(no subject)
wow I haven't posted in a long time. dude.
um, really nothing's happened. today was the AP test. chorale concert's saturday. you should come. yesterday was VANVAN!! (otherwise known as visual arts night...ask ilana about that one) it was kind of fun.
lately i've been feeling like a leech. i guess that's what happens with semi-new people...but even so. I feel really out of place and overwhelming and obnoxious...I guess that's pretty much true. I guess I've noticed things recently that I'd momentarily think about, but brush aside for more familiar? things...I dunno. mostly the saga, I guess. but that's been different lately too. it's all a jumble.
I think I impose far too much. I even annoy those closest to me...Bill and Kas probably think "get off me" far too often, too. "God woman, can't you go 7 hours without talking to me?" I guess it's partially my parents. Mr. O and I were discussing this last night before VAN, with Mr. Roesch...they're interesting people. Anyway, it's mostly because my parents never hug me or anything...occasionally my father says something pseudoloving. My mother buys most of my food and some clothes...that's sufficient, in her mind. In truth, I'd like fewer material things and a more loving mother. This may sound harsh and cynical, but I was in hallmark today and was like...why don't they have one that's like "I felt obligated to buy you a card. Happy Mother's Day from your somewhat satisfied financial dependent."
My point of that rant, though, is to apologize for my often-clingy behavior. It isn't just the recent stuff...but I always encounter this with new people. I either feel over-insecure, or they get over me. Or they shun me, but we don't talk about that. I constantly hug and kiss and possibly strangle people, I guess, maybe, because I don't really have the family that does those kinds of things??
God, I sound like such a pity-seeker. I didn't mean it that way. I guess...if I ever bother you, tell me to stop. Please. Even (especially) if you're supernice. I can never tell.
GAH. *end rant*
um, really nothing's happened. today was the AP test. chorale concert's saturday. you should come. yesterday was VANVAN!! (otherwise known as visual arts night...ask ilana about that one) it was kind of fun.
lately i've been feeling like a leech. i guess that's what happens with semi-new people...but even so. I feel really out of place and overwhelming and obnoxious...I guess that's pretty much true. I guess I've noticed things recently that I'd momentarily think about, but brush aside for more familiar? things...I dunno. mostly the saga, I guess. but that's been different lately too. it's all a jumble.
I think I impose far too much. I even annoy those closest to me...Bill and Kas probably think "get off me" far too often, too. "God woman, can't you go 7 hours without talking to me?" I guess it's partially my parents. Mr. O and I were discussing this last night before VAN, with Mr. Roesch...they're interesting people. Anyway, it's mostly because my parents never hug me or anything...occasionally my father says something pseudoloving. My mother buys most of my food and some clothes...that's sufficient, in her mind. In truth, I'd like fewer material things and a more loving mother. This may sound harsh and cynical, but I was in hallmark today and was like...why don't they have one that's like "I felt obligated to buy you a card. Happy Mother's Day from your somewhat satisfied financial dependent."
My point of that rant, though, is to apologize for my often-clingy behavior. It isn't just the recent stuff...but I always encounter this with new people. I either feel over-insecure, or they get over me. Or they shun me, but we don't talk about that. I constantly hug and kiss and possibly strangle people, I guess, maybe, because I don't really have the family that does those kinds of things??
God, I sound like such a pity-seeker. I didn't mean it that way. I guess...if I ever bother you, tell me to stop. Please. Even (especially) if you're supernice. I can never tell.
GAH. *end rant*