his heart grew three sizes...in his pants
My gift to sleepkills. Because few others deserve a gay rhyming story as much as He!
How Brickhouse Stole Christmas
By his most esteemed High Loremaster/prophet, Rere.
(Story based on actual events.)
Every gamer in Boston liked Christmas a lot
Except for Michael Brickhouse, who sometimes did NOT.
Oh, how Mike disliked Christmas, the whole cursed season
Don’t question the man, such a thing would be treason!
It could be that this ‘Jesus’ was stealing his Might
Or perhaps that my facts simply are not right…
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was the lack of people around to play Brawl.
Whatever the reason, his Might or game blues
The first days of break found him throwing his shoes
He stared at his Wii with a grim Brickhouse frown
Pondering the friends that were not in town
For he knew every person in love with their screen
Would be far and away and hard to be seen.
“And they’re checking their Facebook,” he said with a sigh.
“And once they sign on AIM it will all be for nigh!”
Then he growled, though it may have been his stomach
“I MUST find a way to keep-OH GOD I MAY BE SICK!!1!”
So in the bathroom he did think of his tomodachi
“They’ll all hide in their rooms, and I can’t let that be!”
And then! All those hours! Spent on AIM!
AIM! AIM! AIM! AIM!
Hours and days, it would be quite a shame!
Then his friends, Asian and white, would sit down and type!
AND THEY’D TYPE! AND THEY’D TYPE!
TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!
It was a good thing he never downloaded Skype;
Really, he’d never understand the hype…
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every buddy online, the tall and the small.
Would gather and tell him what they wanted to say
Despite the fact that his message said that he was ‘away’.
They’d talk! And they’d talk!
Talk talk talk talk!
And the more that he thought of every online note
The more Maki considered simply grabbing his coat.
“Why, we all sit online, save to eat and to sleep!
“When we could be in one place, listening to ‘Creep’!”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Brickhouse got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know what I’ll do.” Maki now had a plan.
And stole a Santa hat from some charity man
And he chuckled and chortled, “This will be a great trick
“But now to decide what first victim I’ll pick…”
“All I need is a reindeer…” Maki glanced around
And was disappointed to find none to be found.
But did that stop our Brickhouse?
Ha! Instead he just said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he summoned John, who dashed from his bed
And tied a big horn on top of his head
THEN he loaded some bags
Wearing gloves that were fluffy
And lured John to his car
By holding hostage his plushie.
Then John shouted “YEAH!!!”
And Maki echoed the yell
With their trip underway
For some soul it spelled ‘hell’.
All the streets were dark. Snow started to fall.
Oh, this will be fun, Mike thought as he stopped.
He broke into the building then ran down the hall.
“This will be my first stop, this room with a Jew.”
And he crept to the door before anyone knew.
Then he pulled out a bag and jingled some coins
Figuring the sound would go straight to Josh’s loins.
There was no answer, his impatience did grow
So he opened the bag and added some ‘dough’
“The amount in this bag is not that big a sum
“But whatever, you still have no choice but to come.”
He slunk through the door, with a smile most unpleasant
Then realized in this house there would be no Xmas present!
No tree! No ribbons! No wrappings! Not yesterday nor today.
Just three guys in a room, some might call this sort of gay.
“Just us three will not do, we must collect one more!”
And with that Mike herded the other two out the door.
And back into the car, with Josh looking very confused
But still feeling loved though he should have felt abused.
Then off they drove again despite the weather being risky
And to make this gayer, I’ll say they were all feeling frisky.
For the story, they arrived at the next place in a flash,
With reindeer and roommate still counting their cash.
Mike crept into the apartment with a look full of glee
“And NOW,” Maki said, “we can start our org--…party!”
And they saw shelves lined with too much peanut butter
(John’s brain supplied images that caused him to shudder)
There was a small sound, they turned to see Drew
Little Dark Mrew, the last part of their crew!
Mike had been caught by his second target
Before pranks had been pulled, to his great regret.
Drew stared at Maki and said, “Brickhouse! Why?
“Why John and Josh first, rather than I?!”
But you know, that Mike was so smart and so slick
He thought up an excuse and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my dearest Dark Mrew,” Maki said rather slow,
“Why I left you for last you really ought to know!
“The very reason why I arrived here not as fast
“Was because I wished to save the.. best…. for last?”
The answer did its job, Mike patted Drew’s head
And since it was requested they all fell into bed.
The best way to summarize would be to say “Bottom’s UP!”
My apologies to anyone who’s dinner came up. ..
