(no subject)
these days i am very much the negative image of what i was a couple of years ago. i say this frequently it seems, but it's good to be ever-changing. events in aix have been intriguing, at least i have not yet been capable of being bored. i was on vacation the week before this last one, and i went with fourteen of my friends from the program to rent a chateau in dordogne, chateau raysse. despite it raining every day, it was absolutely beautiful every place we went. i don't think i've ever seen such deep greens, such concentrations of old constructions, such amazing town build into the sides of cliffs. taking an entire week off from french was also an interesting experience in itself, and after having come back, the things a break did for my accent blows my mind, and i can't figure out how something like that happens. i feel like a musician trying to master a melody withing giving myself a break, and it never comes as i keep making the same mistakes in the same places. but i put down my instrument, push it out of my mind, and come back to it with a new initiative, and immediately the melody comes forth. of course the quality of the notes will always stand room for improvement, but there's no denying that what comes from me is a distinguishable and definable tune that means something to the ears of many. yesterday, one of my friends from the castle had a small get-together at her house, and i was talking to a french guy for about 30 seconds, when he started getting confused, and he couldn't understand why i kept making references to certain things as if i was a foreigner. when i realized he didn't make the connection, i told him i was american, and was pleasantly content that il m'a cru français. the other day, i made a recording for one of my friends for a class of hers. she needed an étranger to make a recording in french, so she could analyse it later for whatever purpose. every now and then, i make these recordings for myself, but they are only about five minutes. hers was to be about 20 minutes. now i remember the RC proficiency exam, and how everyone was terrified to speak for ten minutes, and how now i was able to do twice that without even sweating. i sometimes feels like i could speak ever for hours, and of course it would be flooded with mistakes and me correcting myself whenever i am uncertain, but i don't feel that type of pressure anymore. i feel free to function in a new dimension, and am comfortable that i have earned enough knowledge to be able to produce comprehensible output even when it's not perfect. after listening to this recording, i realized that the hardest sound for me in french to make is not the typical /r/, but rather it is the /u/ and the /y/ that i can't seem to be consistent on. the hardest word for me is to pronounce (in a native like fashion) is 'surtout' ( /syrtu/ ) because i always mix up the syllables, saying /surty/. or even producing the difference between 'tu' /ty/ and 'tout' /tu/. besides that, i realized that i say quite often 'um', even when speaking french. i think if i changed just this one aspect, i would sound ten times better in french, because there is nothing more american sounding that saying 'um' between words. but all that i have to learn to do is say it with my mouth open, because then out would come 'euh', which the french say constantly. despite being such a little thing, to execute it will take a whole lot of time, very much concentration, and immense amounts of frustration.