bent
I apologize in advance if I'm unusually vague. This is not entirely my story to tell, but I've become immersed in it and I need to get it off my chest.
A secret was kept from everyone. Actually kept, which is amazing considering the circumstances. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. Or, more accurately, I can't believe I didn't see it happening. I understand why, and I'm not angry because I was not in the know earlier. I am not angry because I was told. I am angry because the person who should have told me didn't. The person who did tell me is very dear to me, and I'm glad we had the chance to talk about it. I still don't understand why the other person couldn't have told me first. There was opportunity. There was time. There was clearance. I think if I'd heard it from her, my reaction would be different. I'd lost them once before, and the fact that I'm losing them for a second time is only okay because the person I lost them for is the person that lost them now. Lost may not be the best word, but it's all I can think of right now. I am annoyed that I now have to consult with two to three people in order to see people that previously never needed plans. I'm afraid that this complex dynamic might cause trouble. Ignorance may have been bliss in this case, and yet I can't help but feel like honesty would've saved me the pain. I'm aware that this particular perspective is biased and self-centered. I can't really comment on anything else until I've heard another side or two of the story. The up side of this is that I'm talking more to the people involved, and I welcome being more connected in their lives like I once was. I'm awaiting one, two, three, four, five, maybe six deep conversations. Text and phone calls will not suffice. While tears will most likely be involved, I'm hoping it'll help me understand. I love them with all my heart and can't imagine them not being in my life in some way or another. There is nothing either of them could do to make me stop caring about them. I just hope I don't get bitter.
I crave the simplicity of our old lives. Is that too much to ask for?
A secret was kept from everyone. Actually kept, which is amazing considering the circumstances. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. Or, more accurately, I can't believe I didn't see it happening. I understand why, and I'm not angry because I was not in the know earlier. I am not angry because I was told. I am angry because the person who should have told me didn't. The person who did tell me is very dear to me, and I'm glad we had the chance to talk about it. I still don't understand why the other person couldn't have told me first. There was opportunity. There was time. There was clearance. I think if I'd heard it from her, my reaction would be different. I'd lost them once before, and the fact that I'm losing them for a second time is only okay because the person I lost them for is the person that lost them now. Lost may not be the best word, but it's all I can think of right now. I am annoyed that I now have to consult with two to three people in order to see people that previously never needed plans. I'm afraid that this complex dynamic might cause trouble. Ignorance may have been bliss in this case, and yet I can't help but feel like honesty would've saved me the pain. I'm aware that this particular perspective is biased and self-centered. I can't really comment on anything else until I've heard another side or two of the story. The up side of this is that I'm talking more to the people involved, and I welcome being more connected in their lives like I once was. I'm awaiting one, two, three, four, five, maybe six deep conversations. Text and phone calls will not suffice. While tears will most likely be involved, I'm hoping it'll help me understand. I love them with all my heart and can't imagine them not being in my life in some way or another. There is nothing either of them could do to make me stop caring about them. I just hope I don't get bitter.
I crave the simplicity of our old lives. Is that too much to ask for?