Apr 29, 2009 15:04
So before I ruin my entire awesome-night that I have planned, I need to vent. Need to blog and get these feelings out. The boy, the one that many of these entries about involving Far Away, and five years of confusion and constantly switching feelings? Yeah, I just found out today he's gay.
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So basically the guy I was in love with for five years, who totally destroyed my mind for five years and made me a lovesick, distrusting fool is gay. I was told during pre-calculus and it took me everything I had not to break down in tears. I did scream WHAT, and then flail, and then claim my life was a lie.
I feel so betrayed. Not against his choice in sexuality, but because he never told me, will never tell me, never gave me closure on anything, and just.... five years of my life. It seriously feels like I just got shot with a bullet.
The small, dismal hope I had of one day getting together with him in the future just completely burned up.
....I'm still in shock.