Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 33, The Prince's Tale
Chapter summary:
So. We start with Voldemort setting an entirely arbitrary time limit of an hour for Harry to give himself up, so our hero acts fast, pegging it back to the castle with his homies in tow. In the Great Hall, they discover that Firenze (centaur dude) has been injured, and - oh noes - Lupin and Tonks have both died offscreen and presumably in totally n00bie ways. God, too easy.
Did we ever get confirmation, by the way, that these were the two "extra" characters that got offed? Because it sure feels like that. Their deaths are so completely pastede on yay as to be beyond badfic. It's like JK Rowling's editor said, "This is great, Jo, only criticism is not enough deaths" and she went, "Oh, OK, fine, give me that manuscript" and scribbled, Um... Lupin and Tonks die in the margin.
Oh, who am I kidding? JKR doesn't have an editor!
Now I'd pretty much expected Remus to bite it, and I think it makes sense for his character; but he deserved a Jek Porkins death at least, arguably even an Obi-Wan Kenobi death, at least based on the role he had earlier in the series. ("You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I will come back more shabby and unemployable than you can possibly imagine.") Tonks, if she had to die, was a prime candidate for a Porkins/Biggs Darklighter death, but I honestly think it would have been better for her to survive. Her death doesn't make sense, and I don't mean in a "death in wartime never makes sense oh well at least she died in battle" way, I mean in terms of a good and satisfying story. In one of those post-DH interviews, as I recall, JKR said she killed them off to make Ruxpin an orphan and therefore parallel Harry's story. Leaving aside the part where if you have to explain it in an interview it's probably not very well-written, I'd argue it doesn't parallel Harry's story very well anyway. If she wanted to parallel Harry's story, I'd argue she should have been considerably more explicit about it; for example, showing Tonks sacrificing herself for Ruxpin on the page. Back in chapter 12, Voldemort kills a random German woman and her kids; we see her literally shielding them with her body. The parallel between that woman's sacrifice and Lily's is, in my view, more obvious than anything involving Tonks. Even seeing Ruxpin on-page once might have helped. We only ever see him in a photograph, and then mentioned as being nearby in the epilogue.
And in any case, I thought we already had a parallel with Harry, and that was Voldemort? Both orphaned and unloved and all that, but they chose different paths in life. I thought that was the whole point? (Or it was until it turned out Voldemort was born a psychopath and Harry started crucio-ing people, anyway.)
I dunno. I just sometimes get the impression that JKR, having inserted the Lupin/Tonks subplot, couldn't be bothered to resolve it properly (as evidenced by handwaving their relationship woes away in chapter 22 and killing them offscreen here). More than anything, the way their alleged relationship was handled reminds me of this:
So, anyway, Harry wangsts out over all the dead Bothans and makes his way immediately to the Headmaster's office, where he pours Snape's milky fluid (um... there was no need for that, was there) into the Pensieve. He dives right in, and so begin the flashbacks!
First off, we're in a park in what appears to be an industrial town. Lily and Petunia are kids and are playing on the swings. Lily is showing off and flying and stuff, and Petunia is pissed off at her. Lily addresses Petunia as "Tuney", which is the worst nickname in this book. Small-boy-Snape is watching them. Listen, right, I know he's a horrible bastard later and all that, but my heart really does go out to him here. It's the mismatched clothes that do it, I think - and I appear to have a weak spot for neglected kids. (Doesn't mean I like him as a person, but it definitely makes him more interesting as a character.) Anyway, he tries to indulge in some trademark JKR-style explanation about how Lily's a witch, and he even manages to balls that up, demonstrating what a n00b he is, even at such a young age. They argue, during which he calls Petunia a muggle, and we discover that Snape and the Evans sisters (which would be a good name for a postmodern close harmony/goth band, which I will be forming as soon as I finish the uberwank) grew up in the same town, but he clearly lives in a dodgy area. They flounce, and he looks sad.
... CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN!!!!!
Cut to later, and Snape and Lily, still kids, are hanging out in the woods, where he is telling her all about the wizarding world and how she'll get to come to Hogwarts and all about Azkaban, too. Surprise! "That awful boy" that Aunt Petunia referred to way back in OotP was Snape (and not James, which a surprising number of people, fansites etc seem to assume - including the Lexicon, which doesn't even question the possibility that it was anyone other than James and still has a great long explanation of when said conversation must have taken place, which is, of course, wrong. N00bs). Anyway, they talk about how Snape's parents yell at each other all the time, and then they get on to Azkaban and the dementors, and then Petunia falls out of the bush she's been spying from. They argue again, a tree branch falls on Petunia, and the sisters run off. Severus n00bs up for the second time. CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN!!!!!
Cut to Platform 9 3/4, where Lily is about to get on the train for school, and Petunia is flipping out because she can't go. She calls Lily and Snape freaks, which makes me all nostalgic for growing up in Plymouth. If only she'd throw an empty Bacardi Breezer bottle at them or threaten to chin them. Lily counters that if it's for freaks, then why did Petunia write to Dumbledore and ask to come anyway? BURN.
