(no subject)
today was cool see cuz i went to the mall and went shopping and as i went shopping a some lady cut me but i was like bitch fuck you and she was like oh no you didnt i'm old and i was like i dont give a shit bitch so i kicked her in her jaw and the bitch shut up so i continued on to purchasing my smoothie and after that i walked around alone of course i'm fucking awesome and dont need anyone to watch me buy smoothies and i was sitting in the middle of the food court eating my cobra and alligator with cheese sandwich that i snuck in and then i saw some asshole beating his girl in the food court and i went there and knocked him out with a broken ashtray and stabbed him in the eye with his femur then i went and dropkicked the bitch in the tits for being stupid and going out with him so after that the cop was like no it's cool she's a retarded undecisive bitch and he's a charming asshole they deserve to be together and you did me a favor so i was like okay cool and i bought the cop a smoothie then as i walked passed the journeys fucking ninjas came down from the skylight shooting lazers and shit so me and the cop officer woodrige proceded to fight the ninjas but they had lazers and lazer numchucks and lazer katanas and shit but we came prepared with lazer retardant vests n shit so i broke 4 of the ninjas necks with my bare hands and officer w stole their dune buggy so we drove off and we got a piece of paper from one of the ninjas to their hideout and we found out their hideout was in a tunnel underground lair underneath the pond at george bush park so we went there and swam 50 feet down to the bottom of the tunnel and opened it up and saw pirates and shit and we were like yea pirates and water make sense but these pirates were dead zombie pirates not like the gay faggot ghost pirates from those gay lord of the pussy faggot rings movies i'm talking swol motherfucking zombie pirates that were on fire and anything they touched burned to hell and shot fire out of their eyes so we got the fuck out of there not cuz we were scared we were like fuck that but because officer w ripped ass and it smelled real bad but we took the hard way out and swam back up cuz when we got to the surface there the pirates were and they were still on fire so we think they used their magic to teleport to the surface we dont fucking know so we were in the middle of george bush park surrounded by pirates on fire and the ninjas from the mall well they were zombies too cuz they didnt fucking die so we were surrounded by ninja zombies with lazers and burning swol motherfucking pirates and me and officer w were like so the fuck what and officer w summoned a huge fucking robot from the bottom of lake michigan and it flew to houston at light speed and me and him jumped in it and started stomping all kinds of ass from left to right i mean i'm talking about flamethrowers and rocket lanchers and lazers and machineguns and ninja stars were everywhere but the fuckers didnt have a chance till they summoned their robobeast from the bottom of the pond to fight us and their robobeast was hardcore cuz it was a huge fucking pirate that shoots lazers from his eyes so we were like well we didnt give a shit cuz we had a sword chainsaw made out of hardcore ass titanium that reflected lazers and shit and shot nuclear warheads so we played smear the queer with their bitch ass robobeast and got back into one of the dune buggys that wasnt covered in zombie ninja pirate blood and took it to the car wash and went back to the mall cuz he had to be back at work so i went back and finished my smoothie.