Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 17, Bathilda's Secret

[fera_festiva]

HAN SOLO: Our only hope now is to outrun that Imperial garbage scow, though. I'm going to lightspeed.
CHEWBACCA: Raoraowfl!
HAN SOLO: That's the spirit! You'll be celebrating Life Day before you know it! Stand by, here's where we say goodbye to our unpleasant friends.

- The Star Wars Holiday Special
You know, I was always a bit disappointed that

Comments

[spacefragments]

I didn't even try to go inside the Cave of Ordeals (except for the first time when I discovered it by accident and had no idea WTF it was) because, from what I heard, the final "prize" is complete and utter shit. At least the Savage Labyrinth in WW gave you a Piece of Heart at the end. I got all the bugs but gave up on the Poe souls and everything else. Blah.

(You'll get a more decent comment later)

[fera_festiva]

You get fairies in one of the springs for each ten floors, which is useful in theory. But you can't get beyond the 10th floor or something without the double clawshots, and every time you restart the cave you have to do it over from the beginning, so you can't really do it properly until the end of the game (and it doesn't feel like it's worth trying), by which point being able to carry fairies is not enormously useful. No idea what the big prize is though.

[evil_underlord]

You do know what the big prize is, because you told me.

[fera_festiva]

Did I?

... OK, I just looked it up and you're right, I did know. It's fairy tears. :D I forgot, presumably because that is, in fact, a lame big prize.

[minnow_53]

It's just that... when I talk about losing the will to live as I read, right, well, that's only sort of a joke.

*wails* No, don't lose the will to live! Your uberwank is about the only thing keeping me going after the shit week to end all shit weeks. And it would have been a LOT better if the last chapter had shown up on my list, but we've done that rant in my last comment. Next time, you'll get a macro, promise.

What I really hated about this chapter was the lack of Hermione's usual prescience. The normal Hermione would have whispered nervously (note adverb): "Harry, are you sure we should go home with her?' Bad feelings or not... It's like that chapter of the old sex manual that warns, 'It's better to get a headache before you go to his house and see the whip and chains.' Loses in translation, sorry! But you'll get my drift. :D I mean, I'm not into whip or chains, and no prejudice is intended if anyone else is. Okay, I better stop now. /:

You may get this comment three times: computer playing up.

[fera_festiva]

Oh, I'm sad to hear you had a shit week. :( And glad this cheered you up.

I'm not into whip or chains, and no prejudice is intended if anyone else is

Ah but you see, now I'm torn between which glaringly obvious joke to make:
- That's not what I've heard-style joke
- You're oppressing me, let me tell you internets-style joke

:P

Um. Yeah. Anyway - yes, the "real" Hermione would no way have let things get this far. I can't believe she'd actually wait for the snake to emerge and was clearly prepared to overlook the smell of corpses and the filth and the fact that Bathilda doesn't speak and only Harry being allowed upstairs etc etc.

Head. Desk.

[roosje_katoen]

I didn't comment before, and I'm just going to say: love the wank!

So you might consider this a useless comment. On the other hand, you've been fishing for compliments, so you might as well get them, since you deserve it ;)

[fera_festiva]

Not a useless comment in the slightest! I'm really pleased you like this and massively flattered. :)

[air_and_angels]

Oh, do keep going. I can't wait for your thoughts on the flayed child under the seat.
The first five or six episodes of Heroes Season 2 are a bit weak - they have some very nice character details but the plot does not go anywhere much, and there are some excruciatingly unconvincing Irish accents, and a couple of new characters who are completely surplus to my requirements, and Hiro wastes a lot of time on a side quest. But THEN things start to kick up a notch, because the Big Bad for the season is revealed. Hang on for that.
And in the meantime, Ando looks very nice. I think he is doing something different with his hair.

[fera_festiva]

*Puts hands over ears and goes la-la-la*

I refuse to get involved in any series 2 of Heroes discussions in case I accidentally get spoiled or, more likely, get overexcited and go and look up everything that happens. :D

I'll do this in more detail later, obviously, but my initial thoughts on the flayed child were pretty much "... bwuh?" Maybe because I was reading it overnight and was tired, but still. But, yes, I'll save this for that chapter.

[delphipsmith]

Then we get a totally emo bit where Voldemort wangsts about being ripped from his body and feeling terrible pain. Oh, call the waaaaambulance.

Heh. There IS a lot of wangsting going on in this book. I missed it the first time around, probably because I tore through it at breakneck speed in my a) impatience with Eternal!Camping and b) haste to find out WTF the hallows were/are/would be. But you're right, bits of it could use the William Goldman editing treatment ;)

[fera_festiva]

TBH, I didn't notice all the wangst on my first go through the book - but on a second reading (especially when you're taking notes) it is just so, so heavy. SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU.