(no subject)
Survey #1: For People Out of Junior High School
SECTION ONE: CHILDHOOD ASPIRATIONS AND PORN
1. YOUR LIFE ASPIRATION AS A CHILD: um i dunno, i went through phases of wanting to be stuff. like every kid. i wanted to be on broadway in 6th grade.
2. YOUR VIEWS ON YOUR CHILDHOOD LIFETIME ASPIRATIONS: um, some of them (meteorologist??) were downright silly...but idk
3. COULD YOU SEE THOSE SAME ASPIRATIONS AS A PORN MOVIE? no
4. HOW FAR IS YOUR CURRENT STATION IN LIFE FROM THOSE CHIDHOOD ASPIRATIONS? well, i'm planning to be a professional singer/music teacher, so not terribly far i suppose.
5. WOULD YOU RATHER JUST BE A PORN STAR? no, i'd rather look like one but not be one.
6. IF YOU WERE IN PORN, WHAT KIND OF PORN WOULD YOU MAKE? er...porn with well-developed plot lines.
7. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL YOUR PORN MOVIE? um haven't honestly given it much thought.
8. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB/CAREER (INCLUDING PORN) WHAT WOULD IT BE? singer
9. AMATEUR PORN FOR HOME USE, YES OR NO? no
SECTION TWO: WORK AND JESUS
1. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? yes
2. WHEN DO YOU CALL ON GOD MORE, DURING SEX OR WHEN FRUSTRATED? frustration, considering my virginity
3. IF GOD ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WHILE YOU WERE SAYING "OH, GOD" IN BED, WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU DO? laugh, then let him join in
4. QUIET. NO ONE'S LOOKING. ACROSS FROM YOU IS YOUR FRIEND THE WANNABE HIPPY, WICCAN, SAVE THE DOLPHINS FROM THE WHALES, BAN BRAS, MOTHER EARTH, CALL ON THE GODDESS SORT OF PERSON. YOU HAVE THIS SINGLE CHANCE TO DO/SAY ANYTHING TO THEM WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING IT WAS YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO? um, "pass the bran muffins - your boobs are sagging."
6. WHILE AT WORK, YOUR EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS COWORKER PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE YOU ABOUT YOUR LACK OF RELIGION, WHAT DO YOU DO?
7. YOU'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND AND THE END IS NIGH. PANIC, FIND JESUS, OR PARTY? party with jesus.
8. YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS UPON ARRIVING AT WORK "damn, not this again."
9. YOUR LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE LEAVING WORK "gah, that was a good dinner rush. now let's get the fry smell out of the hair"
10. APPROXIMATE TIME YOU START COUNTING HOW LONG UNTIL LUNCH "when "lunch" is defined as time i get to go home, then usually after 2 hours, some days after 20 minutes
11. COFFEE AT WORK. YES, NO, OR THE WORLD WILL END WITHOUT IT? world will end without caffeine.
12. YOUR SALARY. UNDERPAID, ADEQUATELY PAID, OR PLEASE GOD LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY? minimum wage.
13. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY AT YOUR JOB IF YOU WERE JESUS? um, i think jesus would kick drive thru ass
14. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY IF YOU SLEPT WITH THE BOSS? sharon??
15. IS MAKING MORE MONEY WORTH SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS? hell, it's sex. i mean, money. yeah, that's it...for the money...
SECTION THREE: SPIRITUAL, SEXUAL HODGEPODGE OF LIFE
1. DO YOU HAVE A CAR? no, but i spend enough time in bill's car for it to be honorarily mine.
2. IF SO, DO YOU LOVE YOUR CAR? i love bill's car. i spend more time in it than in my house.
3. IF YOU'RE A NAMER OF CARS, WHAT DID YOU NAME IT? bill's car is named...WHY DOESN"T IT HAVE A NAME?? its name is now ernie.
4. HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUAL IN YOUR CAR? um, in a sense
5. ON YOUR CAR? no. it would fall apart.
6. WITH YOUR CAR? it's an OLD MAN!
7. LUBE. YES, NO, OR WHOOHOOOO? no.
8. YOU'VE JUST DIED AND HAVE DISCOVERED THAT IN HEAVEN YOU GET TO CHOOSE TO BE ANY ANIME CHARACTER. WHO DO YOU CHOOSE? i don't watch anime...the only one i know is witch hunter robin, and she's cool. so her.
9. YOU'VE JUST DIED AND HAVE DISCOVERED THAT IN HELL YOU SUCK GWB'S COCK. HOW LONG UNTIL YOU REPENT? about negative 1 second.
