i thought rambling would make me feel a little better...

[fever__dream]

i dont think elias cheated on me. but maybe he's a really good liar? lias says he's not going to hang out with caroline anymore though, which i guess is what i wanted but makes me feel bad that he's burning bridges because of me. although it's more her fault for spreading rumors? unless theyre true... but i dont think they are. elias seems really sincere. but i guess the real way to tell is to see if they still hang out. because if they do then something must be up and i'll lose a guy i really care for. and i've never cared so much. no one has any idea of how badly i want everything he says to me to be true.

we hung out with kat and jon today and the timing of when we hung out was awful. i had to leave like ten minutes after they got there and my mom was being a bitch and i had to beg kat to drive me home for my brother's birthday dinner. which made me feel bad and makes me resent not getting my permit earlier even more. i hate having to rely on my friends.

thankfully i got to go back, even if it was only for an hour or so. talked to lias more about caroline and he's not dodging it when i bring it up and his stories remain consistent and hers have too many gaps. ugh how i wish i could stop obsessing over this...

jon ray got a fake gold tooth. and then he put his hair in a mullet. and he and elias talked white trash/ redneck. it was truly fucking hilarious. so at least the night ended well