Zoinks! Jinkies!

Oct 29, 2007 22:28

xxDaftLikeJackxx (7:58:54 PM): who ya rpging?
wurlitzer (7:59:20 PM): tennessee and jp are both doing scenes :p
xxDaftLikeJackxx (7:59:27 PM): woah. multitasking
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:00:39 PM): im watching...Barbarella. Queen of the Galaxy
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:04:40 PM): THERE IS A NAKED JANE FONDA ON MY TV
wurlitzter (8:04:49 PM): O_OOOOOO
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:04:47 PM): HOW DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN?!
wurlitzer(8:04:55 PM): LOLLLLLL
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:05:22 PM): AHHH FONDA BOOBS
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:05:24 PM): WHYYYYYYY
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:05:26 PM): ohgawd
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:05:47 PM): cristal. if i don't make it.....bury my heart at wounded knee.
wurlitzr (8:06:48 PM): lolll :P <3
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:06:58 PM): ;_;
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:18:53 PM): tiny dolls are attacking Jane Fonda
xxDaftLikeJackxx (8:19:02 PM): i believe i have a new favorite hobby
wurlitzer (8:19:07 PM): .........
wurlitzer (8:19:10 PM): lolllllll wtf

Thus has gone my evening. Aiya.

And for furter crack! "Hit me with your best shot!" I demanded, while quoting Pat Benitar. "Lotr/Scooby Doo crack crossover" Gabe fired. Oooh boy.

Title: Strange Things in Hobbiton
Fandom: LotR/Scooby Doo
Pairings: None, thank god.
Disclaimer: None of it is mine.
AN: It's for gogoangelgunboy
Summary: Golly. Looks like their's some trouble in Hobbiton, gang!

“Like, are we almost there yet? We’re starving back here!”

Thus was the phrase most likely to be heard in the Mystery Machine. Sure, the radio played the grooviest songs known to man. And the banter between long-time friends seemed to follow the same paths around and around after so many years on the job. The sad fact remained, however, that nothing was more frequent than the bemoaning of hungry hippies.

“Like, seriously, guys. Starving! We haven’t eaten in like….two hours! Right, Scoob?”

“Rraat’s rright!” the Great Dane in the backseat agreed out loud, to no one’s shock or confusion.

Hands tightly gripping the steering wheel, Fred sighed. “We’re not too far, so don’t worry. You can eat fist thing once we get there.”

“And where’s there again?” Shaggy asked, arms resting on the back of Thelma’s seat.

“I already told you! Several times!” Daphne sniffed, waving her nail file around and nearly taking out Fred’s eye. “My mother’s cousin’s aunt’s sister-in-law’s husband’s cousin-twice removed-asked us to visit their village.”

“Rraat’s arot of famirry.”

“I agree,” Thelma agreed, adjusting her coke-bottle glasses. “At least the scenery is nice.”

And it was. At some point, they had reached open fields and tall, green trees. The image looked like something out of an old calander shoot, from better times or possibly New Zealand. Long lines of fences trailed of hills and pastures. Occasionally, a cow or two could be seen grazing lazily in the spring sun.

Thelma breathed in deep as Fred opened a window. “Ah, fresh air. Gosh. It was really nice of your mother’s cousin’s….erm. Your family to invite us, Daphne.”

Shaggy nodded his agreement, a wavery bob of the head. “Yeah, man. We all needed a good vacation.”

There was a heavy silence from the passenger seat.

“Like, dammit. I knew it was too good to be true!”

“Well, it’s sort of a vacation!” Daphne defended herself, fluffing up her orange hair with a huff. “It’s just a simple place, after all, and there isn’t too much happening except for spring planting and festivals and a wraith problem.”

“I hate wraiths,” Fred muttered with feeling. “They give me the creeps.”

“Besides, it’s probably just some icky old bad guy with a clever scheme and an ugly mask,” Daphne continued with a shrug. “I mean, it usually is.”

“Except that time in New Orleans. Those zombie-cat-people things were real,” Thelma said. She wished their driver would roll up the window. Fresh air had changed into fresh air mixed with cow manure. Not entirely pleasant.

“Well, whatever. As long as Scoob and me get some food-we’re starving.”

Thelma grabbed a box and shook it. “How about some Scooby Snacks?”

Shaggy managed a withering look. “That stopped being appealing when I realized they’re dog treats.”

The bespectacled woman grinned sheepishly.

“Well, it saved us a bunch of money,” Daphne snorted. Delicately, like a flower. “You eat so much and dog treats are cheap.”

Thelma frowned. “Daphne’s right. I never understood why you’re so hungry all the time, Shaggy.”

“Uhh, like…fast metabolism,” the hippie answered. Up front, Fred and Daphne exchanged Looks. “So, what’s the name of this wraith quaint farm town place anyways?”

Daphne smiled. “Hobbiton.”

“Hobbiton.” Fred nodded.

“Hobbiton.” Scooby attempted to say but kind of failed.

“Hey, that’s not on the map of the UK!” Thelma exclaimed, squinting.

“Shhh.”

Hobbiton appeared slowly and gladly, not unlike the way life continued on in the village. Hills were houses and houses were hills and smoke rose lazily into the air, the smell of wood and peat overpowering any other scent.

The Mystery Machine slowed to a stop at the edge of an old stone bridge, the van being too wide to make it across. Thelma was the first to grab her bag and slid open the side door. “Well, looks like we’re walking from here.”
“Right,” said Fred, adjusting his shirt. He hopped out and loosening his orange scarf as well; it was beginning to hurt a bit.

The group made their way over the bridge and down the road without seeing another soul. Scooby Doo was sniffing along, for his part, and while his ears twitched now and then he didn’t seem to catch a whiff of anything-or anyone-unusual.