10. CONSIDER YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT HUMAN. WORTH DYING FOR? yes.
11. WORTH SITTING THROUGH A SEASON OF SURVIVOR FOR? yes.
12. IF THEY'RE WORTH DYING FOR, BUT NOT WATCHING SURVIVOR FOR, WOULD THEY ASSIST YOU IN THE STALKING AND MURDER OF EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE CREATION OF SURVIVOR? they probably would, but i don't really care.
13. YOU'RE STUCK ON AN ISLAND WITH YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/BUTT BUDDY AND ONE ITEM. WHAT ITEM IS IT? a pitch pipe? *wink* or a stereo and a copy of handel's messiah
14. YOUR LOVER HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A CHICKEN. NOW WHAT? um, make sure he doesn't bite me.
15. THE FUCK? CHICKEN? yes? mine? mine?
16. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION unoccupied.
17. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WHEN YOU HAVE RUGBURN ON YOUR KNEES
18. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WITH A CHICKEN
19. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WITH A RACING CHICKEN THAT'S SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE DAMNED FINAL FANTASY BIRDS?
20. HOW MANY HOURS HAVE YOU PERSONALLY SPENT INVOLVED IN THE BREEDING OF SAID DAMNED FF BIRDS?
21. DID IT TURN YOU ON OR JUST MAKE YOU CLINICALLY INSANE?
SECTION FOUR: GOD DAMNED STUPID SHIT
1. PICK A COLOR purple
2. PICK A CONDOM pina colada
3. PICK A SONG american pie
4. PICK A VACATION DESTINATION italy
5. CAN YOU ENVISION YOURSELF HAVING SEX WITH THE COLORED CONDOM YOU CHOSE IN THE DESTINATION YOU PICKED WHILE LISTENING TO SAID SONG? gawd no, make it stop! i hate american pie...
6. NEW LAW DICTATES THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GAI AND SILLY INTERNET CYBERPET OR YOU'LL HAVE YOUR GENITALS REMOVED WITH A RED HOT POKER AND A SPOON. WHAT DO YOU PICK? a new law
7. BIRD OR FISH?
8. THE ABOVE-AS A PET OR AS DINNER?
9. WHAT YOU'RE BEST AT singing
10. WHAT YOU SUCK AT athletics of any sort
11. WHAT YOU REALLY FUCKING SUCK AT letting go
SECTION ONE: CHILDHOOD ASPIRATIONS AND PORN
1. YOUR LIFE ASPIRATION AS A CHILD: um i dunno, i went through phases of wanting to be stuff. like every kid. i wanted to be on broadway in 6th grade.
2. YOUR VIEWS ON YOUR CHILDHOOD LIFETIME ASPIRATIONS: um, some of them (meteorologist??) were downright silly...but idk
3. COULD YOU SEE THOSE SAME ASPIRATIONS AS A PORN MOVIE? no
4. HOW FAR IS YOUR CURRENT STATION IN LIFE FROM THOSE CHIDHOOD ASPIRATIONS? well, i'm planning to be a professional singer/music teacher, so not terribly far i suppose.
5. WOULD YOU RATHER JUST BE A PORN STAR? no, i'd rather look like one but not be one.
6. IF YOU WERE IN PORN, WHAT KIND OF PORN WOULD YOU MAKE? er...porn with well-developed plot lines.
7. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL YOUR PORN MOVIE? um haven't honestly given it much thought.
8. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB/CAREER (INCLUDING PORN) WHAT WOULD IT BE? singer
9. AMATEUR PORN FOR HOME USE, YES OR NO? no
SECTION TWO: WORK AND JESUS
1. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? yes
2. WHEN DO YOU CALL ON GOD MORE, DURING SEX OR WHEN FRUSTRATED? frustration, considering my virginity
3. IF GOD ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WHILE YOU WERE SAYING "OH, GOD" IN BED, WHAT EXACTLY WOULD YOU DO? laugh, then let him join in
4. QUIET. NO ONE'S LOOKING. ACROSS FROM YOU IS YOUR FRIEND THE WANNABE HIPPY, WICCAN, SAVE THE DOLPHINS FROM THE WHALES, BAN BRAS, MOTHER EARTH, CALL ON THE GODDESS SORT OF PERSON. YOU HAVE THIS SINGLE CHANCE TO DO/SAY ANYTHING TO THEM WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING IT WAS YOU. WHAT DO YOU DO? um, "pass the bran muffins - your boobs are sagging."
6. WHILE AT WORK, YOUR EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS COWORKER PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE YOU ABOUT YOUR LACK OF RELIGION, WHAT DO YOU DO?
7. YOU'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND AND THE END IS NIGH. PANIC, FIND JESUS, OR PARTY? party with jesus.
8. YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS UPON ARRIVING AT WORK "damn, not this again."
9. YOUR LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE LEAVING WORK "gah, that was a good dinner rush. now let's get the fry smell out of the hair"
10. APPROXIMATE TIME YOU START COUNTING HOW LONG UNTIL LUNCH "when "lunch" is defined as time i get to go home, then usually after 2 hours, some days after 20 minutes
11. COFFEE AT WORK. YES, NO, OR THE WORLD WILL END WITHOUT IT? world will end without caffeine.
12. YOUR SALARY. UNDERPAID, ADEQUATELY PAID, OR PLEASE GOD LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY? minimum wage.
13. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY AT YOUR JOB IF YOU WERE JESUS? um, i think jesus would kick drive thru ass
14. WOULD YOU MAKE MORE MONEY IF YOU SLEPT WITH THE BOSS? sharon??
15. IS MAKING MORE MONEY WORTH SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS? hell, it's sex. i mean, money. yeah, that's it...for the money...
SECTION THREE: SPIRITUAL, SEXUAL HODGEPODGE OF LIFE
1. DO YOU HAVE A CAR? no, but i spend enough time in bill's car for it to be honorarily mine.
2. IF SO, DO YOU LOVE YOUR CAR? i love bill's car. i spend more time in it than in my house.
3. IF YOU'RE A NAMER OF CARS, WHAT DID YOU NAME IT? bill's car is named...WHY DOESN"T IT HAVE A NAME?? its name is now ernie.
4. HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUAL IN YOUR CAR? um, in a sense
5. ON YOUR CAR? no. it would fall apart.
6. WITH YOUR CAR? it's an OLD MAN!
7. LUBE. YES, NO, OR WHOOHOOOO? no.
8. YOU'VE JUST DIED AND HAVE DISCOVERED THAT IN HEAVEN YOU GET TO CHOOSE TO BE ANY ANIME CHARACTER. WHO DO YOU CHOOSE? i don't watch anime...the only one i know is witch hunter robin, and she's cool. so her.
9. YOU'VE JUST DIED AND HAVE DISCOVERED THAT IN HELL YOU SUCK GWB'S COCK. HOW LONG UNTIL YOU REPENT? about negative 1 second.
10. CONSIDER YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT HUMAN. WORTH DYING FOR? yes.
11. WORTH SITTING THROUGH A SEASON OF SURVIVOR FOR? yes.
12. IF THEY'RE WORTH DYING FOR, BUT NOT WATCHING SURVIVOR FOR, WOULD THEY ASSIST YOU IN THE STALKING AND MURDER OF EVERYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE CREATION OF SURVIVOR? they probably would, but i don't really care.
13. YOU'RE STUCK ON AN ISLAND WITH YOUR LOVER/SPOUSE/BUTT BUDDY AND ONE ITEM. WHAT ITEM IS IT? a pitch pipe? *wink* or a stereo and a copy of handel's messiah
14. YOUR LOVER HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A CHICKEN. NOW WHAT? um, make sure he doesn't bite me.
15. THE FUCK? CHICKEN? yes? mine? mine?
16. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION unoccupied.
17. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WHEN YOU HAVE RUGBURN ON YOUR KNEES
18. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WITH A CHICKEN
19. FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION WITH A RACING CHICKEN THAT'S SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE DAMNED FINAL FANTASY BIRDS?
20. HOW MANY HOURS HAVE YOU PERSONALLY SPENT INVOLVED IN THE BREEDING OF SAID DAMNED FF BIRDS?
21. DID IT TURN YOU ON OR JUST MAKE YOU CLINICALLY INSANE?
SECTION FOUR: GOD DAMNED STUPID SHIT
1. PICK A COLOR purple
2. PICK A CONDOM pina colada
3. PICK A SONG american pie
4. PICK A VACATION DESTINATION italy
5. CAN YOU ENVISION YOURSELF HAVING SEX WITH THE COLORED CONDOM YOU CHOSE IN THE DESTINATION YOU PICKED WHILE LISTENING TO SAID SONG? gawd no, make it stop! i hate american pie...
6. NEW LAW DICTATES THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GAI AND SILLY INTERNET CYBERPET OR YOU'LL HAVE YOUR GENITALS REMOVED WITH A RED HOT POKER AND A SPOON. WHAT DO YOU PICK? a new law
7. BIRD OR FISH?
8. THE ABOVE-AS A PET OR AS DINNER?
9. WHAT YOU'RE BEST AT singing
10. WHAT YOU SUCK AT athletics of any sort
11. WHAT YOU REALLY FUCKING SUCK AT letting go