Shaven heads dont do good in the 2nd Grade

[fernie_salinas]

The kids laughed at my head today... I felt horrible, ugly, undesireable... It was not a good feeling at all.

They laughed and laughed and laughed
They said I was bald
They couldn't believe I did it
They asked why...

I ask myself why
Why do I do this to myself.
I dont know know why
Why I feel this way.

Memories of my years in 2nd Grade
Flooded back
Memories of being laughed at
Being called "gay"
Memories of being different
Feelings of ugliness
Memories of me being
Unhappy

I am Fernando Javier Cosmas Olivares Salinas, Jr.
I am me.
I am gay.
I am Mexican.
I am Catholic.
But what about what's inside of me? Those thigns are all engrained in me...
Not really me, but my core.
What about my personality?
What about my looks?

Is that why I did it?
Is that why I change myself so often?
Clothes, hair, everything...
Everything is constantly changing.
Thats why I shaved my head.
Because I dont know who I am.
Nobody understands this. But me.

And that's about all I understand right now.