing so. "What have you done?"

"Paine…"

"Tell me." She was firm; why had Baralai had him stay behind and not her? This was her project-her work. Nooj had helped, but Baralai and he had both admitted he was more of a student. "What did you and Baralai talk about?"

"I leaked the sphere to the press," Nooj said, drew it out like he was testing the words. "Baralai doesn't get hurt, you don't get hurt, everyone knows the truth. It should be out in the morning broadcast. Everyone will know by the end of the day."

"Do they know why you leaked it?"

"I said I worried the council was going to...overthink things, yes."

The problem wasn't believing Nooj would do it-he had flouted rules and protocol his entire life-the problem was believing Baralai was going to let him get away with taking the fall. "Baralai doesn't know."

"No."

She took a deep breath. "He is going to be pissed. He's going to have to-he's going to have to stand up there and denounce you! What are you doing?"

"How long should we have waited?" Nooj stood, gripped his cane hard. "Baralai said-three days. Three days with his council in the mix becomes a week, becomes two, becomes a month. People have to eat, Baralai says, and it becomes two months."

"So you're mad because Baralai is thinking about his people?" She grimaced. "Memories are not more important than people." She cut him off when he opened his mouth. "Baralai isn't Trema! The council may be the same, but this is Baralai."

"You've seen how they bully him; how exhausted he is from battling them-and that's over easy decisions. He's caught up in this job-"

"Funny, it seems like you're more caught up in revenge." She turned away. "What Trema did was horrible. He hurt Spira, took away something we'll never get back, but… people shouldn't have to pay for it like this." Nooj leaned heavily on the sill of her window when she turned back. "New Yevon takes a hit, people stop supporting their work-and they do good work most of the time. How do the acolytes we use or the guards that protect us get paid?"

"Baralai said quite the same thing."

"You can't get revenge on Trema by striking at the stupid council," Paine said. "All you can do is… come to terms. Let it go." She wished he could see through her words; see what was behind them and what she was saying without really saying it.

"At least Baralai will no longer be torn over the decision. He can send me up, save face-he and the council both."

"Maybe." Paine wasn't so sure. She knew better than anyone how the press loved to spin stories just to see them twirl. "He's going to hate saying a word against you and you know it."

"He should enjoy the chance to take me down a peg; it likely won't happen again."

"So now I'm trapped here, too."

The expression Nooj wore when he looked over his shoulder was alarming. "If you try to leave-"

"You'll let me because you can't keep me here." This had never been a habit before-overprotection, implied threats. She didn't care for it much. "I'm not scared of the press."

He straightened. For a moment Paine thought he was going to laugh again and not in a complimentary way-probably because he saw right through her-she would rather suffer a wild chocobo attack than deal with the press again. She had told Baralai that over dinner once. Of course he saw right through her.

"You have no sense of self-preservation."

"Why do I need one? Where's yours?"

Nooj laughed. "Lost somewhere. Taken by Sin or Shuyin or just withered from disinterest. Life is-"

"Yeah, I'm finding the death talk is still boring and selfish," she said. "Got any new ones?"

His silence stretched on and on. He struggled for words to respond-and to her credit, she had never quite shut him down so fast before. He hadn't had any time to build up the steam for a long rambling missive on why death awaited with open arms. Points for her.

"One," he said finally. "It might surprise you."

"Probably not, but you can try."

She stepped back when he loomed over her. "Oh, I think it will. You want to face my demons, Paine? You want to challenge them?"

She held up her chin even as her back hit the wall. "Same old, same old. Not impressed."

He quivered and glared at her, so full of violence she stepped forward, shoulders squared-if he wanted to get violent then he could just try it-and cried out when he cupped her face with his hands, hot and cold making her tremble. "You're not to leave this building," he said. "There could be riots-there probably will be riots-and you're not to be caught up in them."

"Orders? New, but unoriginal."

His hand slid down, circled her throat, warm fingers over her pulse. "There is no joke here." He laughed, bitter. "In the end, I am unafraid of death, or injury seeking it-but only of my own. Facing yours-I won't do it again."

She reached up and wrapped her hand around his wrist and finally, finally spoke the truth. "This isn't the Highroad. He's not out there. It's just innocent, soon to be angry people."

His hand went slack as he stared at her.

"I know," she said. "Baralai told me. He told me-enough for me to figure it out."

"And here you stand condemning my betrayal."

He backed away, took his hands off her, but she wouldn't let go of his wrist-he pulled her along with him. "Tell me," she said. "Tell me the truth. If you can kiss me, you can tell me the truth." He looked at the door; he said nothing so she continued, "If you don't want to deal with what I mean to you-if you can't deal with-if I hurt you too much for you to even consider…" She stopped and caught her breath. "I don't deserve lies just because you're scared of the press or whatever else might hurt me now after all this time, which is ridiculous-"

"Now?" Nooj said. "Now?!" He yanked her toward him, rattling her and hurting her shoulders. "It's never been now! It's been always!" She gasped as he walked her back into the wall and hauled her up by the arms and kept her there with his body. Her bare feet dangled. "From the first time you looked at me," he said, "I was lost, completely lost." He cupped her face again and ran a thumb across her cheek.