Man, I really like this chapter - not because I am Snape's astral wife or anything like that (ha, he wishes), but because here, JKR is showing us things happening, rather than just giving us her word that they did, and it makes for considerably more interesting and engaging reading.
Cutscene to the train, where we are on the way to Hogwarts with Lily and Snape and Sirius and James and some other boys. Lily is cross with Snape for making Petunia hate her; he cheers her up by starting a discussion about the four Hogwarts houses: Kittenrapist (where he intends to be, and where he tells Lily she'll be too), Gryffindorowling, Pansydivision, and Starbucks. James says he'd rather chop off his own bollocks and eat them than be in Kittenrapist; he plans to be in Gryffindorowling, the coolest house of all. Sirius is all like, "u r n00b" and James is all like "tits or GTFO" and Sirius replies "At least I have chicken", they simultaneously rickroll each other, and they are instant friends. They combine their powers to pwn Snape. He joins Lily in performing one of her trademark flounces.
Cut to the sorting, and we already know where everyone ends up. It's pretty cool, though, as we get to meet the whole MWPP generation as 11-year-old kids, giving this chapter something of a Muppet Babies vibe.
Cut to several years later, and a teenage Lily and Snape are arguing. You see, she's a mod, and he's a rocker, which equals cognitive dissonance or something. Or possibly he's a Harmonian and she sails the Good Ship. Something like that. I forget exactly. They are arguing. Her eyebrows are "travelling further and further up her forehead" - so there's an interesting comparison to be made between Lily and movie!Hermione. Possibly. Lily mentions that the friends Snape hangs out with have an "evil" sense of humour - so do Fred and George, so there's something interesting in there too if only I could be bothered to think about it. Snape counters her argument by raising the issue of the Marauders (which would be a great name for... wait, surely there's a band called this already? Pirate-punk, I'm thinking), and the fact that Lupin is ill every month at the full moon and, OH, LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL J FOX IN TEEN WOLF AND HAS THE WOLFIEST NAME EVER AND ROLEPLAYS A WEREWOLF CHARACTER AND IS A FUCKING WEREWOLF. She's like, "I know your theory", as if it isn't true. (Yeah, Lily, and there are serious holes in the theory of gravity which only Intelligent Falling can explain.) Snape babbles and splutters and is all, "Potter FANCIES you!" and she says, uh, no way is that happening, and Snape relaxes and looks happier and we all go, "Wait, what? Snape loves Lily? I haven't seen that suggested since I stopped posting at Harry Potter For Grown-Ups in 2002!" (That theory, by the way, was called LOLLIPOPS.)
You know, although I was seriously surprised that JKR included Snape Loves Lily, on reflection I rather like it. It's like, a tale of forbidden love! Like Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story or something! Except it's unrequited, which means the entire thing is nothing but a source of misery and despondence and wasted lives, and they all wind up dead anyway, which is really quite a downer. I'm a pessimist and an angry loner, so it works for me.
Anyway, right after this, we cut to a repeat of the "Snape's Worst Memory" scene from OotP. We're familiar with this, so I won't rehash the details. But speaking of Snape as a teenager, here's a picture of me circa 1998:
(Seriously. That really is me. I'm really sorry. The best part is, back then I used to emphatically deny that I was a goth.)
Oh, just one thing to say about this scene - I think it's mildly interesting that this is Snape's worst memory presumably not because of James's bullying per se, but because it effectively marked the end of Snape and Lily's friendship. Again, JKR can do interesting and complex when she gets her arse in gear and actually does it. For much of this book (and most of HBP too) I had the overwhelming impression that JKR was just completely bored with Harry Potter and would have loved to have just given it up, but was (obviously) tied into it and aware that it needed doing. This chapter is one of the few points where she seems like she can be arsed and it makes such a difference.
Back to the chapter. The next bit is Snape and Lily, outside the Gryffindor common room, him trying to apologise for calling her a mudblood and her not accepting his bullshit. Then we move on to Snape meeting with Dumbledore on a hilltop, a scene-appropriate raging storm in full swing. This is post-Hogwarts, and that fucking annoying prophecy from book five is the topic. Snape is aware that Lily is now on Voldemort's list (in the "ooooh, you're on my list" sense rather than the "list of five people you're allowed to sleep with" sense). He's switching sides; it transpires that he has already asked Voldemort for Lily to be spared in exchange for Harry. That's a really telling moment for his character, one I'm very impressed with. He might be capable of love and all that stuff, but ultimately he's still selfish enough to want Lily for himself regardless of her feelings for her own family. And once again it works and JKR shows that she is a good writer and can do character development.
Still on the hilltop, Snape promises "anything" Dumbledore wants in exchange for Lily (and her family, because, remember, Dumbledore is a Good Guy) being kept safe. Scene goes all wibbly again (for the record, whenever I try to picture how that must look, it turns into all those alternative endings from Wayne's World with the wiggly arms and that, but I suspect this adds nothing to the chapter except to demonstrate what a massive geek I am) and we're in Dumbledore's office. Snape is a total wreck, because he asked Voldemort to spare Lily, but Voldemort - who, I don't know if you'd heard, DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOVE!!! - didn't bother. (Interesting that he did try - "Stand aside, you silly girl" or whatever that line is. I'd explore the implications of this regarding the Voldemort-Snape dynamic, but I've just had lunch and I'm pretty sleepy right now.) Anyway, here's some actual footage of Snape's reaction to this development.
