1007th Day : The Light of Understanding
[One of those rare days..]
Today and two weeks ago are one of those rare days,
when it took me one year and half to write this journal..
No, to be exact, when it took me one year and half to stumble upon
this journal and decide to write again..
Since my last post, I've already stepped forward to my second year in college.
Meaning, I'm already a sophomore by now.
A sophomore college student majoring in Visual Communication Design.
*take a deep breath*
Apparently, after I took a deep breath, I sort-of abandoned the journal
for a few weeks before deciding to continue writing it again.
so here I am...
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Today, Friday Night on December 13th 2013, I also happened to experience something that might lead me to steady my life paths.
Let's just say a little change or shift balance in some my perspective of 'life'. After few years of 'surviving', some months of 'struggling', and several days of 'feeling like losing my passions, my hopes, and my sense of life'; I have to thank those who keep sticking with me through those sometimes-hard-fun-chaotic moments.
To be honest, I didn't really know why I wrote the paragraph above, maybe after I found some new peacefulness in me today,
it kind of popping out in my mind right this second and I want to write it down in something to express them.
Not visualize them, alright. If I tried to visualize them, maybe I'd start of by describing:
❝how comfortable I feel-typing this journal by laying half-sleepy on my dorm bed then..❞
Okay, I think you got it.
Hmm-mm back to the first topic about me continue writing again. I initially wrote it 4-5 days before my birthday on November 29th if I remembered correctly (about the timing, not my birthday as if I'd forget my birthday anytime soon). But later, it turned out I wrote this right after 14 days passed since my eighteen birthday. What a shame, really.
⌛
Let's keep going on~
I realized it might be awkward at first when I start to write again (with blog, etc), especially those fiction stuffs which I highly addicted to. But I'll keep up with the pace and smoother my writing to be even far more BETTER! YES YEP I PROMISE TO MY SELF, I WILL XOXOXO
Could you guess what happen to me today? (Bet you couldn't C;) I tried to talk of about my self,
the problems I've long faced but yet to unsolved and kept bugging me these past years even until I reached my second year in college. Maybe I... I, kind of, blurting all of it out to my mentor (we have those scheduled groups 'with senior as a mentor' in college).
The more I talked, the more I began to realize the very situation of my own problems. I don't know, again, but it fells as if the answer (um, not exactly the answer, perhaps more like the 'light' of understanding) little by little come to appear right when and after I put my problems in words, directly or indirectly.
In today's case I did it in the directly way, but it made me remember when I once experience the same 'light' of understanding when I had a chat with one of my close friend about my 'unrequited' first love in the past which was still bugging my mind at that time. The second I finished describing the tale of my 'unforgettably heartbroken' first love, as in reflex, my mind seemed to pause a while to proceed what I've written and I got those 'Oh' feeling with a blow of relief in my heavy chest. Almost all the worry, the frustation, the agony, the wonder, the confusion I fell those several years ago for my 'first' love, kind of, flew away at that moment. Because somehow I was able to see a whole different new view of what was happening with me at that time.
I also began to realize, maybe it's not only me who got the worry, the frustration, the agony, the wonder, and the confusion.
Someone close to me was also hurt. I didn't have a thought about that fact before, I never thought.. then right after that moment, I believe I have forgiven the past and more importantly, my self. Finally, I was able to let it go. Before that second, I didn't know if it must be my self who kept holding and mourned my first love (no, he's not dead in real life, he just did in my heart). I think I've never fell so free in my teenager life.
Regardless, that's what I've just experienced again today. The problem I discussed wasn't about my romantic feeling, it's more focused in some perspective in my daily college life. Hoaaahm I want to sleep with a little read before. It's around 11 pm by now and I have a class in 9 am tomorrow. Ah, easy-peachy *snort* Oh Fera remember the poster assistance, the typography ad poster, the sur------
Okay, okay I surrender I won't easy-peachied them again=='
Jeezzzz, before I finished this journal let me introduce you to those 'morally diligent' sides of mine..--'
The Conclusion:
Alright, so... today I have some new-and-better perspectives life changing experience.
Beside giving me the 'light' of understanding,
it gives me more confidence and trust in my self.
It seems important especially when you're wandering 'alone' on your own in a part of this world.
Don't know what you want or what to do or what you need. Haven't found any place supposed to be or belong to.
Okay, the previous three sentences are completely based in what I feel and parts of a song titled 'A Place in This World' by Taylor Swift (perhaps that's why I like it very much because some of the lyric inspires and suits me just fine).
Umm okay, I was getting sleepier.. sleepier. I'd go sleeping, after a little read (couldn't help it, sorry).
Intinya, aku harap setelah besok bangun dari tidur ini, aku akan jadi lebih percaya diri, memotivasi,
dan giat berusaha meraih apa yang kuimpikan, kuharapkan, kucita-citakan. AMIN :)
P.S: I'd post these a day (not exactly, maybe some few hours) after I wrote it!
OK. Night, sleep tight.
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P.P.S: I think I also began to understand some meaning behind the lyric
❝I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, Oh but life goes on..❞