earl grey tea with milk
School's started. It's sickening how fast I slip back into routine and complacency. I'm really excited about this year, and find all my classes interesting. I have school friends. Not just friends I see at school, but friend in my classes that I can chat with and eat lunch with and talk about Psychology with. It's everything I imagined university would be. It only took me four years to find it. All I need is to discuss Philosophy more.
I miss people so much my heart bursts. I can't explain why, but my heart is filled with longing. This applies to not only people I haven't seen in a long time, but people that I've been seeing regularly. I can't figure it out, but I just need need need.
I want things to go back to how they were before, but at the same time, I'm reveling in the closeness I'm gaining that I never really had. It's a trade-off I guess. I got my two cents in and now all I can do is sit back, deal with my trust issues, and hope for the best.
I've been thinking about identity lately, and I've been sure that I've figured out who I am for a while now. Then it comes up again, and I feel like I need to start all over. I do know who I want in my life and who I don't. I know what kind of person I want to be, but I'm never quite sure if that's who I am, or if it's who I'm projecting.
I am also still hopelessly in love. It does silly things to you, and I can't get over my patience and my absolute desire to see things through to the end. I hear a lot of my friends discussing casual sex, experimentation, and stove metaphors for dating. Part of me feels like I'm missing something, but the louder part tells me that I'm just lucky and got to skip that stage. I want to be Marshall and Lily. I was never the promiscuous type, and while I don't disagree with it, I don't think I've got the right wiring to be that kind of person. I am, and always have been, strongly attached to those that I hold dear to me. This isn't really anything new...
I've been trying to feel healthy lately. Cycling to school, going to the dreaded gym, and trying to cut down on junk food are the only things I can bring myself to do. If my mom can do it, I can do it, right?
I had a discussion today while cycling home from school about how I/we don't have unattractive friends. I mean, no one I hang out with is ugly, but I think that because I know them as a person, and see the beauty in them, I perceive them as more attractive than I would some Jane or John on the street. I distinctly remember thinking that someone was gorgeous, only to fall out of whatever relationship we had, and to discover that I actually don't find them attractive at all. Go figure.
Also, I had bronchitis. Now I've got a cough and an asthma puffer. Not cool at all.
I miss people so much my heart bursts. I can't explain why, but my heart is filled with longing. This applies to not only people I haven't seen in a long time, but people that I've been seeing regularly. I can't figure it out, but I just need need need.
I want things to go back to how they were before, but at the same time, I'm reveling in the closeness I'm gaining that I never really had. It's a trade-off I guess. I got my two cents in and now all I can do is sit back, deal with my trust issues, and hope for the best.
I've been thinking about identity lately, and I've been sure that I've figured out who I am for a while now. Then it comes up again, and I feel like I need to start all over. I do know who I want in my life and who I don't. I know what kind of person I want to be, but I'm never quite sure if that's who I am, or if it's who I'm projecting.
I am also still hopelessly in love. It does silly things to you, and I can't get over my patience and my absolute desire to see things through to the end. I hear a lot of my friends discussing casual sex, experimentation, and stove metaphors for dating. Part of me feels like I'm missing something, but the louder part tells me that I'm just lucky and got to skip that stage. I want to be Marshall and Lily. I was never the promiscuous type, and while I don't disagree with it, I don't think I've got the right wiring to be that kind of person. I am, and always have been, strongly attached to those that I hold dear to me. This isn't really anything new...
I've been trying to feel healthy lately. Cycling to school, going to the dreaded gym, and trying to cut down on junk food are the only things I can bring myself to do. If my mom can do it, I can do it, right?
I had a discussion today while cycling home from school about how I/we don't have unattractive friends. I mean, no one I hang out with is ugly, but I think that because I know them as a person, and see the beauty in them, I perceive them as more attractive than I would some Jane or John on the street. I distinctly remember thinking that someone was gorgeous, only to fall out of whatever relationship we had, and to discover that I actually don't find them attractive at all. Go figure.
Also, I had bronchitis. Now I've got a cough and an asthma puffer. Not cool at all.