Do not want, etc.
Dumbledore is totally unemotional like the big fucking chess piece that he is. Or maybe he's like a big tree or something, I don't know. He chews Snape out and takes the piss a little too gleefully. This goes on for a while before Snape eventually pledges to protect Harry so that Lily's spirit may live on or some shit like that.
Scene changes again and it's circa 1991 or whenever - Harry's in first year. Snape is ranting about how Harry's a precocious little shit who deserves a slap. Dumbledore is not interested, although he does tell Snape to keep an eye on Quirrell, implying that he totally knew Quirrell was harbouring Voldemort on the back of his head. That's interesting - I'm not sure I have the energy to rip it apart, but in short, Dumbledore has spent at least the last twenty years engaged in a massive Xanatos Roulette, seemingly allowing Harry to walk right into trouble repeatedly. Like I said... interesting.
Scene fizzles into behind the scenes at book 4's yule ball, Snape and Dumbledore discussing Voldemort and shit like that. And Karkaroff, that one Russian guy with a stupid beard. Snape says he isn't a coward like that guy, and Dumbledore agrees. He remarks that they "sort too soon", which provokes in me a weird mixture of feelings; on the one hand, it fucks me off because I hate the whole thing where Slytherins are just bad and wrong and evil, and there's this implication that Snape should, what, be grateful that Dumbledore thinks he could've been a Gryffindor - but on the other hand I sort of agree with it; that is, that the Sorting happens too soon. Or perhaps it's that too much stock is placed in the sorting. It makes sense that kids at a boarding school are divided into groups for admin purposes, but to do so on the basis of perceived personality traits at such an early age strikes me as a bit... unethical, to say the least. The whole sorting thing is like a massive self-fulfilling prophecy, with a generous scoop of cognitive dissonance thrown in. If you tell kids at the age of eleven that they are cunning/hardworking/clever/brave, and make their self-worth as part of their social group dependent on adherence to one of those qualities (and rejection of those who don't fit), and foster a generally quite collectivist culture enforced by a house cup and inter-house rivalries and, crucially, based around rejecting and even hating the supposedly typical traits of the outgroup (i.e. other houses), then of course you are going to end up with adults who not only conform to the stereotypes you handed them, but actively seek to do so. Those who rebel generally end up miserable. (Snape, anyone?)
Aaaaaaanyway! The next scene is set, I guess, around the start of HBP. Snape is resuscitating Dumbledore, who has picked up a fucked hand due to trying on the horcrux ring. It has a curse on it, which has seemingly infected Dumbledore; Snape has managed to contain the curse in his hand, but it will eventually spread. I have to say, I am glad that the ring was cursed. Because I'd always got the impression Dumbledore's hand had become all mash-up because he'd been wearing the ring when he hit it with an Estroyday Orcruxhay spell, because he was just that fucking stupid. So, overall, I am glad Dumbledore wasn't that stupid (well, he was, but in a tempted-by-the-devil sort of way rather than in an ironing-your-clothes-while-wearing-them way). Anyway, also in this scene it is revealed that Draco is supposed to kill Dumbledore, but Dumbledore wants Snape to do it, because Draco is still a relative innocent or something like that. Or possibly because Draco and Harry eventually falling in love and adopting a bunch of kids (which can't happen with Draco in jail, obviously) was also part of Dumbledore's Xanatos Roulette.
In my head.
Scene wibbles again, and Snapledore are in the castle grounds. Dumbledore talks a bunch of mystical bullshit about people licking frozen lampposts and things like that, and how Harry is linked with Voldemort. Snape asks what Harry and Dumbledore are up to on the evenings they spend "closeted" together, which is an interesting turn of phrase, and ultimately lends weight to my theory that Harry is going to marry Draco one day, at least according to my rather convoluted, fag-hag logic. Dumbledore refuses to tell Snape anything yet. STFU Dumbledore.
Yet another scenewibble, and we're in the office again, where Dumbledore is being infuriatingly mystical as usual, but finally reveals that Harry is a motherfucking horcrux. Oh, and Harry has to die. Oh, and Voldemort has to murder him. Woah! Dude... Was my reaction the first time I read this, and that's kind of my reaction now too, even though I know it's coming. What's most interesting, though, is that Snape is very much not happy about this development. He claims it's because he still cares for Lily after all this time, but nevertheless I think it's a very interesting character moment. I don't even necessarily think it means he likes Harry, but I think it means he's committed, and that he doesn't like being fucked around. Snape might be a bastard, but at least he's got integrity. Dumbledore, on the other hand, is a manipulative bastard. I'm not even going into this in detail, but it's all kinds of chilling to think back to the end of OotP in the light of this scene. Dumbledore claims he's telling Harry "everything", and then cries while explaining to Harry that he's going to have to kill Voldemort, whilst totally leaving out all this stuff where Harry has to walk to his own death.
