You Don't Realize What You Have Til It's Gone
Soo... I just got a call from my mom. One of my very good friends from 8th to 10th grade who I haven't really talked to in a really long time, but am still really grateful for, just died in a car accident. And I'm stunned, utterly and completely.
I've been in a really weird place lately, not knowing where I stand with my friends and not knowing where I fit in. It was an odd feeling, and one I don't hope to revisit ever again. Last night was good in the sense that I felt at home again, and the past few days have really helped with that; last night was just the icing on the cake. Obviously I'm still working really hard to find out how to be myself among people who don't know who I really am, but I think I've found a way to finally be rid of all those extra layers of non-Fernie that often take up a lot of space.
I'm blathering on because I don't want to have to deal with this. It's softly raining on my window. It's softly raining on my glasses.
I love my friends so very much. Thinking about Oscar's death is making me think about all of my friends, and I am literally falling apart. I never thought I'd lose a friend, never... And to lose one so fully?
I just got off the phone with Kari and Isabel. Kari's taking it really hard, obviously. She used to date Oscar, and I was sure that this was going to hit her the hardest. Isabel's in a state of shock. She doesn't believe it. And I'm just here, sitting in my chair, crying softly.
I love all of you, all of you guys who you know are my true friends. Those of you who have stuck by through thick and thin, through the annoying Fernie to the ridiculous Fernie. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Apparently, I'd very nearly not exist.
I've been in a really weird place lately, not knowing where I stand with my friends and not knowing where I fit in. It was an odd feeling, and one I don't hope to revisit ever again. Last night was good in the sense that I felt at home again, and the past few days have really helped with that; last night was just the icing on the cake. Obviously I'm still working really hard to find out how to be myself among people who don't know who I really am, but I think I've found a way to finally be rid of all those extra layers of non-Fernie that often take up a lot of space.
I'm blathering on because I don't want to have to deal with this. It's softly raining on my window. It's softly raining on my glasses.
I love my friends so very much. Thinking about Oscar's death is making me think about all of my friends, and I am literally falling apart. I never thought I'd lose a friend, never... And to lose one so fully?
I just got off the phone with Kari and Isabel. Kari's taking it really hard, obviously. She used to date Oscar, and I was sure that this was going to hit her the hardest. Isabel's in a state of shock. She doesn't believe it. And I'm just here, sitting in my chair, crying softly.
I love all of you, all of you guys who you know are my true friends. Those of you who have stuck by through thick and thin, through the annoying Fernie to the ridiculous Fernie. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Apparently, I'd very nearly not exist.