not dead yet
i'm a bit behind here - flew out to ca for the last almost-week of july because matt texted on a friday and said anakin wasn't doing well - i booked flights on saturday, called again monday to bump them up to tuesday. anakin was put down wednesday. so many hearts breaking. so many. it was weird, but not bad. it was hard to watch matt's anguish from so close, but emotionally so far away. i don't think he actually allowed a hug until the last hug before i headed out with g.
it was enlightening, in several ways. i was definitely allergic to anakin. we definitely had different priorities (2 years post divorce, i've maxed out my roth ira each year, he has almost two maxed out credit cards and has two shrines to two sportsball teams - but also two jobs, admirably, if challenging). we fit well, politically. we care about each other and our respective families. we didn't talk about us. he had an aversion to wtx. i... sort of still feel vaguely connected?
time with g and e was lovely. i needed the down time. i helped g with some metal work (because i can literally hold things) and didn't destroy the kitchen attempting to help e. g was pseudo nudist much of the time and while i didn't feel as distracted by him as i have historically, his touch is by far more affectionate, nurturing, supportive.... just.... GOOD... better.... than most people i hug. i felt like i have some re-learning to do in the platonic touch department.
got home sunday, got a parking ticket at home tuesday, voted, barfed on wednesday (with blood), have been gently trying to sort out some things in my brain and body since then.
it was enlightening, in several ways. i was definitely allergic to anakin. we definitely had different priorities (2 years post divorce, i've maxed out my roth ira each year, he has almost two maxed out credit cards and has two shrines to two sportsball teams - but also two jobs, admirably, if challenging). we fit well, politically. we care about each other and our respective families. we didn't talk about us. he had an aversion to wtx. i... sort of still feel vaguely connected?
time with g and e was lovely. i needed the down time. i helped g with some metal work (because i can literally hold things) and didn't destroy the kitchen attempting to help e. g was pseudo nudist much of the time and while i didn't feel as distracted by him as i have historically, his touch is by far more affectionate, nurturing, supportive.... just.... GOOD... better.... than most people i hug. i felt like i have some re-learning to do in the platonic touch department.
got home sunday, got a parking ticket at home tuesday, voted, barfed on wednesday (with blood), have been gently trying to sort out some things in my brain and body since then.