It's Just a little problem
I have this thing where I use the word "just" way too much in my writing. That and "seriously," but that's not such a big deal.
I am now doing a search for the number of times I use "just" in Allies & Enemies ... and the answer is 555.
That's right. I used "just" 555 times in one novel. That's kind of a lot.
Here, have a tasty excerpt:
Aliens. It was aliens again.
He remembered a time when the thought of aliens brought to mind awkwardly waddling glob-monsters that just wanted to go home. Now he had to deal with aliens that wanted to suck out peoples' brains before absorbing their organic tissue into heaving masses of pink and red ick.
"E.T., go the fuck home!" he yelled, dodging out of the way of a writhing tentacle that burned the asphalt like acid where it hit.
"Why do all aliens have to look like fucking Jell-o monsters?" Caspian asked. He'd been given a dart gun loaded with some kind of chemical that was supposed to render the blob monster helpless, crystallizing its insides or something. Only the darts he'd fired so far had all bounced. Neither one of them was having a good time.
Warrick blasted an oncoming tentacle, freezing it in mid-air. "Not all aliens are blob things," he puffed. "Some of them are hot alien babes sent to seduce strong virile superheroes. Remember Blandromeda? She kept trying to get into my pants. I had to have Lady Arcana give her the girl-talk about why I wasn't into her generous offer."
Caspian snorted. "She was sent to destroy Earth's mightiest heroes by infecting them with space herpesyphilaids. You dodged a bullet, man. Charismo's wiener had to be surgically amputated after it started smoking and melting. Dude's still bitter about it."
"Didn't the Mechanic give him a robo-dick though? Wasn't that good enough?" Warrick froze the tentacles heading toward Caspian, giving him a chance to fire another shot.
The dart bounced.
"Dammit." Caspian tumbled out of the way of a finger-thin tendril. Seemed like the space blob was trying to teach itself to be stealthy. "I don't know about you, man, but I like my original parts. And if I ever decide to get anything replaced, I don't want it to happen because I caught an STD from some space hooker."
Warrick cackled. "Space hooker. That shit's going in my diary."
They had been maneuvering the blob away from the civilians trapped in the overturned bus, and hazmat suit wearing police officers rushed in to hustle them out of the way. It was the best they could manage until their League backup arrived with better weapons.
The blob quivered with frustrated rage and a shudder went through the whole thing. There was a disgusting sucking-gurgling sound and an oozing maw lined with human-bone pseudo-teeth opened up.
"Have you ever seen the movie Teeth?" Caspian's voice had gone up hysterically. "That shit gave me nightmares that went something like this."
Warrick leapt up into the air and swooped down to snatch Caspian up under the arms just as the blob jumped into the spot Caspian had been standing. Angry tentacles reached for them, trying to grab a trailing foot, but Warrick carried them up high enough it couldn't reach. He blinked sweat from his eye.
"Whoo, that almost got ugly," he said.
Caspian gave a wordless whimper and his grip on Warrick's shoulders was almost painful.
"You guys all right?" a brassy voice asked.
Warrick turned to find Witch Fire hovering on her broom. "We're fine, but you better have brought something to handle that thing. If it eats one more person, it might get too strong to be stopped."
Witch Fire made a face at him, but reached into a velvet satchel at her waist and pulled out a glass vial filled with a glowing blue liquid. "It took a while, but the lab boys whipped this up for you. You freeze it and I'll pour?"
Warrick shifted Caspian around until the guy could clamber up onto his back. "I got this."
There was something about using his abilities that made all of the problems he faced seem tiny and far away. It was as though his metability froze his emotions too. It was one of the things that made him great in a fight-he always kept a cool head.
Focusing down on the pool of liquid ice that always seemed to lap away in the deeper corners of his mind, Warrick called it out of him and down his arms. It was distilled winter blasting out of his hands, the kind of deadly cold that nothing living on Earth could hope to survive. To him, it felt warm. Like a shot of straight whiskey burning in his belly, only it went through his whole body.
The alien blob was frozen solid, though it only held a few minutes. Whatever was at the heart of that thing had a molten core and a hunger for living flesh.
It was frozen long enough.
Witch Fire unstoppered the vial, releasing a puff of noxious black smoke she kept well away from her face, and she zipped down to pour the thick, viscous blue straight down the creature's maw. Making a mouth had been a mistake.
"We need to get back!" Witch Fire yelled, zooming past him.
Warrick didn't hesitate to follow, ducking behind the safety of a skyscraper. "What's going to happen?"
"Oh … " There was a thunderous BOOM! and the wet splatter of regurgitated organic matter slapping against buildings and the ground.
"Just that." Witch Fire's grin was positively demonic. "Enjoy the clean up, boys." She zipped away in a flash of trailing red hair.
Warrick came back around the building to see the result of their actions. "I feel like we just got F'd in the A."
"Word."
Gobs of red and pink stuck everywhere like half-digested steak tartar. There was already a rancid smell happening and Warrick's mouth watered in the unpleasant way that warned he was about to vomit.
Caspian made a heaving noise behind him and Warrick twisted so Caspian fell loose, then caught him around the waist from behind. He gripped Caspian by the hips as Caspian bent forward and began to throw up, the vomit hitting the ground below with a sickening splash.
Warrick squeezed his eyes tight shut and tried to hold his breath and picture kittens. Cute, cuddly, furry, non-vomiting kittens.
"Sexy alien babes would be so much better," he said.
