an announcement of the important sort
i can't sleep. i feel like i have to share this before i explode.
i have been loathe to 'speak' of this for some time now, mostly because of that aggravating, nagging fear that tells me "the moment you say it, you'll drop it." call it superstition, if you will. i have to remind myself that this is something more than some idea i just happened to get off the evening news and that my parents talked me into, that it's more than just some vaguely flailing gesture in a random direction in the name of Doing Something With My Life.
so let's build some tension. or you could just skip a bunch of stuff and get to what i'm getting at.
i've been losing weight and working my ass off in the gym. i've lost over 6 inches and 25 pounds. and mother of god, i actually have some sort of stamina for the first time in forever. i've generally just had my shit more together. less misery over my life, less obsessing over circumstances i have no control over, less being a slob, less refusing to learn to do basic things just so i don't have to...
see, i got this crazy idea one day while eavesdropping on a guy and this woman in starbuck's. you see, this guy was wearing a uniform.
i'm not the type to put a lot of value on the concept of "fate," the idea that everyone is predestined to do something specific and there's no getting out of it. but i occasionally feel like i get little nudges or somesuch, somehow. whether it's chaos theory or fate or god or coincidence or just me taking control of all things, i have no idea. but it feels like this. is. it.
i'm gonna join the navy.
let me restate that, for myself and everyone else.
i'm. gonna. join. the. navy.
okay, that feels good.
so, how do i know this isn't another "i'mma be a cop" or "i'mma be a shrink"?
well, for one thing, this's the longest i've held onto an idea since i decided to go to the art institute. also, you don't lose a bunch of weight and get in shape if you don't want it. bad.
trust me.
the differences between the navy and AiD, however... are considerable.
firstly, i was never this excited about AiD. with art school... i think i almost did it for my mom, so to speak. that was her dream. i was kind of wanting to be an artist. but there was fear and worry there, too, this nagging feeling like it wasn't quite right. and frankly, after that first couple of weeks, the excitement wore off pretty fast. i mentioned having doubts to my mom, but she (sort of) told me that i was just listening to my dad too much.
well, it's different here. i know there will be downsides (find me something that doesn't have downsides, and i'll crown you king of earth), but the idea of what the upsides will be is too appealing.
i want to travel; i want an education. i want a disciplined environment. i like the uniform.
my only real compunction is the idea that i'm going to have to put up with a bunch of high school kids during boot camp (8 weeks), most of which will be brainless morons that are not worth speaking to. the upside is, i've got more than enough brainpower to get into any of their advanced programs, and thereby shall separated away from the most grievous wastes of protoplasm fairly quickly.
surely, i don't expect to find a lot of people i can really relate to in the navy. but then, i've learned not to expect to find a lot of people i can really relate to on this planet, so i don't really feel like i'm losing ground here. i can't be the only person on this earth that's like me that wanted to join the u.s. navy. and if i am... well... i'm used to being fairly isolated. and i still have you folks. so it's good.
so i've probably rambled a bunch. i'll probably ramble more eventually, but i'll spare you folks for now.
(i apologize for the drama; i just can't resist sometimes.)
~`~
the sand is singing deathless words to me
i have been loathe to 'speak' of this for some time now, mostly because of that aggravating, nagging fear that tells me "the moment you say it, you'll drop it." call it superstition, if you will. i have to remind myself that this is something more than some idea i just happened to get off the evening news and that my parents talked me into, that it's more than just some vaguely flailing gesture in a random direction in the name of Doing Something With My Life.
so let's build some tension. or you could just skip a bunch of stuff and get to what i'm getting at.
i've been losing weight and working my ass off in the gym. i've lost over 6 inches and 25 pounds. and mother of god, i actually have some sort of stamina for the first time in forever. i've generally just had my shit more together. less misery over my life, less obsessing over circumstances i have no control over, less being a slob, less refusing to learn to do basic things just so i don't have to...
see, i got this crazy idea one day while eavesdropping on a guy and this woman in starbuck's. you see, this guy was wearing a uniform.
i'm not the type to put a lot of value on the concept of "fate," the idea that everyone is predestined to do something specific and there's no getting out of it. but i occasionally feel like i get little nudges or somesuch, somehow. whether it's chaos theory or fate or god or coincidence or just me taking control of all things, i have no idea. but it feels like this. is. it.
i'm gonna join the navy.
let me restate that, for myself and everyone else.
i'm. gonna. join. the. navy.
okay, that feels good.
so, how do i know this isn't another "i'mma be a cop" or "i'mma be a shrink"?
well, for one thing, this's the longest i've held onto an idea since i decided to go to the art institute. also, you don't lose a bunch of weight and get in shape if you don't want it. bad.
trust me.
the differences between the navy and AiD, however... are considerable.
firstly, i was never this excited about AiD. with art school... i think i almost did it for my mom, so to speak. that was her dream. i was kind of wanting to be an artist. but there was fear and worry there, too, this nagging feeling like it wasn't quite right. and frankly, after that first couple of weeks, the excitement wore off pretty fast. i mentioned having doubts to my mom, but she (sort of) told me that i was just listening to my dad too much.
well, it's different here. i know there will be downsides (find me something that doesn't have downsides, and i'll crown you king of earth), but the idea of what the upsides will be is too appealing.
i want to travel; i want an education. i want a disciplined environment. i like the uniform.
my only real compunction is the idea that i'm going to have to put up with a bunch of high school kids during boot camp (8 weeks), most of which will be brainless morons that are not worth speaking to. the upside is, i've got more than enough brainpower to get into any of their advanced programs, and thereby shall separated away from the most grievous wastes of protoplasm fairly quickly.
surely, i don't expect to find a lot of people i can really relate to in the navy. but then, i've learned not to expect to find a lot of people i can really relate to on this planet, so i don't really feel like i'm losing ground here. i can't be the only person on this earth that's like me that wanted to join the u.s. navy. and if i am... well... i'm used to being fairly isolated. and i still have you folks. so it's good.
so i've probably rambled a bunch. i'll probably ramble more eventually, but i'll spare you folks for now.
(i apologize for the drama; i just can't resist sometimes.)
~`~
the sand is singing deathless words to me