(Oh, and also, we did this back in chapter 19, but it turns out that silver doe that showed up back in chapter 19 was a Snape product. Snape's patronus is a fucking doe. That greasy, child-bullying bastard has a soft side. Awww. And I said this in chapter 19 too, but it bears repeating - if Snape's patronus being a doe when Harry's is a stag isn't Snarry subtext then I don't know what is. I personally find Snarry pretty squicky, but seriously.)
Dumbledore also tells Snape that it will be safe for Harry to know all this stuff once Voldemort gets really, really worried about his snake. (His actual snake, Nagini, not his penis or anything. I suspect Voldemort doesn't have a penis, as they are filthy muggle things.) This is how come Harry is now in the pensieve watching all this. Presumably this is why Snape was trying to get to Harry earlier, when Harry was sneaking around the Ravenclaw common room and stuff like that. And I must question why Dumbledore didn't trust anyone else with this information. It's only by chance that Harry was there when Snape was killed and was able to obtain these memories, and if they had managed to meet before now, would Harry have even believed Snape? I would presume not; I suppose Snape could have shown Harry his memories using a pensieve, but I can't believe Harry would have willingly entered a pensieve, or even hung out with Snape long enough to get in one. And what if Harry had been much more badass and managed to destroy all the other horcruxes without Voldemort knowing? Voldemort wouldn't have been worried about Nagini, so Snape wouldn't have known to tell Harry. Xanatos Roulette, I tell you.
Of course, it's fiction, so it's not like chance is really an issue, but...
Onward. Snape, having killed Dumbledore, is talking with the big man's portrait. Dumbledore is directing a new production, involving seven identical Harry Potters. He has decided that Voldemort must be told the plan, but that Snape should hypnotise Mundungus Fletcher, or possibly whack the imperius curse on him, and make him suggest the decoys and... oh, fuck it, what's going on? There are so many levels of double-crossing and triple-crossing that my brain hurts and I cannot get my head around it.
Next scene is during the battle, and basically it involves Snape being exonerated for cutting off George's ear, because he really meant to cut off the hand of a death eater who was going to kill Lupin or something. Too complicated, stupid, let's move on because in general I'm enjoying this chapter and it's a nice and novel sensation and I don't want it to stop. In any case, the scene doesn't explain well enough why Snape felt he had to sing "Stuck In The Middle With You" while he did it.
Next bit is Snape emo-ing in Sirius's old bedroom, stealing the second page of the letter that Harry's been carrying around all this time, and a photo of Lily, and then he has a big old cry. Here's a hunch I have. Snape never once got laid. Because if he had, his obsession with Lily would no way have survived this long. If he'd ever got any, all thoughts of Lily Evans would have disappeared from his greasy head. There's nothing like a good, hard rebound for that, one finds.
The letter, incidentally, is only a few lines long (the part that Snape takes, anyway). It finishes the mysterious sentence from the page Harry has - the thing that Lily couldn't believe about Dumbledore was that he was friends with Gellert Grindelwald, and here's another place JKR could have thrown in an "in love with" or similar. (Snape couldn't give a fuck about that, he's interested in the part that reads "love, Lily".)
For the final memory, we jump to the other end of the emotional spectrum, as Phineas Nigellus, squeeing like a monkey on MDMA, runs into his frame in the headmaster's office. He's excited because he managed to figure out that our intrepid trio are camping in the Forest of Dean. For the record, Phineas is the only person in the entire world excited by the camping. Dumbledore's portrait is kind of excited too, and yelps at Snape to go and plant the Sword of Mother Fucking Gryffindor and remember that it must be found by Harry "under conditions of fucking moronic stupidity need and valour". Snape GTFOs of the office and Harry GTFOs of the pensieve.
So, yeah, I do like this chapter. Mainly because I like it when the action cuts away from Harry - it gets really boring sticking with him while he scratches his arse, then finding out that while he was doing that, something massively badass was happening somewhere else. I suppose it's sort of cheating to rely on pensieves and so on, but bollocks to that, this is JKR at her best, even if there are a few plot holes here and there. In any case, there were lots of other bits of the book I remember liking the first time around, but loathed on the second or third go. This is still good.
I must admit I do still feel a bit bewildered that Snape loved Lily and that Harry was a Horcrux, even if they do actually work. I just never, ever thought we'd see them in canon (and FWIW I could take or leave both those theories pre-DH). They both seemed like such massive fanfic cliches, and specifically the kind of fanfic cliches that even the worst Suefic authors wouldn't dare write any more, up there with 'Mione and Evanescense songfics and Harry growing two feet in height over the summer and showing up at Hogwarts in September looking like this. But, somehow, they work.
That's not to say this chapter is perfect; I do think it's good, but even reading it in one go without thinking about leaves me slightly dissatisfied in a way I can't quite put my finger on. It might be to do with how neat it all is - the best part of the loose ends from all seven books (well, the intentional loose ends anyway) tied off in one big Lily-shaped knot. What made Snape come to the Light Side of the Force? Lily. What was up with that radioactive deer? Lily. Who was behind the grassy knoll? Lily. It's also extremely convenient that Harry receives this information at a point in the story where he can act on it, when Snape is dead (so there's no awkward silences between them once Harry knows all this stuff), and so on. As always, your mileage may vary.
