Why can't I recognize a great thing when I see it...
So... not that my life revolves around guys, but...recently I admit the subject has been on my mind. So, there is this absolutely wonderful guy. Who totally respects me. Who thinks I'm incredibly funny. Who gives him "energy." Who thinks that God and faith is intricate to life, but doesn't go around trying to "save" people. Who demands genuiness and honesty. Who never makes perverted jokes or implies anything with sex, masturbation...sadly, typical "guy" topics. Who is such a great conversationalist. Who is a wonderful dancer!! Who loves his family so much. Who is incredibly smart, funny, and motivated. Who is liked by everyone else. Who is interested in me. Who would be soooo great to me and for me. Who would treat me so well. Who would encourage me to fly and educate myself about everything. Who wouldn't demand that I have an opinion on everything. On every political matter. Who is okay with us discussing stuff and not coming to a conclusion.
So what's my problem?
I asked God to send me a guy with this, this, and this quality. And he served up Tim on a silver platter to me. Why do I not want this?!!!!
So, last night after I had had three VERY long days...Tim came over (bringing me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I have ever seen because I once remarked that I wanted flowers in my room every day), and waited oh so patiently for about a half an hour while I put my life back together, called a guy for an interview for the Daily....and then went out into the courtyard and threw the Frisbee around with me. While we conversed. (Why am I so stuck on the fact that he's a great conversationalist??) Then, (he had borrowed a car from a friend) he took me for a drive to this cute part of town where there was this cafe. But because we got a late start (my fault), it was already closed. So, he took me to a different coffeeshop. And we conversed. And then he took me out to the campus apartments (while we conversed) and showed me the horses. So we got out and petted them. Then he took me back to his room to get a vase and came back to the room. He could tell that I was absolutely exhausted, so he left. But, he called a minute later because I had forgotten my keys in the car. So, he came back and convinced me to swing dance with him. (FYI, he is a fantastic dancer!!!) And then, Rachel came in who was in a bad mood (despite her attempts to hide it), and exhausted, so Tim kindly left.
Had I had serious feelings for this guy, that would have been one romantic date...had I had feelings...Why? He's everything I say I've always wanted. Bless his heart, he even tries to tease me (which I really do crave from guys), but I just don't respond to it like I do with others. He is EVERYTHING I say I've always wanted...
This weekend he's taking me to a Funky Formal--reason to get dressed up, and for him to dance with me. I admit I am a sucker for guys who can dance, even though I can't.
I know I need to speak up, say "Hey, I'm not interested", but I can't. I don't like it when he touches me, but I know there is no reason why I shouldn't be interested. Maybe it's because I know if it's meant to be, it will. Our friendship is not going to die because we don't date each other. I don't feel any rush to date him. I don't feel like I am going to "lose" him. But, at the same time I am soo afraid I am going to mess things up, that he's going to see me for the charmer and dropper that I, sadly and admitedly am, and he's going to walk away. With every right to. I know I need to speak up now before it goes any further....but there's no reason to.
Except that I am unsure of my feelings for him. Except that there are only two weeks of school left. Except for the fact that I honestly do not want him to be my rebound guy. Isn't that sad? I say I want all this, but in all actuality I really want just a fun guy to take my mind off of stress, who I can enjoy his company for awhile, and then move on. I'm not looking for a serious relationship here! Which is exactly what it would be like with Tim. Which it should be.......
Ahh!! I have no reason to complain here. My life is so terrible. This incredibly great guy is interested in me and I am unsure of how I feel toward him. I know. Sorry for wasting your time reading this......
So what's my problem?
I asked God to send me a guy with this, this, and this quality. And he served up Tim on a silver platter to me. Why do I not want this?!!!!
So, last night after I had had three VERY long days...Tim came over (bringing me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I have ever seen because I once remarked that I wanted flowers in my room every day), and waited oh so patiently for about a half an hour while I put my life back together, called a guy for an interview for the Daily....and then went out into the courtyard and threw the Frisbee around with me. While we conversed. (Why am I so stuck on the fact that he's a great conversationalist??) Then, (he had borrowed a car from a friend) he took me for a drive to this cute part of town where there was this cafe. But because we got a late start (my fault), it was already closed. So, he took me to a different coffeeshop. And we conversed. And then he took me out to the campus apartments (while we conversed) and showed me the horses. So we got out and petted them. Then he took me back to his room to get a vase and came back to the room. He could tell that I was absolutely exhausted, so he left. But, he called a minute later because I had forgotten my keys in the car. So, he came back and convinced me to swing dance with him. (FYI, he is a fantastic dancer!!!) And then, Rachel came in who was in a bad mood (despite her attempts to hide it), and exhausted, so Tim kindly left.
Had I had serious feelings for this guy, that would have been one romantic date...had I had feelings...Why? He's everything I say I've always wanted. Bless his heart, he even tries to tease me (which I really do crave from guys), but I just don't respond to it like I do with others. He is EVERYTHING I say I've always wanted...
This weekend he's taking me to a Funky Formal--reason to get dressed up, and for him to dance with me. I admit I am a sucker for guys who can dance, even though I can't.
I know I need to speak up, say "Hey, I'm not interested", but I can't. I don't like it when he touches me, but I know there is no reason why I shouldn't be interested. Maybe it's because I know if it's meant to be, it will. Our friendship is not going to die because we don't date each other. I don't feel any rush to date him. I don't feel like I am going to "lose" him. But, at the same time I am soo afraid I am going to mess things up, that he's going to see me for the charmer and dropper that I, sadly and admitedly am, and he's going to walk away. With every right to. I know I need to speak up now before it goes any further....but there's no reason to.
Except that I am unsure of my feelings for him. Except that there are only two weeks of school left. Except for the fact that I honestly do not want him to be my rebound guy. Isn't that sad? I say I want all this, but in all actuality I really want just a fun guy to take my mind off of stress, who I can enjoy his company for awhile, and then move on. I'm not looking for a serious relationship here! Which is exactly what it would be like with Tim. Which it should be.......
Ahh!! I have no reason to complain here. My life is so terrible. This incredibly great guy is interested in me and I am unsure of how I feel toward him. I know. Sorry for wasting your time reading this......