BUT by god how that room was filled with desire!
I’ll let you decide who’s the screamer, who’s the crier.
There were no greater flamers, save for men caught on fire!
Sakura-plushie sat and watched the smut unfurl
Because clearly, if real, she would be a yaoi fangirl.
They fumbled and tumbled, err, did I mention the gay?
Look, this is a little awkward for me to write, OKAY?!
It was late in the night, or early that morn
As they lay in a pile naked as newborns
John was all “Oh Boys!”, Josh called them all ‘Dungeon Master’
Drew kept shouting “Haste!” to make everyone go faster
Oh, they all leveled up in that cozy warm bed;
Took turns being Santa while Mike was the sled.
“Now this is the life!” Mike was mikeishly humming
“I brought us together and still we are cumming!”
“We can sleep through the day, begin again at five
“And the best thing of all is I won’t have to drive!”
Then the Mrew and the Josh and the John all started
Not sure if Mike was evil or actually kind-hearted?
For they all had made plans that required they be parted.
And Mike did see the calling of AIM and games and sloth
Even more pronounced as each guy reached for their cloth
I can’t think of what will rhyme here so I’ll just say “SEPHIROTH!”
Mike stared at his minions! The Brickhouse shouted “NOO!”
Then he shook! And he hit! He beseeched them as their bro!
But every bro in the Bro-room, the tall and the short,
Asked Mike to return them back to their home port
He HADN’T stopped them from leaving! From asking for a ride!
They asked all the same! So his time he did bide….
Then the Brickhouse with instincts so sharp with such wit
Offered sad sighs and a mournful muttered “shit”
“I brought us together! Yeah! Fun could be had!
“Way to go, guys, no you’ve all made me quite sad.”
And Mike started to sniffle, to make them all lament
Before he himself felt the urge to leave mean LJ comments
“Maybe friendship,” Mike thought, “does come through the internets
“From random night visits and shared Final Fantasy sets!”
And what happened then? Well…on LJ they say
That Brickhouse spammed all their Livejournals in a terrible way!
And the minute he sat back to survey all the spammage
John sent him a message saying “Behind attacks means more damage!!!!!!”
Josh quoted him some Pillows love! Drew texted from a bathroom stall!
And Mike, Michael Brickhouse, received his gay-fic after all.
Owari.
How Brickhouse Stole Christmas
By his most esteemed High Loremaster/prophet, Rere.
(Story based on actual events.)
Every gamer in Boston liked Christmas a lot
Except for Michael Brickhouse, who sometimes did NOT.
Oh, how Mike disliked Christmas, the whole cursed season
Don’t question the man, such a thing would be treason!
It could be that this ‘Jesus’ was stealing his Might
Or perhaps that my facts simply are not right…
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was the lack of people around to play Brawl.
Whatever the reason, his Might or game blues
The first days of break found him throwing his shoes
He stared at his Wii with a grim Brickhouse frown
Pondering the friends that were not in town
For he knew every person in love with their screen
Would be far and away and hard to be seen.
“And they’re checking their Facebook,” he said with a sigh.
“And once they sign on AIM it will all be for nigh!”
Then he growled, though it may have been his stomach
“I MUST find a way to keep-OH GOD I MAY BE SICK!!1!”
So in the bathroom he did think of his tomodachi
“They’ll all hide in their rooms, and I can’t let that be!”
And then! All those hours! Spent on AIM!
AIM! AIM! AIM! AIM!
Hours and days, it would be quite a shame!
Then his friends, Asian and white, would sit down and type!
AND THEY’D TYPE! AND THEY’D TYPE!
TYPE! TYPE! TYPE!
It was a good thing he never downloaded Skype;
Really, he’d never understand the hype…
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every buddy online, the tall and the small.
Would gather and tell him what they wanted to say
Despite the fact that his message said that he was ‘away’.
They’d talk! And they’d talk!
Talk talk talk talk!
And the more that he thought of every online note
The more Maki considered simply grabbing his coat.
“Why, we all sit online, save to eat and to sleep!
“When we could be in one place, listening to ‘Creep’!”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Brickhouse got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know what I’ll do.” Maki now had a plan.
And stole a Santa hat from some charity man
And he chuckled and chortled, “This will be a great trick
“But now to decide what first victim I’ll pick…”
“All I need is a reindeer…” Maki glanced around
And was disappointed to find none to be found.
But did that stop our Brickhouse?