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Click to viewSo. We start with Voldemort setting an entirely arbitrary time limit of an hour for Harry to give himself up, so our hero acts fast, pegging it back to the castle with his homies in tow. In the Great Hall, they discover that Firenze (centaur dude) has been injured, and - oh noes - Lupin and Tonks have both died offscreen and presumably in totally n00bie ways. God, too easy.
Did we ever get confirmation, by the way, that these were the two "extra" characters that got offed? Because it sure feels like that. Their deaths are so completely pastede on yay as to be beyond badfic. It's like JK Rowling's editor said, "This is great, Jo, only criticism is not enough deaths" and she went, "Oh, OK, fine, give me that manuscript" and scribbled, Um... Lupin and Tonks die in the margin.
Oh, who am I kidding? JKR doesn't have an editor!
Now I'd pretty much expected Remus to bite it, and I think it makes sense for his character; but he deserved a Jek Porkins death at least, arguably even an Obi-Wan Kenobi death, at least based on the role he had earlier in the series. ("You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I will come back more shabby and unemployable than you can possibly imagine.") Tonks, if she had to die, was a prime candidate for a Porkins/Biggs Darklighter death, but I honestly think it would have been better for her to survive. Her death doesn't make sense, and I don't mean in a "death in wartime never makes sense oh well at least she died in battle" way, I mean in terms of a good and satisfying story. In one of those post-DH interviews, as I recall, JKR said she killed them off to make Ruxpin an orphan and therefore parallel Harry's story. Leaving aside the part where if you have to explain it in an interview it's probably not very well-written, I'd argue it doesn't parallel Harry's story very well anyway. If she wanted to parallel Harry's story, I'd argue she should have been considerably more explicit about it; for example, showing Tonks sacrificing herself for Ruxpin on the page. Back in chapter 12, Voldemort kills a random German woman and her kids; we see her literally shielding them with her body. The parallel between that woman's sacrifice and Lily's is, in my view, more obvious than anything involving Tonks. Even seeing Ruxpin on-page once might have helped. We only ever see him in a photograph, and then mentioned as being nearby in the epilogue.
And in any case, I thought we already had a parallel with Harry, and that was Voldemort? Both orphaned and unloved and all that, but they chose different paths in life. I thought that was the whole point? (Or it was until it turned out Voldemort was born a psychopath and Harry started crucio-ing people, anyway.)
I dunno. I just sometimes get the impression that JKR, having inserted the Lupin/Tonks subplot, couldn't be bothered to resolve it properly (as evidenced by handwaving their relationship woes away in chapter 22 and killing them offscreen here). More than anything, the way their alleged relationship was handled reminds me of this:
So, anyway, Harry wangsts out over all the dead Bothans and makes his way immediately to the Headmaster's office, where he pours Snape's milky fluid (um... there was no need for that, was there) into the Pensieve. He dives right in, and so begin the flashbacks!
First off, we're in a park in what appears to be an industrial town. Lily and Petunia are kids and are playing on the swings. Lily is showing off and flying and stuff, and Petunia is pissed off at her. Lily addresses Petunia as "Tuney", which is the worst nickname in this book. Small-boy-Snape is watching them. Listen, right, I know he's a horrible bastard later and all that, but my heart really does go out to him here. It's the mismatched clothes that do it, I think - and I appear to have a weak spot for neglected kids. (Doesn't mean I like him as a person, but it definitely makes him more interesting as a character.) Anyway, he tries to indulge in some trademark JKR-style explanation about how Lily's a witch, and he even manages to balls that up, demonstrating what a n00b he is, even at such a young age. They argue, during which he calls Petunia a muggle, and we discover that Snape and the Evans sisters (which would be a good name for a postmodern close harmony/goth band, which I will be forming as soon as I finish the uberwank) grew up in the same town, but he clearly lives in a dodgy area. They flounce, and he looks sad.
... CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN!!!!!
Cut to later, and Snape and Lily, still kids, are hanging out in the woods, where he is telling her all about the wizarding world and how she'll get to come to Hogwarts and all about Azkaban, too. Surprise! "That awful boy" that Aunt Petunia referred to way back in OotP was Snape (and not James, which a surprising number of people, fansites etc seem to assume - including the Lexicon, which doesn't even question the possibility that it was anyone other than James and still has a great long explanation of when said conversation must have taken place, which is, of course, wrong. N00bs). Anyway, they talk about how Snape's parents yell at each other all the time, and then they get on to Azkaban and the dementors, and then Petunia falls out of the bush she's been spying from. They argue again, a tree branch falls on Petunia, and the sisters run off. Severus n00bs up for the second time. CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIN!!!!!
Cut to Platform 9 3/4, where Lily is about to get on the train for school, and Petunia is flipping out because she can't go. She calls Lily and Snape freaks, which makes me all nostalgic for growing up in Plymouth. If only she'd throw an empty Bacardi Breezer bottle at them or threaten to chin them. Lily counters that if it's for freaks, then why did Petunia write to Dumbledore and ask to come anyway? BURN.
