what ... the ... fuck ...
i want nothing to do with anyone, i am severely depressed, i am boarderline suicide daily, i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate people, i hate society, i dont actually feel the emotion of hatred for anything or anyone its mor elike dislike but yesterday I realized that I do havethe actual feeling of hatred towards on person in the world. it has been a bad realization and a bad couple days since that happened. i have never felt anything like it. i am disturbed.
i met a nice girl named jen. she is great. we hit it off wonderfully. i didnt even wanna go on a date with her but i did. and it was great. we have seen eachother 3 or 4 times now. she made me cookies. i made her breakfast. which yea, means she slept over. no, we did not have sex. almost & wanted to but didnt. i like her i really do. she is a nice person. she has a nice body. in comparison to most girls i would say that superficially she is 'hot' and then bang ... all over. She 'wants to talk' and we all know what that means. bye bye jen. i have been writing lyrics, sketching things, thinking about people, about how i have no family when you really get down to it. i have occupied my time by dreaming nightmares when i pass out, writing lyrics to songs i will never make, and talking to only one person on a not normal basis other than jen. that would be my ex's friend. how does it even make sense that i talk to her? i dont get it really but she is nice enough to me that i feel like i can tell her almost anything. i just cant help but want to tell her things about jill and i think i do a decent job not telling her. i slipped up once but it hasnt happened again since. seriously i dunno what it is about this one person that makes me actually want to talk to them but whatever ill just go with it for now. she will probably think im a lunatic anyhow.
days blur by me ... is that normal? am i supposed to be content with being alone? is god trying to tell me something? is there a god? if there is why would he let bad things happen? what is being self aware exactly? how do we know i from me from you to me? think about it this is what i contemplate when im bored and i have nothing else to do ... that and i envision horrible things.
I hate myself and I want to die - Kurt Kobain
i met a nice girl named jen. she is great. we hit it off wonderfully. i didnt even wanna go on a date with her but i did. and it was great. we have seen eachother 3 or 4 times now. she made me cookies. i made her breakfast. which yea, means she slept over. no, we did not have sex. almost & wanted to but didnt. i like her i really do. she is a nice person. she has a nice body. in comparison to most girls i would say that superficially she is 'hot' and then bang ... all over. She 'wants to talk' and we all know what that means. bye bye jen. i have been writing lyrics, sketching things, thinking about people, about how i have no family when you really get down to it. i have occupied my time by dreaming nightmares when i pass out, writing lyrics to songs i will never make, and talking to only one person on a not normal basis other than jen. that would be my ex's friend. how does it even make sense that i talk to her? i dont get it really but she is nice enough to me that i feel like i can tell her almost anything. i just cant help but want to tell her things about jill and i think i do a decent job not telling her. i slipped up once but it hasnt happened again since. seriously i dunno what it is about this one person that makes me actually want to talk to them but whatever ill just go with it for now. she will probably think im a lunatic anyhow.
days blur by me ... is that normal? am i supposed to be content with being alone? is god trying to tell me something? is there a god? if there is why would he let bad things happen? what is being self aware exactly? how do we know i from me from you to me? think about it this is what i contemplate when im bored and i have nothing else to do ... that and i envision horrible things.
I hate myself and I want to die - Kurt Kobain