(no subject)
its been wayyyy long since i updated last...
yesturday sucked! freaking i hate when mr oniell is mad at me! its like the worst ever! and to top that situation off i couldnt take a shower because someone took all my shower stuff out of my locker [which was locked] in the locker room! yeah i was definitly p-oed. i felt so dirty and gross the whole day, which made me all grouchy and i dont like it when i am like that. i love rick morely he is the best, he always knows when i am haveing a crappy day.
but today was a 1/2 day, 4th 5th and 6th hours. not bad.. went with chelsea to pizza hut. got the buffet for SIX BUCS HECK YES!!! that was sweet, but then these weird older guys came in there and sat at the table next to us..it was funny tho cuz they were talkign about my shurt [[melvindale playoff shirt]] yeah just got home from that gonan ghet homework done now so i can go to the jv game tonight after football...then might go over CAmerons house before i go to my grandmas and then to football..
so i have realized a lot so far this year.....
*true friends are the only ones that matter, its quality not quantity. thats deffinilty true. For so long i have always wanted sooo many friends, always wanted to be everyone's friend, but frankly thats not possible. yes i have TONS of 'aquantices' but thats all a lot of people are. honestly. and that isn't bad. i dont have problems with people, unless there are people who cant stand me which wouldn't be surprising at all. but i've realized those kind of people aren't important. and friends are awesome..i love them all. serioulsy there isn't one thing i wouldnt do for any one of them. another thing a long this line is that, its ok to lose friends. as bad as it sucks i have finally been able to deal a little. i mean me and breanna, gosh, we were like paper and glue. i miss us sooo much, but we have jsut grown apart i guess. as much as i wish it wasn't true it is. people grow up. and people change. its life. and sooner or later you have to learn to deal. yes it still bugs the crap out of me at times, but others its like i dont mind. at least we are on terms where we can say hi to each other now, its better then pretending we dont exist.
*i really am in love with Cameron. its still weird to think of tho..i mean I AM HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH HIM...i never imagined myself falling so hard for a guy that i was actually in a realationship with at least not in high school. but it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. he has taught me so much, and changed my life for the better. because of him i am now closer to God which is definitly an answered prayer. i dont drink anymore, i try my hardest not to swear even a little, i try and bring other people closer to him, i cna argue my faith with facts not just my opinion, its just all in all such a better realationship...yes i still stumble, but not i have the courage and accountablitly to keep going. i love him soo much, seriously when next fall comes i have NO IDEA what everything will be like. i hate talking about it. it scares me. he WILL be gone. no ifs about it. he is soo smart and talented. it would be selfish of me not to want him to go on to great things. i jsut know in my heart "WHATEVER HAPPENS, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, AND EVEN EVERYTHING THAT DOESN'T." .....i just hope when it comes to that time, my friends will remind me of my own words...
*i need to let go and let God! i need to be able to give my problems to God, tell him here, take them, take them ALL. i get too frustrated with everything and it all builds up inside and then all falls out at once and in the wrong situation to the wrong person. i hate when i break down. its the worst ever. i need to learn to talk. i have a hard time talking about my emotions with people, even the people i am closest with. yes i have gotten a little better, but i still suck at it. ....and i get too angry when things dont go the way i want them to, yes its a horrible flaw i am willing to admit. i need to be more flexable. and freaking relax a bit. ...easier said then done.
*i CANT do everything! i can not do everything, its too much. i hate admitting that. so i wrote down everything i an involved in just right now durign this part of the year -grabs planner- lol: grades (keeping A's), church, vball (working out, practiceing), football (we're in the playoffs now, so even longer season running into vball season), student council, president of the class (tons of crap for that to do that nobody realizes), NHS, work (calling off all the time isn't cutting it), key club (used to love, but whats it really about now..it is supposed to be helping with the community not helping oursleves raise money for us to bennifit), diversity club (huge online project with Bangladesh), city hall/community service hours requirment (need c.s.h. for nhs/key/in general), church youth group (i love being in that atmosphere), science club (helping my future), i mean and thats just now, when footbal is over i have church small group once a week, and christian club after school.....and i have my family and friends to szeeze in too. so my plate is over flowing......that is sooo much stuff!!!!! ahh!!! now i have to deal with coach being disapointed in me...i have to call all these people for our class and plan the fundraisers and FREAKING PROM!!....somehow get 20 service hours in order to stay in NHS....omgoodness!! Thank God homecoming is DONE. things might start to get a little normal, hopefully.
...live my life...