Man, I really like this chapter - not because I am Snape's astral wife or anything like that (ha, he wishes), but because here, JKR is showing us things happening, rather than just giving us her word that they did, and it makes for considerably more interesting and engaging reading.
Cutscene to the train, where we are on the way to Hogwarts with Lily and Snape and Sirius and James and some other boys. Lily is cross with Snape for making Petunia hate her; he cheers her up by starting a discussion about the four Hogwarts houses: Kittenrapist (where he intends to be, and where he tells Lily she'll be too), Gryffindorowling, Pansydivision, and Starbucks. James says he'd rather chop off his own bollocks and eat them than be in Kittenrapist; he plans to be in Gryffindorowling, the coolest house of all. Sirius is all like, "u r n00b" and James is all like "tits or GTFO" and Sirius replies "At least I have chicken", they simultaneously rickroll each other, and they are instant friends. They combine their powers to pwn Snape. He joins Lily in performing one of her trademark flounces.
Cut to the sorting, and we already know where everyone ends up. It's pretty cool, though, as we get to meet the whole MWPP generation as 11-year-old kids, giving this chapter something of a Muppet Babies vibe.
Cut to several years later, and a teenage Lily and Snape are arguing. You see, she's a mod, and he's a rocker, which equals cognitive dissonance or something. Or possibly he's a Harmonian and she sails the Good Ship. Something like that. I forget exactly. They are arguing. Her eyebrows are "travelling further and further up her forehead" - so there's an interesting comparison to be made between Lily and movie!Hermione. Possibly. Lily mentions that the friends Snape hangs out with have an "evil" sense of humour - so do Fred and George, so there's something interesting in there too if only I could be bothered to think about it. Snape counters her argument by raising the issue of the Marauders (which would be a great name for... wait, surely there's a band called this already? Pirate-punk, I'm thinking), and the fact that Lupin is ill every month at the full moon and, OH, LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL J FOX IN TEEN WOLF AND HAS THE WOLFIEST NAME EVER AND ROLEPLAYS A WEREWOLF CHARACTER AND IS A FUCKING WEREWOLF. She's like, "I know your theory", as if it isn't true. (Yeah, Lily, and there are serious holes in the theory of gravity which only Intelligent Falling can explain.) Snape babbles and splutters and is all, "Potter FANCIES you!" and she says, uh, no way is that happening, and Snape relaxes and looks happier and we all go, "Wait, what? Snape loves Lily? I haven't seen that suggested since I stopped posting at Harry Potter For Grown-Ups in 2002!" (That theory, by the way, was called LOLLIPOPS.)
You know, although I was seriously surprised that JKR included Snape Loves Lily, on reflection I rather like it. It's like, a tale of forbidden love! Like Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story or something! Except it's unrequited, which means the entire thing is nothing but a source of misery and despondence and wasted lives, and they all wind up dead anyway, which is really quite a downer. I'm a pessimist and an angry loner, so it works for me.
Anyway, right after this, we cut to a repeat of the "Snape's Worst Memory" scene from OotP. We're familiar with this, so I won't rehash the details. But speaking of Snape as a teenager, here's a picture of me circa 1998:
(Seriously. That really is me. I'm really sorry. The best part is, back then I used to emphatically deny that I was a goth.)
Oh, just one thing to say about this scene - I think it's mildly interesting that this is Snape's worst memory presumably not because of James's bullying per se, but because it effectively marked the end of Snape and Lily's friendship. Again, JKR can do interesting and complex when she gets her arse in gear and actually does it. For much of this book (and most of HBP too) I had the overwhelming impression that JKR was just completely bored with Harry Potter and would have loved to have just given it up, but was (obviously) tied into it and aware that it needed doing. This chapter is one of the few points where she seems like she can be arsed and it makes such a difference.
Back to the chapter. The next bit is Snape and Lily, outside the Gryffindor common room, him trying to apologise for calling her a mudblood and her not accepting his bullshit. Then we move on to Snape meeting with Dumbledore on a hilltop, a scene-appropriate raging storm in full swing. This is post-Hogwarts, and that fucking annoying prophecy from book five is the topic. Snape is aware that Lily is now on Voldemort's list (in the "ooooh, you're on my list" sense rather than the "list of five people you're allowed to sleep with" sense). He's switching sides; it transpires that he has already asked Voldemort for Lily to be spared in exchange for Harry. That's a really telling moment for his character, one I'm very impressed with. He might be capable of love and all that stuff, but ultimately he's still selfish enough to want Lily for himself regardless of her feelings for her own family. And once again it works and JKR shows that she is a good writer and can do character development.
Still on the hilltop, Snape promises "anything" Dumbledore wants in exchange for Lily (and her family, because, remember, Dumbledore is a Good Guy) being kept safe. Scene goes all wibbly again (for the record, whenever I try to picture how that must look, it turns into all those alternative endings from Wayne's World with the wiggly arms and that, but I suspect this adds nothing to the chapter except to demonstrate what a massive geek I am) and we're in Dumbledore's office. Snape is a total wreck, because he asked Voldemort to spare Lily, but Voldemort - who, I don't know if you'd heard, DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOVE!!! - didn't bother. (Interesting that he did try - "Stand aside, you silly girl" or whatever that line is. I'd explore the implications of this regarding the Voldemort-Snape dynamic, but I've just had lunch and I'm pretty sleepy right now.) Anyway, here's some actual footage of Snape's reaction to this development.
