(no subject)
Have you ever just wished that you had someone to talk to? Everything's pressing in on you and you just need an outlet for it all? You want someone to talk to who will listen and not judge. Just listen. Someone to share all those crazy thoughts you have with; someone to listen to all of your insecurities. It seems selfish to want that, to want to make the conversation all about you. But sometimes that's exactly what we need. We need some sort of outlet for all of the emotions and thoughts we're holding inside.
That's why my journal is the way it is. I pretty much talk about me because I need an outlet. It's still not half of what I need to get out, but this provides some help. What I post here is usually composed and I try to make it thoughtful. In reality it's nothing like that. My mind is moving so fast and I just want to pull my hair out. Right now, I'm posting this really to keep myself from a long post about everything that's bothering me. I don't want you guys who do read this to think that I complain all the time or anything like that; I don't want to just dump all of my problems on everyone through this journal.
I want to explain a little about myself here. Most people who know me in real life would describe me as reserved and shy, but not as a nervous person. I'm not the most outgoing person, but I don't lack confidence. I'm very good with public speaking actually, and I like to give speeches as long as I care about what I'm talking about (and even when I don't most of the time). I get nervous yes, but I do like to get in front of people and teach them about something. That's what really make me a more reserved than shy person in my opinion. I can be friendly, but I don't make friends easily. Most of the relationships I have outside of my family are very casual. People I would call real friends, who I act like myself around, I could count on one hand. What I'm trying to accomplish in saying that is to tell you that if I seem shy and don't reply much, it's because I pretty much am. It's extremely intimidating to me to just throw myself into an established community and circle of friends. I'm trying, but I do worry. I hate to bother people and so I won't always initiate conversation or ask questions, even though I can think of many. I'm working on coming out of my shell though. I'll probably never be the most outgoing person, but just talking with other people I can manage.
I'll leave this here before I start rambling.
That's why my journal is the way it is. I pretty much talk about me because I need an outlet. It's still not half of what I need to get out, but this provides some help. What I post here is usually composed and I try to make it thoughtful. In reality it's nothing like that. My mind is moving so fast and I just want to pull my hair out. Right now, I'm posting this really to keep myself from a long post about everything that's bothering me. I don't want you guys who do read this to think that I complain all the time or anything like that; I don't want to just dump all of my problems on everyone through this journal.
I want to explain a little about myself here. Most people who know me in real life would describe me as reserved and shy, but not as a nervous person. I'm not the most outgoing person, but I don't lack confidence. I'm very good with public speaking actually, and I like to give speeches as long as I care about what I'm talking about (and even when I don't most of the time). I get nervous yes, but I do like to get in front of people and teach them about something. That's what really make me a more reserved than shy person in my opinion. I can be friendly, but I don't make friends easily. Most of the relationships I have outside of my family are very casual. People I would call real friends, who I act like myself around, I could count on one hand. What I'm trying to accomplish in saying that is to tell you that if I seem shy and don't reply much, it's because I pretty much am. It's extremely intimidating to me to just throw myself into an established community and circle of friends. I'm trying, but I do worry. I hate to bother people and so I won't always initiate conversation or ask questions, even though I can think of many. I'm working on coming out of my shell though. I'll probably never be the most outgoing person, but just talking with other people I can manage.
I'll leave this here before I start rambling.