Ha! Instead he just said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he summoned John, who dashed from his bed
And tied a big horn on top of his head
THEN he loaded some bags
Wearing gloves that were fluffy
And lured John to his car
By holding hostage his plushie.
Then John shouted “YEAH!!!”
And Maki echoed the yell
With their trip underway
For some soul it spelled ‘hell’.
All the streets were dark. Snow started to fall.
Oh, this will be fun, Mike thought as he stopped.
He broke into the building then ran down the hall.
“This will be my first stop, this room with a Jew.”
And he crept to the door before anyone knew.
Then he pulled out a bag and jingled some coins
Figuring the sound would go straight to Josh’s loins.
There was no answer, his impatience did grow
So he opened the bag and added some ‘dough’
“The amount in this bag is not that big a sum
“But whatever, you still have no choice but to come.”
He slunk through the door, with a smile most unpleasant
Then realized in this house there would be no Xmas present!
No tree! No ribbons! No wrappings! Not yesterday nor today.
Just three guys in a room, some might call this sort of gay.
“Just us three will not do, we must collect one more!”
And with that Mike herded the other two out the door.
And back into the car, with Josh looking very confused
But still feeling loved though he should have felt abused.
Then off they drove again despite the weather being risky
And to make this gayer, I’ll say they were all feeling frisky.
For the story, they arrived at the next place in a flash,
With reindeer and roommate still counting their cash.
Mike crept into the apartment with a look full of glee
“And NOW,” Maki said, “we can start our org--…party!”
And they saw shelves lined with too much peanut butter
(John’s brain supplied images that caused him to shudder)
There was a small sound, they turned to see Drew
Little Dark Mrew, the last part of their crew!
Mike had been caught by his second target
Before pranks had been pulled, to his great regret.
Drew stared at Maki and said, “Brickhouse! Why?
“Why John and Josh first, rather than I?!”
But you know, that Mike was so smart and so slick
He thought up an excuse and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my dearest Dark Mrew,” Maki said rather slow,
“Why I left you for last you really ought to know!
“The very reason why I arrived here not as fast
“Was because I wished to save the.. best…. for last?”
The answer did its job, Mike patted Drew’s head
And since it was requested they all fell into bed.
The best way to summarize would be to say “Bottom’s UP!”
My apologies to anyone who’s dinner came up. ..
BUT by god how that room was filled with desire!
I’ll let you decide who’s the screamer, who’s the crier.
There were no greater flamers, save for men caught on fire!
Sakura-plushie sat and watched the smut unfurl
Because clearly, if real, she would be a yaoi fangirl.
They fumbled and tumbled, err, did I mention the gay?
Look, this is a little awkward for me to write, OKAY?!
It was late in the night, or early that morn
As they lay in a pile naked as newborns
John was all “Oh Boys!”, Josh called them all ‘Dungeon Master’
Drew kept shouting “Haste!” to make everyone go faster
Oh, they all leveled up in that cozy warm bed;
Took turns being Santa while Mike was the sled.
“Now this is the life!” Mike was mikeishly humming
“I brought us together and still we are cumming!”
“We can sleep through the day, begin again at five
“And the best thing of all is I won’t have to drive!”
Then the Mrew and the Josh and the John all started
Not sure if Mike was evil or actually kind-hearted?
For they all had made plans that required they be parted.
And Mike did see the calling of AIM and games and sloth
Even more pronounced as each guy reached for their cloth
I can’t think of what will rhyme here so I’ll just say “SEPHIROTH!”
Mike stared at his minions! The Brickhouse shouted “NOO!”
Then he shook! And he hit! He beseeched them as their bro!
But every bro in the Bro-room, the tall and the short,
Asked Mike to return them back to their home port
He HADN’T stopped them from leaving! From asking for a ride!
They asked all the same! So his time he did bide….
Then the Brickhouse with instincts so sharp with such wit
Offered sad sighs and a mournful muttered “shit”
“I brought us together! Yeah! Fun could be had!
“Way to go, guys, no you’ve all made me quite sad.”
And Mike started to sniffle, to make them all lament
Before he himself felt the urge to leave mean LJ comments
“Maybe friendship,” Mike thought, “does come through the internets
“From random night visits and shared Final Fantasy sets!”
And what happened then? Well…on LJ they say
That Brickhouse spammed all their Livejournals in a terrible way!
And the minute he sat back to survey all the spammage
John sent him a message saying “Behind attacks means more damage!!!!!!”
Josh quoted him some Pillows love! Drew texted from a bathroom stall!
And Mike, Michael Brickhouse, received his gay-fic after all.
Owari.