"Funny way of showing it," she managed.

"I was a coward and couldn't face your mortality every time I looked at you, no matter how badly I wanted you."

"So both of us miserable is better?" she whispered. "This whole past year? That was better? Shutting me out so you didn't have to-"

"Imagine killing you? Replay the scene over and over in my head?" He shook, swallowed, tangled his hands in her hair. "Blood on my hands, your face, so white-it was my pain. Mine to deal with."

"That's stupid," she said, and she wiped at her face with a free hand. "It was ours, both of ours, to share and you were-you shut me out and hurt me for no other reason than-I don't want your protection. I wanted you and you told me that my feelings meant nothing." She wanted to reach out and hit him for being so stubborn. She was so tired of the past haunting her-haunting him. So tired.

"I was wrong," he said, and pressed his forehead to hers. "I know it now."

"I'm so mad at you," she said. "I'm so angry."

"I deserve it, all of it and more. I shouldn't even be here, asking you to-" He kissed the corner of her mouth, rubbed his rough cheek against hers. "Not this time." He murmured, letting her slide down the wall-and him-and pulled her close, one hand on the small of her back. "I'll stay. I'll stay if you'll have me."

"You have to mean it, Nooj, you can't-" She didn't get to finish her thought, didn't get to make him swear he wouldn't walk away again, because he tipped her head back and kissed her, licked into her mouth and took her breath away.

----------

It was still early, bright sunlight coloring everything shades of gentle orange when Paine found Baralai on his balcony, sitting in the corner next to the side-rail. He looked up when she came out.

"You've discovered my hiding place."

"Not a very good one if you leave your doors open. Makes it obvious." She sat down beside him. "Plus, Isaaru ratted you out. How are you?"

"Pathetically glad you made Nooj return to Djose," Baralai murmured. He reached out and took her hand. "I would hate to think you two reconnecting would be ruined by cold-blooded murder."

"The door you kicked open was an innocent bystander."

"Isaaru's making me pay for the damage, but the real trouble is-" He shook his head and Paine was reminded of how quickly Baralai had gone from pissed to mortified. "No, no, I'm going to pretend I saw nothing. It's better for everyone."

Paine laughed and let him link their hands. They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the cries of voices outside the temple, drifting on the wind. Paine was tired-little sleep after a long party, getting woken up for so many stressful things. She wanted a nap, but with Gippal gone to Djose with Nooj, she was the only one left for Baralai to lean on. She had promised both of them before they left.

"The press conference was a disaster," Baralai murmured. "I thought for sure they were going to riot in the middle of the temple. I can't believe he did this without me." He swore. "I would've-hell, I would've leaked it with him, the way the council has been acting lately."

"Risk your job, all the good you do. Like he would ask." Paine bumped his shoulder. "You were fine, anyway. He knew it was coming-he expected you to do it. Your job is safe, New Yevon can claim-what was it you said?"

"The people who were beytrayed by Trema personally were the first to know and they were in the process of being told," he says. "Even then, people feel cheated and annoyed we lied to them about your presence."

"Your solution was excellent."

"Isaaru's solution was excellent. All I did was parrot words and look pretty."

Paine thought back to the conference she had watched from the sidelines with Isaaru. Even if Baralai was critical of himself, she thought the announcement to donate all the spheres to Rin's proposed sphere library-provided he still wanted it-was a good one. It had pacified the reporters enough where their questions had a little less bite. Even if he was mean to them, Baralai was easy to like-and most of the reporters Paine had seen that morning did. "You've not broken their trust in a long time," she said. "As far as anyone will ever know, it was a lie of protection-and one with a time limit."

"Nooj shouldn't have to take the fall for a bunch of antiquated old men."

"Are you kidding?" Paine snorted. "He's the best martyr around. He was too close to this work, though." she said. "Anything with Trema-you should have known it would backfire."

"I'm blind to so many of his weaknesses-he's been so closed off." He tilted his head back. "Did you know I've seen him get more emotional in the past month than in an entire year? You crazy kids. I hope it was worth it."

"Maybe," Paine said. "One step at a time."

"I might bronze that entire room."

"Grow up," she muttered, but she was happy he was joking, even if he did look ragged around the edges.

The cries in the air grew louder, more frenzied. Paine had only ever heard a crowd this loud once before, on the Thunder Plains. This time there was no defusing the situation with a magical Yuna-song-but maybe that was better. Maybe anger would make the council rethink their position on future secrets-but she wouldn't hold her breath.

"I don't know how this ends," Baralai said. "Will we still be here in a year, able to influence the world?"

"Who knows?" Paine asked. "Let's stick around and find out."

"Only if you promise to wear pants when I allow Nooj to come back within throttling distance. Both of you."

"Oh, shut up," she said, but she met Baralai's smile with one of her own.