Do not want, etc.
Dumbledore is totally unemotional like the big fucking chess piece that he is. Or maybe he's like a big tree or something, I don't know. He chews Snape out and takes the piss a little too gleefully. This goes on for a while before Snape eventually pledges to protect Harry so that Lily's spirit may live on or some shit like that.
Scene changes again and it's circa 1991 or whenever - Harry's in first year. Snape is ranting about how Harry's a precocious little shit who deserves a slap. Dumbledore is not interested, although he does tell Snape to keep an eye on Quirrell, implying that he totally knew Quirrell was harbouring Voldemort on the back of his head. That's interesting - I'm not sure I have the energy to rip it apart, but in short, Dumbledore has spent at least the last twenty years engaged in a massive Xanatos Roulette, seemingly allowing Harry to walk right into trouble repeatedly. Like I said... interesting.
Scene fizzles into behind the scenes at book 4's yule ball, Snape and Dumbledore discussing Voldemort and shit like that. And Karkaroff, that one Russian guy with a stupid beard. Snape says he isn't a coward like that guy, and Dumbledore agrees. He remarks that they "sort too soon", which provokes in me a weird mixture of feelings; on the one hand, it fucks me off because I hate the whole thing where Slytherins are just bad and wrong and evil, and there's this implication that Snape should, what, be grateful that Dumbledore thinks he could've been a Gryffindor - but on the other hand I sort of agree with it; that is, that the Sorting happens too soon. Or perhaps it's that too much stock is placed in the sorting. It makes sense that kids at a boarding school are divided into groups for admin purposes, but to do so on the basis of perceived personality traits at such an early age strikes me as a bit... unethical, to say the least. The whole sorting thing is like a massive self-fulfilling prophecy, with a generous scoop of cognitive dissonance thrown in. If you tell kids at the age of eleven that they are cunning/hardworking/clever/brave, and make their self-worth as part of their social group dependent on adherence to one of those qualities (and rejection of those who don't fit), and foster a generally quite collectivist culture enforced by a house cup and inter-house rivalries and, crucially, based around rejecting and even hating the supposedly typical traits of the outgroup (i.e. other houses), then of course you are going to end up with adults who not only conform to the stereotypes you handed them, but actively seek to do so. Those who rebel generally end up miserable. (Snape, anyone?)
Aaaaaaanyway! The next scene is set, I guess, around the start of HBP. Snape is resuscitating Dumbledore, who has picked up a fucked hand due to trying on the horcrux ring. It has a curse on it, which has seemingly infected Dumbledore; Snape has managed to contain the curse in his hand, but it will eventually spread. I have to say, I am glad that the ring was cursed. Because I'd always got the impression Dumbledore's hand had become all mash-up because he'd been wearing the ring when he hit it with an Estroyday Orcruxhay spell, because he was just that fucking stupid. So, overall, I am glad Dumbledore wasn't that stupid (well, he was, but in a tempted-by-the-devil sort of way rather than in an ironing-your-clothes-while-wearing-them way). Anyway, also in this scene it is revealed that Draco is supposed to kill Dumbledore, but Dumbledore wants Snape to do it, because Draco is still a relative innocent or something like that. Or possibly because Draco and Harry eventually falling in love and adopting a bunch of kids (which can't happen with Draco in jail, obviously) was also part of Dumbledore's Xanatos Roulette.
In my head.
Scene wibbles again, and Snapledore are in the castle grounds. Dumbledore talks a bunch of mystical bullshit about people licking frozen lampposts and things like that, and how Harry is linked with Voldemort. Snape asks what Harry and Dumbledore are up to on the evenings they spend "closeted" together, which is an interesting turn of phrase, and ultimately lends weight to my theory that Harry is going to marry Draco one day, at least according to my rather convoluted, fag-hag logic. Dumbledore refuses to tell Snape anything yet. STFU Dumbledore.
Yet another scenewibble, and we're in the office again, where Dumbledore is being infuriatingly mystical as usual, but finally reveals that Harry is a motherfucking horcrux. Oh, and Harry has to die. Oh, and Voldemort has to murder him. Woah! Dude... Was my reaction the first time I read this, and that's kind of my reaction now too, even though I know it's coming. What's most interesting, though, is that Snape is very much not happy about this development. He claims it's because he still cares for Lily after all this time, but nevertheless I think it's a very interesting character moment. I don't even necessarily think it means he likes Harry, but I think it means he's committed, and that he doesn't like being fucked around. Snape might be a bastard, but at least he's got integrity. Dumbledore, on the other hand, is a manipulative bastard. I'm not even going into this in detail, but it's all kinds of chilling to think back to the end of OotP in the light of this scene. Dumbledore claims he's telling Harry "everything", and then cries while explaining to Harry that he's going to have to kill Voldemort, whilst totally leaving out all this stuff where Harry has to walk to his own death.
