your fortress, tall and strong
I have been writing manically for the past three days at crazy intervals of the night. I've been asking myself lots of questions and have come up with some answers, though i'm hesitant to accept them just yet... feels good, man.
I did my first naked (well, almost) photoshoot yesterday and, what do you know, I enjoyed it. It was oddly liberating to be so exposed for what will be the entire student body to see, but I felt good about my body for the first time in a long time despite the fact that it was covered in cream AND nacho cheeses, raw bacon, and barbeque sauce. Oh well, the ultimate humiliation is bearable because my friends here continue to prove themselves as "worth it" to me and always make me realize how lucky I am to have them the second I start to forget.
My teacher asked me "how much weed do you typically smoke" and I had to stop and think about it = PROBLEM
I am annoyingly anxious to come home but in the back of my head I am frantically searching for a pause button because I am afraid that when I come back for spring semester everything will be different.. no, things need to be different and I realize this, but I don't know if i'm ready for it! All I can do is absorb the christmas spirit that is in full bloom, get through this critique week of hell, and slowly repeat the mantra "sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck" to myself until I start to believe it.