For Real

[festivalgirl]

OK here we go, a real update. The list:

• stress
• contract
• socially unacceptable
• Africa fundraising

So I have some time. Time to do what I want to today. I have taken the day off because I am sick. Not 'coughing and sneezing' sick, not 'lie in bed with a fever' sick, but 'burned-out, injuring myself, not able to make clear decisions, focus, reason, or make sense, stressed-out' sick. This is the kind of sick that is hard to justify because its almost the weekend, and all teachers are burned out right now, but I have never taken a day like this before and I really need it. And if I needed a Dr.'s note I am sure I would be given one and told to take more than one day. You can see it in my eyes. I have had a sleep-in relaxing morning, and my eyes are still blood shot. Like I had a real good bender last night, or maybe all week, but I haven't had a drop of any kind of substance abuse. Not since the 2 beer I had last Saturday. I also believe that substitute teachers like to have work, especially in June, so I am doing one a favour by employing her for the morning.

I have been lying in bed making mental lists of all the things I need to do today, and then said, "whoa baby, this is your stress day, you're supposed to do nothing so you can recover"... so then I tried to think of what I wanted to do, and it just seems so long since I've had the time for that that I couldn't figure it out. Then I got up to feed the princess and make coffee, and started to "beat myself up" mentally for taking the day off because "everyone is burned out"... and that is when I came up with the "subs need work too" theory. Whew. I needed my husband to tell me that it was ok to take the day off and that I deserved it. Besides I am probably avoiding the loss of a year on the end of my life by taking today off. Really, I've been a mess, doing stupid things, my hand is all torn up from pieces of clay due to a stupid incident with my pottery project, I've been angry with kids for not having a pencil ( I mean really, It's not like I don't have a drawer full to lend out!), I almost cried in the middle of the day at work yesterday. I've been falling asleep on the drive to work even while drinking really strong coffee... in fact one day I had to pull over and set my alarm for 10 min and I even had an 8 hour sleep that night! I've been saying things to the kids that don't make sense and getting them confused... I think they are better off with someone else today.

Moving on.

Before I forget: something really significant happened last week (or was it the week before?) that doesn't seem so significant in the swirl of everything going on lately, but I finally got my permanent contract! Yes my friends, I am (or will be as soon as I get up the guts to sign the contract and send it in) a permanent teacher... I will have a position somewhere in the board until I decide to quit. It's kind of a scary concept to me since  I am a commitment-phobe, but on the other hand, it means when I take maternity leave I will have a job to come back to, and when I want to do a teacher exchange (after a few, I think 2 years in my school) with another teacher in another country, I will have a job to exchange with them! And after 2 years I can actually apply to different schools! Oh so many perks! Oh yeah, and I can finally do a masters and still have my job! Thats pretty cool too! Now I just have to decide what the heck I'd want a masters in that still relates to my current job!

In May I went to a PD evening on what to do with your ED degree other than teach and it was very inspiring! I really do love teaching, but it's nice to know there are other options when you are tired of living the whirlwind teenage life! For now I fit in with all the acne and hormone changes, so I think I am fine to stay where I am, but if I ever grow up...

Socially Unacceptable... now what was I going to say? I was going to have a rant about all the things that are and are not socially acceptable in this wonderful country and culture... stuff about the smoking pregnant ladies and how we can't tell them they are hurting their children, yet it's socially acceptable for meat-eaters to harass me about choosing a healthier lifestyle... basically you can't say anything to anyone for making bad choices but you can berate and belittle someone for making healthy choices. I know my ass principal (thank you nanner for that one!) would do his best to make fun and belittle me for taking the day today, but I am making a healthy decision, and every teacher has the right to take a day off for this... yeah, I don't feel like ranting much at the moment, but I hope you get the gist.

Our Africa fundraising has gone better than expected! We set a goal of $8000 and have surpassed it! Yipee! It's very exciting. A couple of weeks ago we went to Edmonton to work with Edzimkulu at a fundraiser they were having, and just seeing the African drummers and dancers finally made all of this seem really real. Wow, were actually going to Africa! Then we got to meet several people from the organization that have been to Africa and listened to their stories and recommendations. Wow... it got my husband to thinking that we may never actually come home! I still think we will, we have an amazing 'princess' to come home to and love. Besides the fact that he has never been away from home for more than 3 weeks and will get to visit a whole other level of "home-sickness".

So we got to meet Lark Clark who is a bit of a local celebrity to us... I saw her and said, "Hi Lark," of course she didn't know me and gave me that look (we've only met on email while she was in Africa), so I said, "I'm _____ (I forgot I wasn't including my name on this site)"  and she said "oh my god you're real" and gave me a big hug! Wow! That was a little overwhelming! I can't imagine the look on my face, but I returned a warm hug like an old friend, and she explained that on the CKUA email she had she got a lot of "prank" emails and didn't know what to believe and what to brush off, so she'd been pretending we weren't for real just in case. Then someone told Jim and Chris (the founders who are in Canada for a couple of months) that we were here, and they came rushing over with big smiles, so excited to meet us. Wow. They were such warm and genuine people and I can't even explain how amazing the energy was that surrounded this couple. I mean it was everywhere in that hall and with everyone we had met, but so much stronger in Jim and Chris. Really, it takes some incredibly amazing people to start up such an amazing organization! We had a wonderful night and then followed a map to find our 'accommodations'. A family that usually volunteers but couldn't make the event were putting us up for the night, and so we had to find their place. When we got there, there was a trail of lights up to our bedroom, so we didn't even get to meet them until the morning! In the morning we spent about an hour over coffee just talking about how the organization really needs people more than it needs money and why so many are hesitant to go. The lady of the house wanted to make a "little" donation to our trip because she couldn't actually go to Africa and wanted to support the fact that we are. My husband said, "no, you've done more than enough by letting us stay with you" and she still insisted. Her "little" donation was a cheque for $500! We couldn't believe our eyes. I would have thought it was a misprint, except that you have to write it out in words on a cheque! Wow, we really are so fortunate! Not to mention how many friends, family members and neighbours have also sent us as much as they can... in some cases more than they actually could afford I am sure. We are so grateful for every penny and every ounce of energy people have put into volunteering at our events!

Tomorrow we are back in Edmonton for an AGM for Edzimkulu and another fundraiser, and hopefully some AIDS training and to meet with people who have been to Africa so we can ask them questions. I am really looking forward to spending time in that wonderful energy again!

Well that is all for now. Have a wonderful day!