Parenthetical Addendums
Sweet nothings, and the sound of sad longing. I feel death, you see, inside me. Blindness staring intently at my soul, you don't even know. I wouldn't call it madness, not some... disillusioned voice, epic, and ever there. A sinking, know it? Not a personality, a thing. An action? A feeling?
The future is always more than one turn of events. My life is not defined as a moment, or as a feeling. Perhaps it's all subjective. Perhaps there can be no way to judge, nor a need. I want to give in, and I see it now. I don't really care about the finite details of it all. I just want a moment to cave in, to let go, to feel. As intended. As I can, and as I am. If only for once, a moment, an instance of freedom.
Things as they should be, separated entirely from things as they are. There are some bridges you can't un-cross. There are branches in the decision tree of one's life that, for all our trials, cannot be climbed to. Time and circumstance. They are the barrier. We can peer and gaze at what we would rather... but we cannot become. There are instances, though, of tunnels, circumstances that allow us to, if but momentarily, be as we would rather. They often don't last, and are often best avoided, but the limits of the human equation take only a certain amount of punishment. Thus, if you had a chance to, only once, have exactly what you wanted, even at the cost of your soul, would you take it? It's an eternity of punishment either way you go about it. I'm beginning to think I would rather die having been truly happy at least once, though. These tunnels are thought a myth though, and my proposition is nigh hypothetical...
...but what if? Both God and Satan work in shifty and mysterious ways, both strike up deals, and neither tells the whole story. What would you do, though? How do you know what's right? What to trust? When prayers go unanswered, or get put on hold... or the answers are just more tests. I guess I'm sick of being tested. Fail me already, it seems to be what you want.
On a side note, I've been noticing that my writing is slipping into a rough draft of thought, and that, until further notice, should be paid no attention.
The future is always more than one turn of events. My life is not defined as a moment, or as a feeling. Perhaps it's all subjective. Perhaps there can be no way to judge, nor a need. I want to give in, and I see it now. I don't really care about the finite details of it all. I just want a moment to cave in, to let go, to feel. As intended. As I can, and as I am. If only for once, a moment, an instance of freedom.
Things as they should be, separated entirely from things as they are. There are some bridges you can't un-cross. There are branches in the decision tree of one's life that, for all our trials, cannot be climbed to. Time and circumstance. They are the barrier. We can peer and gaze at what we would rather... but we cannot become. There are instances, though, of tunnels, circumstances that allow us to, if but momentarily, be as we would rather. They often don't last, and are often best avoided, but the limits of the human equation take only a certain amount of punishment. Thus, if you had a chance to, only once, have exactly what you wanted, even at the cost of your soul, would you take it? It's an eternity of punishment either way you go about it. I'm beginning to think I would rather die having been truly happy at least once, though. These tunnels are thought a myth though, and my proposition is nigh hypothetical...
...but what if? Both God and Satan work in shifty and mysterious ways, both strike up deals, and neither tells the whole story. What would you do, though? How do you know what's right? What to trust? When prayers go unanswered, or get put on hold... or the answers are just more tests. I guess I'm sick of being tested. Fail me already, it seems to be what you want.
On a side note, I've been noticing that my writing is slipping into a rough draft of thought, and that, until further notice, should be paid no attention.