(Oh, and also, we did this back in chapter 19, but it turns out that silver doe that showed up back in chapter 19 was a Snape product. Snape's patronus is a fucking doe. That greasy, child-bullying bastard has a soft side. Awww. And I said this in chapter 19 too, but it bears repeating - if Snape's patronus being a doe when Harry's is a stag isn't Snarry subtext then I don't know what is. I personally find Snarry pretty squicky, but seriously.)
Dumbledore also tells Snape that it will be safe for Harry to know all this stuff once Voldemort gets really, really worried about his snake. (His actual snake, Nagini, not his penis or anything. I suspect Voldemort doesn't have a penis, as they are filthy muggle things.) This is how come Harry is now in the pensieve watching all this. Presumably this is why Snape was trying to get to Harry earlier, when Harry was sneaking around the Ravenclaw common room and stuff like that. And I must question why Dumbledore didn't trust anyone else with this information. It's only by chance that Harry was there when Snape was killed and was able to obtain these memories, and if they had managed to meet before now, would Harry have even believed Snape? I would presume not; I suppose Snape could have shown Harry his memories using a pensieve, but I can't believe Harry would have willingly entered a pensieve, or even hung out with Snape long enough to get in one. And what if Harry had been much more badass and managed to destroy all the other horcruxes without Voldemort knowing? Voldemort wouldn't have been worried about Nagini, so Snape wouldn't have known to tell Harry. Xanatos Roulette, I tell you.
Of course, it's fiction, so it's not like chance is really an issue, but...
Onward. Snape, having killed Dumbledore, is talking with the big man's portrait. Dumbledore is directing a new production, involving seven identical Harry Potters. He has decided that Voldemort must be told the plan, but that Snape should hypnotise Mundungus Fletcher, or possibly whack the imperius curse on him, and make him suggest the decoys and... oh, fuck it, what's going on? There are so many levels of double-crossing and triple-crossing that my brain hurts and I cannot get my head around it.
Next scene is during the battle, and basically it involves Snape being exonerated for cutting off George's ear, because he really meant to cut off the hand of a death eater who was going to kill Lupin or something. Too complicated, stupid, let's move on because in general I'm enjoying this chapter and it's a nice and novel sensation and I don't want it to stop. In any case, the scene doesn't explain well enough why Snape felt he had to sing "Stuck In The Middle With You" while he did it.
Next bit is Snape emo-ing in Sirius's old bedroom, stealing the second page of the letter that Harry's been carrying around all this time, and a photo of Lily, and then he has a big old cry. Here's a hunch I have. Snape never once got laid. Because if he had, his obsession with Lily would no way have survived this long. If he'd ever got any, all thoughts of Lily Evans would have disappeared from his greasy head. There's nothing like a good, hard rebound for that, one finds.
The letter, incidentally, is only a few lines long (the part that Snape takes, anyway). It finishes the mysterious sentence from the page Harry has - the thing that Lily couldn't believe about Dumbledore was that he was friends with Gellert Grindelwald, and here's another place JKR could have thrown in an "in love with" or similar. (Snape couldn't give a fuck about that, he's interested in the part that reads "love, Lily".)
For the final memory, we jump to the other end of the emotional spectrum, as Phineas Nigellus, squeeing like a monkey on MDMA, runs into his frame in the headmaster's office. He's excited because he managed to figure out that our intrepid trio are camping in the Forest of Dean. For the record, Phineas is the only person in the entire world excited by the camping. Dumbledore's portrait is kind of excited too, and yelps at Snape to go and plant the Sword of Mother Fucking Gryffindor and remember that it must be found by Harry "under conditions of fucking moronic stupidity need and valour". Snape GTFOs of the office and Harry GTFOs of the pensieve.
So, yeah, I do like this chapter. Mainly because I like it when the action cuts away from Harry - it gets really boring sticking with him while he scratches his arse, then finding out that while he was doing that, something massively badass was happening somewhere else. I suppose it's sort of cheating to rely on pensieves and so on, but bollocks to that, this is JKR at her best, even if there are a few plot holes here and there. In any case, there were lots of other bits of the book I remember liking the first time around, but loathed on the second or third go. This is still good.
I must admit I do still feel a bit bewildered that Snape loved Lily and that Harry was a Horcrux, even if they do actually work. I just never, ever thought we'd see them in canon (and FWIW I could take or leave both those theories pre-DH). They both seemed like such massive fanfic cliches, and specifically the kind of fanfic cliches that even the worst Suefic authors wouldn't dare write any more, up there with 'Mione and Evanescense songfics and Harry growing two feet in height over the summer and showing up at Hogwarts in September looking like this. But, somehow, they work.
That's not to say this chapter is perfect; I do think it's good, but even reading it in one go without thinking about leaves me slightly dissatisfied in a way I can't quite put my finger on. It might be to do with how neat it all is - the best part of the loose ends from all seven books (well, the intentional loose ends anyway) tied off in one big Lily-shaped knot. What made Snape come to the Light Side of the Force? Lily. What was up with that radioactive deer? Lily. Who was behind the grassy knoll? Lily. It's also extremely convenient that Harry receives this information at a point in the story where he can act on it, when Snape is dead (so there's no awkward silences between them once Harry knows all this stuff), and so on. As always, your mileage may vary.
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