killing time for dinner
This is normally the part of the year when I tend to break down. This year is different. I don't think my life is any less stressful, but maybe I've finally just stopped caring. The more likely alternative is that I don't have the time to shut down this year. I also don't really have a support net to fall back on this year. My social life is already frustrating and complicated enough, there's no room for me to go insane.
My brother moved out a few weeks ago. It's really strange not having him around the house. We didn't see each other much anyway, since our work and school schedules were pretty opposite, but it's still such an odd feeling knowing that when I come home, he won't eventually stumble home from wherever he spends his life. I miss him. I've always had a sibling to whine about parents with, to watch TV with, and to playfully argue with. Now that he's no longer here, I feel like I'm an only child. Half of my team is gone. I also feel that the pressure is on for me to get out, now. He's younger by two years, and he's always joked that he had two years to the day I moved out. Now I feel like I've got negative two years to move out. I should be on my own, too. It's also strange because my parents have always had Luc to blame for everything. Well, let me clarify. They always had one other person besides me to scream at. Now, there's just me. I don't know how to deal with it alone. I just wish there was a way I could move out and not go into ridiculous debt.
Concerts lately have been phenomenal. I need to learn to play keyboard. I want to be the person in the band who is just rocking out and dancing the entire time. Life as a keyboardist looks like it's a riot, and I want in. If only I had the time or motivation to learn to be musically inclined. It's sort of how I feel about being at the top of my classes... I could if only I tried. Instead, I choose mediocrity.
Time to make pasta... This may or may not be continued.
My brother moved out a few weeks ago. It's really strange not having him around the house. We didn't see each other much anyway, since our work and school schedules were pretty opposite, but it's still such an odd feeling knowing that when I come home, he won't eventually stumble home from wherever he spends his life. I miss him. I've always had a sibling to whine about parents with, to watch TV with, and to playfully argue with. Now that he's no longer here, I feel like I'm an only child. Half of my team is gone. I also feel that the pressure is on for me to get out, now. He's younger by two years, and he's always joked that he had two years to the day I moved out. Now I feel like I've got negative two years to move out. I should be on my own, too. It's also strange because my parents have always had Luc to blame for everything. Well, let me clarify. They always had one other person besides me to scream at. Now, there's just me. I don't know how to deal with it alone. I just wish there was a way I could move out and not go into ridiculous debt.
Concerts lately have been phenomenal. I need to learn to play keyboard. I want to be the person in the band who is just rocking out and dancing the entire time. Life as a keyboardist looks like it's a riot, and I want in. If only I had the time or motivation to learn to be musically inclined. It's sort of how I feel about being at the top of my classes... I could if only I tried. Instead, I choose mediocrity.
Time to make pasta... This may or may not be continued.