"Yeah," Caspian garbled agreement.
I am now doing a search for the number of times I use "just" in Allies & Enemies ... and the answer is 555.
That's right. I used "just" 555 times in one novel. That's kind of a lot.
Here, have a tasty excerpt:
Aliens. It was aliens again.
He remembered a time when the thought of aliens brought to mind awkwardly waddling glob-monsters that just wanted to go home. Now he had to deal with aliens that wanted to suck out peoples' brains before absorbing their organic tissue into heaving masses of pink and red ick.
"E.T., go the fuck home!" he yelled, dodging out of the way of a writhing tentacle that burned the asphalt like acid where it hit.
"Why do all aliens have to look like fucking Jell-o monsters?" Caspian asked. He'd been given a dart gun loaded with some kind of chemical that was supposed to render the blob monster helpless, crystallizing its insides or something. Only the darts he'd fired so far had all bounced. Neither one of them was having a good time.
Warrick blasted an oncoming tentacle, freezing it in mid-air. "Not all aliens are blob things," he puffed. "Some of them are hot alien babes sent to seduce strong virile superheroes. Remember Blandromeda? She kept trying to get into my pants. I had to have Lady Arcana give her the girl-talk about why I wasn't into her generous offer."
Caspian snorted. "She was sent to destroy Earth's mightiest heroes by infecting them with space herpesyphilaids. You dodged a bullet, man. Charismo's wiener had to be surgically amputated after it started smoking and melting. Dude's still bitter about it."
"Didn't the Mechanic give him a robo-dick though? Wasn't that good enough?" Warrick froze the tentacles heading toward Caspian, giving him a chance to fire another shot.
The dart bounced.
"Dammit." Caspian tumbled out of the way of a finger-thin tendril. Seemed like the space blob was trying to teach itself to be stealthy. "I don't know about you, man, but I like my original parts. And if I ever decide to get anything replaced, I don't want it to happen because I caught an STD from some space hooker."
Warrick cackled. "Space hooker. That shit's going in my diary."
They had been maneuvering the blob away from the civilians trapped in the overturned bus, and hazmat suit wearing police officers rushed in to hustle them out of the way. It was the best they could manage until their League backup arrived with better weapons.
The blob quivered with frustrated rage and a shudder went through the whole thing. There was a disgusting sucking-gurgling sound and an oozing maw lined with human-bone pseudo-teeth opened up.
"Have you ever seen the movie Teeth?" Caspian's voice had gone up hysterically. "That shit gave me nightmares that went something like this."
Warrick leapt up into the air and swooped down to snatch Caspian up under the arms just as the blob jumped into the spot Caspian had been standing. Angry tentacles reached for them, trying to grab a trailing foot, but Warrick carried them up high enough it couldn't reach. He blinked sweat from his eye.
"Whoo, that almost got ugly," he said.
Caspian gave a wordless whimper and his grip on Warrick's shoulders was almost painful.
"You guys all right?" a brassy voice asked.
Warrick turned to find Witch Fire hovering on her broom. "We're fine, but you better have brought something to handle that thing. If it eats one more person, it might get too strong to be stopped."
Witch Fire made a face at him, but reached into a velvet satchel at her waist and pulled out a glass vial filled with a glowing blue liquid. "It took a while, but the lab boys whipped this up for you. You freeze it and I'll pour?"
Warrick shifted Caspian around until the guy could clamber up onto his back. "I got this."
There was something about using his abilities that made all of the problems he faced seem tiny and far away. It was as though his metability froze his emotions too. It was one of the things that made him great in a fight-he always kept a cool head.
Focusing down on the pool of liquid ice that always seemed to lap away in the deeper corners of his mind, Warrick called it out of him and down his arms. It was distilled winter blasting out of his hands, the kind of deadly cold that nothing living on Earth could hope to survive. To him, it felt warm. Like a shot of straight whiskey burning in his belly, only it went through his whole body.
The alien blob was frozen solid, though it only held a few minutes. Whatever was at the heart of that thing had a molten core and a hunger for living flesh.
It was frozen long enough.
Witch Fire unstoppered the vial, releasing a puff of noxious black smoke she kept well away from her face, and she zipped down to pour the thick, viscous blue straight down the creature's maw. Making a mouth had been a mistake.
"We need to get back!" Witch Fire yelled, zooming past him.
Warrick didn't hesitate to follow, ducking behind the safety of a skyscraper. "What's going to happen?"
"Oh … " There was a thunderous BOOM! and the wet splatter of regurgitated organic matter slapping against buildings and the ground.
"Just that." Witch Fire's grin was positively demonic. "Enjoy the clean up, boys." She zipped away in a flash of trailing red hair.
Warrick came back around the building to see the result of their actions. "I feel like we just got F'd in the A."
"Word."
Gobs of red and pink stuck everywhere like half-digested steak tartar. There was already a rancid smell happening and Warrick's mouth watered in the unpleasant way that warned he was about to vomit.
Caspian made a heaving noise behind him and Warrick twisted so Caspian fell loose, then caught him around the waist from behind. He gripped Caspian by the hips as Caspian bent forward and began to throw up, the vomit hitting the ground below with a sickening splash.
Warrick squeezed his eyes tight shut and tried to hold his breath and picture kittens. Cute, cuddly, furry, non-vomiting kittens.
"Sexy alien babes would be so much better," he said.
"Yeah," Caspian garbled agreement.