Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 34, The Forest Again

[fera_festiva]

PRINCESS LEIA: Luke, tell me. What's troubling you?
LUKE: Vader is here, now, on this moon.
PRINCESS LEIA: How do you know?
LUKE: I felt his presence. He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near. That's why I have to go. As long as I stay, I'm endangering the group and our mission here. I have to face him

Comments

[minnow_53]

So it goes.

Glad you got to your Slaughterhouse 5 okay... :D

I agree that this was one of the best chapters; possibly THE best chapter. I was spoiled for the book at an Italian airport, of all places, the day after it came out. Weird, because I don't even understand Italian. But there was this running news reel on one of those big screens, and it suddenly announced that DH ended happily with Harry getting married. Before I could look away! :( I'm getting there, Fera, I'm getting there... So when I first read this chapter, I nearly jumped out of my skin, because it was so creepy. I was absolutely positive that I hadn't been spoiled after all, and Harry was going to die, and JKR had pulled a blinder. Anyway. Great chapter. Especially the dead Marauders. And great take on it, as always.

I really like your point about the easy deaths, and the use of AK as a sort of euthanasia. It does make a lot of sense.

the trick being, hiding the fact that Remus is secretly relieved he won't have to pay child support.Lol! :D And damn

[fera_festiva]

Hee, don't get me started on how much I love Kurt Vonnegut. :D

That sucks about being spoilt for DH, although I admit I LOL'd at the telling. (So was it in English or could you just randomly understand Italian, like with Parseltongue? You weren't, like, attacked by an Italian wizard as a baby or anything like that, were you?)

Lol! :D And damn, that would make a totally amazing AU, wouldn't it?

Ha! That was one of the bits I wasn't sure about. I couldn't tell if it was just too wanky. It would be an amazing AU, although you know more about these things that I do. ;) The question is, would it end with Remus climbing Tower Bridge wearing a Spiderman outfit, or a Batman one?

Thanks so much, as always, especially for what you said at the end. It is difficult to snark stuff you genuinely like, much harder than snarking all those chapters of camping, so I'm really happy it works. ♥

[minnow_53]

So was it in English or could you just randomly understand Italian, like with Parseltongue? You weren't, like, attacked by an Italian wizard as a baby or anything like that, were you?

The Italian wizard is a lovely thought, but no such luck! :D Well, it was Italian, but very basic Italian. So I knew the guy hadn't been AK'd before the epilogue.

I'm really happy it works.

Oh, it does. And it keeps getting better. :)

[fera_festiva]

If only learning stuff was that easy. :)

*Hugs* and ♥.

[spacefragments]

Actually, while we're on the subject of painless death, why is the AK curse unforgiveable, anyway? Presumably accio-ing someone's small intestine wouldn't technically be "unforgiveable", even though it would involve a much slower and more gruesome death.

wonky magic system/rules, again. you¡re better off not thinking about it; it'll save you quite a few headaches (brought on by either thinking or repeated head-desking)

mmmm kinder eggs. the resurrection stone-- i'm pretty sure that's what it does: produces false visions of your dead loved ones. so it's like having them back, only not really. didn't the tale of the three brothers say that whats-his-name with the stone went insane because of it? so dumbledore knew this, but didn't tell harry that they were just hallucinations, so that he'd be convinced they were real.

my conclusion: the mary sue cloaking device is the only hallow worth having, the other two suck (the elder wand seems like more trouble than it's worth.)

golden orb

wait, how did fanon!remus' eye get in here

I also

[fera_festiva]

my conclusion: the mary sue cloaking device is the only hallow worth having, the other two suck

I agree. The stone is good for nothing except driving you mad and the wand is basically the world's most two-faced gun.

wait, how did fanon!remus' eye get in here

LOLOLOLOL

there's a joke here somewhere about sirius drinking during OoTP, but i can't find it.

Haha, awesome! (Possibly there's also an angsty fic in there, about Sirius's kisses literally tasting of whisky, which is why Remus drinks it...)

ps. i was thinking how he'd get the money for child support and my mind went straight down to the gutter.

Hmm. I find your ideas fascinating and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. :D *Adds to plotbunny heap*

"i love hagrid! who could not love hagrid?"WTF? Hagrid stopped being likeable a long time ago. He reminds me of, say, my aunt's dog - it's never been trained and is spoiled and stupid, and smells disgusting and slobbers everywhere. My aunt likes the dog, of course she would, it's her dog. She can't see anything wrong with

[fera_festiva]

it made me so happy to see Remus and Sirius there along with Lily and James, that just felt *right* to me

Me too - there was a really nice symmetry to it, I thought. Harry's two parents and two gay godfathers. And in some ways I liked how happy they all were, because it made the scene even more poignant. But then the implications hit me...

Note also, by the way, that you can't spell "Draco Malfoy" without "drama". :P

[air_and_angels]

... Oh, and Hagrid's there too, watching Harry being pwned and crying and stuff. He survives. This is completely inexplicable.
I was absolutely certain, before DH was published, that she was going to kill Hagrid for pathos, like the poor Bear in The Last Battle. I cried BUCKETS over that bear. And it was sort of satisfying to think of Hagrid kicking the bucket.
JK Rowling is SUCH a pricktease.

[fera_festiva]

Ha! Pricktease is about right.

I'm surprised she didn't kill Hagrid for the reasons you mention, and especially since she seems to be under the impression people really like him. But no, he has this weird sort of immortality going on, so he is in the clear to do stupid thing after stupid thing and get away with it. >:(

[vickythefluffy]

First off, the least relevant of my points: OMFG THE SLIMBY SCARY PICTURE?!! I thought I was the only person in the WORLD who loves Look Around You! I have it on DVD! *squee* I full-on gawped at that icon for several minutes. Wow

[fera_festiva]

I hope you consulted your GP before viewing the Slimby picture.

Yeah, I bloody love Look Around You. :D I keep meaning to get the DVD, but until then there's always Youtube. Slimby still kills me - as does "Birds of Britain" from the last episode. I'm sitting alone at my desk giggling right now.

Surely a giant is as good as a...blood-traitor to a Death Eater

Totally. And, in any case, he spends all his page-time in this chapter bellowing at everyone. I think someone hits him with the STFU charm, but they have no reason not to kill him and still they don't. Fuckers.

LOOK OUT. YOU COULD BE NEEEXT.

LOL! I doubt it, somehow. :D

Much loves back. *hugs*

[vickythefluffy]

I did consult my GP, but I am still experiencing some listlessness

Baby birds are called "bees".

[fera_festiva]

OK, so your justification of my future assassination is either extremely flattering or extremely terrifying. ;)

I wish the STFU charm was canon. I'd also like to see the GTFO charm, the RTFM charm, and most of all the Ghettofabulus charm.

you have an amazing way of making me see how ridiculous and stupid and boring so much of it is

Oh, but that makes me feel bad! I only ever meant to rant about things - I'm not on an anti-JKR crusade or anything. (I'm going to do HBP next, but I'm not sure if I want to go near PoA, because it's my favourite and I don't want to ruin it, you know?) I do still like Harry Potter and JKR, even after all this - in fact, to prove it, I will soon be changing my name to Synthesiser Patel Deathly Hallows Festiva. :D