My head is being infested with OCD!!
I wasn't sure if I was ever going to write in LiveJournal again. Honestly, I don't feel like doing much of anything lately, I'm drenched with tears of sadness, I'm deemed a failure in my own eyes.
So I'm supposed to still be off work on disability, and I've been doing my extensive cognative therapy. This is the path to wellness, and now I'm being forced to take a short cut that might take me in the wrong direction, maybe even leading me right back to the beginning.
I have two credit cards, the first one was designated for emergencies, and when that filled up, number two took it's place. Number two was SUPPOSED to just be there for a piece of mind, and now, it's starting to fill up like the rest. If only my ferrets didn't get a massive infection a month or two ago. If only Cocoa didn't have diahhrea so powerful she needed IV's and now has been diagnosed with adrenal disease, if only Precious and Cocoa didn't need expensive needles every month. If only they didn't get fleas at one of those vet visits, and now require treatment. If only...
Funny thing about adrenal disease; there's no cure AND the treatment isn't always a permanent option. For example, Precious needs a $40 needle containing 100mcg's of Lupron. Eventually her body could become immune to this, and the dosage would double, as would the price.
I talked to my psychiatrist about how my thoughts are always racing, that I don't have a moment of refuge from my mind. My OCD has actually started affecting my thoughts not only by making me move my furniture, but by repetitively reminding me of my failures and problems. I have to wait and see what he wants done to relief some of the pressure, but for now, the only option I have is to try and get a job at Value Village. He says he can't guarantee that will work because I still have a ways to go with my treatment but what option do I have!? I can't save my ferrets without a job.
I hate this all. I just want to get better, be normal, and have healthy ferrets.
So I'm supposed to still be off work on disability, and I've been doing my extensive cognative therapy. This is the path to wellness, and now I'm being forced to take a short cut that might take me in the wrong direction, maybe even leading me right back to the beginning.
I have two credit cards, the first one was designated for emergencies, and when that filled up, number two took it's place. Number two was SUPPOSED to just be there for a piece of mind, and now, it's starting to fill up like the rest. If only my ferrets didn't get a massive infection a month or two ago. If only Cocoa didn't have diahhrea so powerful she needed IV's and now has been diagnosed with adrenal disease, if only Precious and Cocoa didn't need expensive needles every month. If only they didn't get fleas at one of those vet visits, and now require treatment. If only...
Funny thing about adrenal disease; there's no cure AND the treatment isn't always a permanent option. For example, Precious needs a $40 needle containing 100mcg's of Lupron. Eventually her body could become immune to this, and the dosage would double, as would the price.
I talked to my psychiatrist about how my thoughts are always racing, that I don't have a moment of refuge from my mind. My OCD has actually started affecting my thoughts not only by making me move my furniture, but by repetitively reminding me of my failures and problems. I have to wait and see what he wants done to relief some of the pressure, but for now, the only option I have is to try and get a job at Value Village. He says he can't guarantee that will work because I still have a ways to go with my treatment but what option do I have!? I can't save my ferrets without a job.
I hate this all. I just want to get better, be normal, and have healthy ferrets.