“Seems like the houses are kind of small, doesn’t it?” Fred observed wryly, the first door they came across only coming up to his chest.

As if on cue, a cheerful face popped out from behind a bush.

Then another from the window.

Then a whole slew of kids from around the corner.

“We represent rhee rorripop kids,” Scooby sang quietly under his breath.

“Zoinks! It’s like a town of midgets!” Shaggy said not-so-quietly. “Hey, little dudes! How’s it going?”

“You’ll be Diamond’s relatives then, won’t you?” a heart-shaped face with golden ringlets asked in a sweet voice. “I’m Rosie Gamgee, at your service.”

Daphne smiled and kneeled, more eye-level to the Hobbit woman now. “Well, I’m related to Diamond. I’m Daphne. These are my friends.”

“Friends of the family are family and the family of friends are family too,” Rosie chimed. “So welcome to Hobbiton!”

“Well. Thank you very much,” Fred said. He would have knelt as well if he wasn’t afraid of getting his lucky case-solving pants dirty. “Do you think you could take us to Diamond’s…uh…house?”

The surprisingly buxom lass nodded, bare feet tapping a tune on the ground. “Come along then, I’ll take you before my shift at the tavern.”

“Great! You heard her. Come on, gang,” the blonde said with an ushering wave of his arm.

Shaggy was already trotting after the hobbit. “Did you say tavern? With drinks? And…and food?”

Rosie grinned. “Best food this side of the Shire, our Green Dragon has.” She laughed, hair bouncing. “We Hobbits love to eat. At least seven meals a day, or you’ll be starving.”

Shabby looked like he was in love, hands twisting the hem of his baggy green shirt.
A few moments later, they stopped in front of a fairly large hill. An ornately carved sign hung in the front garden, the name “Took” proudly displayed.

A rather thin looking hobbit with bright red hair was watering plants. She looked up, pointed ears twitching, and broke into a large smile upon seeing the odd group. “Daphne! Bless you, you made it after all!”

“Diamond!” The prettiest ghoul-fighter flounced over and hugged the other woman. Oddly enough, they were wearing the same color purple.

“Trippy,” Shaggy said.

Fred and Scooby just nodded in agreement.

“You’re just in time for the spring festival. There’s going to be a drinking contest. And a maypole.” Diamond beamed. “And the fields will be blooming with all sorts of flowers soon. It will be lovely!”

“And what about the wraith problem?” Thelma asked. She had seemed determined to take everything in as they had walked, head turning and tilting like a sparrow, keeping silent in her observations.

Rosie and Diamond paused. “Wraiths?”

“Yeah, you know…wraiths.” Fred waggled his fingers in what he thought was a wraith-like manner. “Creepy, deadly wraiths.”

The hobbits stared.

Fred’s grin wavered. “We heard there was a wraith problem…”

“There was. A bit. You…” Rosie stopped, considering, “well, you missed it, to be honest.”

“Missed it?!” Daphne scowled, putting her hands on her hips. Fred watched the movement with something akin to envy. “I got the letter two weeks ago. How did we miss it?”

Diamond shrugged.

“Well, how much did we miss it by?” Thelma asked.

“Umm….four years.”

“Jinkies. That’s a lot of years.”

This time, it was Rosie who shrugged. “We don’t have the best postal service.”

Fred raised his eyebrows. “Boy, I’ll say.”

“So I take it they weren’t real wraiths then, huh?” Daphne mused, tapping a finger against her bottom lip. Fred watched the movement with something akin to envy.

“No, they were real. But then Mister Frodo-Valar bless him-threw the One Ring into Mount Doom. That made them go away.”

“Huh.” Thelma adjusted her glasses, making the sun flash off of the lenses and blind the nearby baker. “No one’s seen these wraiths sense?”

Rosie snorted. “None but those partaking of Ol’Tobby’s Finest Hobbitweed. Which is daily, actually, but not much cause for concern, the darling lads.”

Shaggy clutched his heart. “H-h-hobbitweed? Daily? Okay?”

“Perfectly,” Rosie nodded.

“Och. My husband and his cousins. I’ll never get the smell out of the house between the two of them,” Diamond complained with a roll of bright eyes.

Shabby made a strangled sound of joy. “Z-z-z-zoinks. Like. Yeah.”

Scooby waved a paw in front of his best friend’s face. There was no reaction.

Scooby shrugged.

“Well, I guess we could be going then. I mean, there isn’t really enough room for all of us and no supernatural only not really phenomena for us to solve.” Fred scratched his head and looked at the others, who all nodded.

Except Shaggy.

“Aw. But you’ll miss elevensies! And lunch! And afternoon tea!” Rosie pouted, crossing her arms. “I was about to head to work and make sure Ol’Pete has set up for the rush.”

“We really appreciate it, but it’s probably best if we go,” Daphne explained, still kneeling next to her relation.

“I suppose I understand,” Diamond sighed, wiping her hands on her already dirt-smeared skirt.

Daphne wrinkled her nose.

“Well, gang. Let’s get going!” Fred commanded, already taking a step back.

“Nice meeting all of you,” Thelma said.
“Bye, Diamond! I’ll say hi to the family for you!”

“See you rraater.”

Shaggy straightened. “I’m not leaving.”

The gang froze.

“Uhh…Shaggy?”

“Like, I’m serious, guys. I’m staying.” Shaggy took a deep breath. “I’ve finally found my home.”

Food, fields, and weed.

What else did a man need?

And thus, Hobbiton gained their first hippie.

crack, challenge, lotr/scooby doo, wtfery, life

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