Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 23, Malfoy Manor

[fera_festiva]

It sort of happened again. This one's got Harry/Draco in it. Bad, melodramatic, unbeta'd Harry/Draco. It's not as porny as the handjob of chapter 19, but it's there. Also, I fully expect to have failed the assignment I should have been doing instead of writing it.

Comments

[minnow_53]

Wendy Darling from Peter Pan (now named "Wendy Potter", in her 30s, and married to a man named Harold Potter who is 20 years older). O_o

Brilliant, as always. :) I don’t want to quote it all back, but here’s the shortlist of other bits I particularly liked:

Ron getting punched beats another chapter of camping any day.

...sort of like if Hannibal Lecter had said, "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some spaghetti hoops and a nice pot of strawberry Munch Bunch. Nom nom nom".

As the snatchers drag their prisoners to Casa Malfoy, Dumbledore's ex tells Voldemort he "never had it" and Voldemort is way pissed off.

The whole H/D part, from He gazes at Harry... to For then, his heart was truly ripped out.

Therefore we know that the sword is important (because Harry having to follow a radioactive deer and then jump into a frozen pond to retrieve it wasn't proof enough).

Either way, it's Ron he mocks. He does this by calling him "Ginger", which is, again, a little too mild for someone who's meant to be a sociopath.

...the world really doesn't need any (more?) werewolf!Hermione Sue-fics.

In the cellar, Ron screams Hermione's name until he gets bored and shuts up,

Without too much fucking about - a page or so - Dobby grabs Luna, Dean, and Mr Ollivander and disapparates in the direction of Bill and Fleur's place, on the edge of a supposedly Cornish town called Tinworth.

This is either to illustrate the general prejudice that exists against house-elves, i.e. a supposedly watertight charm for concealment doesn't keep out house-elves because they have been, as always, overlooked, or else because JK Rowling is pretty rich by now.

And - why, it's our old pal Wormtail, aka Peter Pettigrew, aka Scabbers, putting in the few minutes of screen time that will get him his appearance fee.

...Voldemort's wangsty thoughts about how his death eaters always fuck up and nobody understands him and it's just not fair.

But there is no way they are serious literature or whatever when a character says the word "no" with twelve Os and in all caps.

...it turns out Bellatrix managed to pierce him with a dagger and he dies (Dobby, that is, not Harry - man, that would be the biggest fucking anticlimax ever, if Harry died from a knife wound with 14 chapters still to go until the book ends).

Okay, even the abridged version got a bit long... Sorry. :(

however, points taken off for the existence of the cruciatus curse, which I have trouble buying in general. It's meant to be pretty much the worst pain ever - enough to drive you insane with prolongued exposure - nice idea, but then it's not that gory and as far as we can tell doesn't involve humiliation or violation or lasting pain.

One serious point, to end with. I think that the impact of this has a lot to do with individual readers and whether they're religious enough to find the derivation particularly grisly. JKR certainly varies it enough, though, from the Longbottoms’ perma-madness to Hermione hardly batting an eyelid.

[fera_festiva]

You know, the religious derivation of "cruciatus" had pretty much gone over my head until you pointed it out (ha, that's what I get for being a total heathen). I think you're right that's it an individual reader thing. I dunno. It doesn't even bother me that much, it was more that I felt a bit underwhelmed by one of the main characters getting tortured and couldn't put my finger on why. That and I am grumpy and enjoy being unnecessarily picky. :P

Harold Potter = O_o indeed. He's not our one, though - unless our one, post-epilogue, goes back in time, grows a beard, gets obsessed with shipbuilding, and has sex with an Austrian soldier called Rolf. (I hope JKR reads this somehow and that last bit gives her plot bunnies for an eighth book, but I don't think that's going to happen.)

Thank you for all the quoting back - especially the Harry/Draco, which nearly didn't make it in, as I was worried it was just too flowery. Your approval in slashy matters means a lot. ♥

[minnow_53]

The Harry/Draco was fantastic! You should be out there writing H/D fanfic instead of doing RL stuff like dissertations and so on. Though you have to finish the Uberwank first, of course!

Lost Girls has soared to no. 1 on my wishlist. Rolf, eh? *mind boggles*

♥

[fera_festiva]

Maybe the Lost Girls Rolf is Luna's (interview-canon) husband! Oh man, now that's a plot bunny.

I would love to write more slashy goodness but I have this problem - I can only write it if it's sort of a joke. I have a few ideas for fics but they never seem to happen if I try and write them, because I end up feeling silly. *Scratches head*

♥