Aww, look at you, you’re talking like you think your opinion matters to me.
Now for a slightly depressing, but eventually uplifting song I wrote. Now all I have to do is compose music for it (the fucking hard part) and find someone to give it to for them to sing.
Forever far away - By Karen S.J. (Me)
Hi everyone! How are you?
I'm doing well... okay, I'm lying.
I'm not okay, but at least I can fake it.
If you were in my position, could you?
I’m on the ledge looking down,
The voices in my head telling me to jump,
But if I do who will save me?
Will it be you who catches me when I fall?
If I’ve said it once,
I might never say it again
Its just my luck,
Or lack there of,
That I’m forever far away
From you
Plummet to the earth, I’m no more,
Hit the ground and end this sorrow,
I never knew your love, you never really knew me,
It’s not my fault you never really saw me
I could have been good for you,
Been everything that you ever needed,
But you were waiting for someone else
A soul mate that you’d thought you already knew.
And if I’ve said it once,
I might never say it again
Its just my luck,
Or lack there of,
That I’m forever far away
From you
What you didn’t know is that I’m her,
You were to blind to see me standing there,
I could have loved you, been your all,
But you thought you knew better then me.
Now here I stand, dead to the world,
Even before I jump, and its all your fault
I knew you were my one and fucking only,
And you thought I was just another girl.
And if I’ve said it once,
I might never say it again
Its just my luck,
Or lack there of,
That I’m forever far away
From you
What the hell was I thinking, I wont do this for you,
This is nuts, I’m fucking stronger then this,
I wont jump over you, not now, not ever,
I don’t need you, I can go on alone,
You nothing special now that I think about it,
Your not worth ending myself, not even close,
If you can’t see me for what I should be, could be,
I’ll leave you behind, not one more thought about you
And if I’ve said it once,
I might never say it again
Its just my luck,
Or lack there of,
That I’m forever far away
From you
And I’ve said it for the last time,
Now I’ll never say it again
Its just my luck,
Or lack there of,
That you were forever far away
From me.
Okay, and now for a rant.
I really wish people would get over their fucking small mindedness. Yes I know what I did was vastly stupid, but DAMN IT! I wanted to. Its my fucking choice, my fucking body and my fucking life and everyone else can go take a fucking slow train to hell.
I got my tongue pierced, for those of you who don’t know already. Before anyone asks, no, its not meant for anything sexual, because I never did what I think your thinking to begin with, and I’m not seeing anyone anyway, and probably wont be for quite a while.
Firstly for everyone who doesn’t know, I, like many young men and women, am suicidal. Well kinda. Yes there are days that I really want to end my life, even think of how easy it would be. But after a few misses with razors and knives, and an three or four over doses I finally realized that I was a moron and was hurting my family more then I was hurting myself. So I made a promise that I wouldn’t _intentionally_ try to kill myself. I think of myself as apathetically suicidal. I shall give you an example. No, I’m not going to throw myself in front of a fucking bus, but Yes, if one is coming at me and I don’t think I have time to get out if the way then I’ll just stay there.
Basically the reason I got the tongue stud is all because I’ve been going through some major depression lately, I’ve not really told anyone, just sorta hinted at it in passing conversations, but when I get depressed I want to hurt myself, but because of my promise that I wouldn’t do that, I don't try to kill myself. But I tend to still do something that _will_ hurt me, but in a conventional sort of way, meaning piercing my ears at 3am, or getting a tattoo. Well, not having the money for a tattoo, I asked a friend if he would lend me the $30 it would take to get the piercing and I’d pay him back $40 in Feb. so we went and got it done yesterday.
Yes, it hurts to talk, No, I can’t really eat, Yes, people telling me it’s stupid hurts, But, No I don’t give a flying fuck.
I think people should be fucking happy for me for being brave enough to have a 14 gauge hollow needle shoved through the flesh of my fucking tongue, bottom first which I was told hurtsfar worse then the other way 'round. I did not cry, I only whimpered once, and I could still talk normal so that no one that day knew that I had a fucking foreign object in my mouth.
Remember, I am a good girl, I am not a fucking slut (no matter how much I wish I was) I did not get my tongue pierced to give anyone else pleasure, I did it for myself. And if you’re going to tell me how stupid I am I want you to bear in mind one thing, if nothing else in this messages has made it through your thick fucking skull. Unless you want to tell me you are proud of me, you can fall into a vat of boiling oil and fucking die.