Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 15, The Goblin's Revenge
"The goblin's revenge" sounds like a real ale, or possibly a euphemism for what happens to you the day after you eat a goblin curry. :-/
( 'Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!' - President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb )
( 'Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!' - President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb )
Comments 15
I agree with you on Harry/Ginny; that's why Harry/Luna is one of my few het pairs of choice (Nargles :3).
Incidentally, amanuesis1 had a good debate about writing plot rather than character in H/G here: http://amanuensis1.livejournal.com/122134.html.
They get provided with feasts for the entirety of their school careers, and then sent out into the world with no idea of how to apply for a job, buy or rent a house, cook, eat healthily, exercise, clean up after themselves and what have you. OK, I know half that stuff is done by magic, but there don't seem to be any home ec or life skills classes to show the kids how to do that stuff by magic (maybe they get them in seventh year, but I doubt it).I doubt it too. I think this is where JKR's intended audience becomes apparent; surely there should be classes in Latin and English as well as other languages, Muggle Studies should be complusory for the wizard born and Muggle born first years should have ( ... )
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Me too - I'm more or less indifferent to any Harry het pairings, but I figure if he's going to be with paired up with someone, I'd've preferred it to be someone who brings out his good qualities, encourages him to think, isn't conventional and all the rest of it. I can't see Luna silently accepting that snog in front of an entire common room either. Sigh.
surely there should be classes in Latin and English as well as other languages, Muggle Studies should be complusory for the wizard born and Muggle born first years should have some sort of Wizarding Culture class where they can learn about traditions and how write with quills?YES YES YES. It's bothered me for a long time that they don't learn Latin, given that they use it in almost every spell. And it seems kind of pointless that they do astronomy too - the only purpose seems to be so that there can be classes at midnight and therefore show how crazy and mixed-up the wizarding world is. Your point about muggleborn kids is an excellent ( ... )
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can't blame him, the special cup in the 150cc level is fucking hard.
(Look, I know it's kind of... incongruous that I can easily believe in goblins and a magical tent and gay werewolves who sleep with ex-cons, but have problems with this setup.
LOL, I know exactly what you mean. It's like... too perfect. or convenient. but it doesn't particularly bother me, tbh.
How did they fuck it up, then? I bet he tried to disarm the river or something. That would be textbook Harry.
*dies*
IA with you on ginny. i'm pretty indifferent towards her, so that's all i'm going to say. essentialy she got reduced to the role of "hero's prize". kind of like Zelda. except i actually like Zelda because at least she gets to be kickass on screen from time to time. Um.
Dragonforce? LOL. I approve. They might be cheesy, but I like them anyway.
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It's like... too perfect. or convenient
Damn right. It's almost like JK Rowling couldn't think of a better way to give useful information to Harry, Ron and Hermione... but surely not.
essentialy she got reduced to the role of "hero's prize". kind of like Zelda. except i actually like Zelda because at least she gets to be kickass on screen from time to time
Plus Link is gay (well, most of the time). And Zelda gets to throw light arrows around and stuff. And she's kind of a badass. Whereas Ginny's main achievement of the series seems to be that one time she nearly gave Harry a blowjob, unless it's that one time her mum saved her from Bellatrix. FFS.
Dragonforce are officially the funniest band in the world.
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Yes, exactly. Why not say... I don't know, perhaps the location has some special pull for Gryffindors or something. It would even make more sense to have it happen in a wizarding pub or on the outskirts of Hogsmeade or something, although it would still be a bit random. Even a crappy explanation like that would be better than none at all. It's almost laughably implausible as it is. And the result of that, for me at least, is that I sort of drop my suspension of disbelief.
What I most wanted to say: great chapter!
*Squee* Thank you so much!
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This is one of the points where I found it hard to suspend disbelief: as you say, werewolves, goblins and dragons aren't a problem, but plot devices are. In spite of the convenient somethingth law of Transfiguration, I still feel that wizards should be able to conjure up the occasional decent meal, one way or another.
What if that was all the food they had and the farmer is a recovering anorexic and pretty much relapses tomorrow because there's an opportunity to not eat, and it's your fault, Hermione? This is one of my favourite line in the uberwank so far! (Among many others.) Great stuff. Actually, I did like the farmhouse, which had a genuine sort of Famous Five vibe, but your version is so much better ( ... )
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I think that's the best summing-up of this one I've heard. :)
In spite of the convenient somethingth law of Transfiguration, I still feel that wizards should be able to conjure up the occasional decent meal, one way or another
Yes yes yes. Leaving aside that law of thingy (which pretty much says you can change food into other food AND increase the amount you have), they've got an invisibility cloak. Frankly, why aren't they just shoplifting every day?
This is the only thing in the HP fandom I'm still reading, and I'm really, really enjoying every word, and image.
That makes me really happy, because I'm massively chuffed - but it also makes me a little sad; is it just me or are things really dying down in fandom? :(
Though I didn't watch the whole of the second video
Neither did I. :D
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I think they're certainly dying down in non-canon ship fandom: it's hard to write a pairing you don't believe in 100%, and even with Remus's wangsting in DH, he still married a woman and had a baby. So the eternal love R/S really doesn't wash anymore, IMO.
Also, a lot of HP fandom has moved to Insane Journal. To be honest, this annoys the shit out of me, to the extent where I won't even open an IJ for emergency purposes. Irrational, but there you are.
So it's particularly great to have your Uberwank to look forward to: keeps the fandom going with something logical, witty and original. I'm glad the book is so long, and perhaps once you've finished you can start on the others! Though that would probably be a lifelong task. :D
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Also, a lot of HP fandom has moved to Insane Journal.
I did not know that. I guess this was a strike/boldthrough response thing?
So it's particularly great to have your Uberwank to look forward to: keeps the fandom going with something logical, witty and original.*Blushes* Thank you. That's such a massive compliment, you have no idea ( ... )
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First off is the point you make about the trio basically waiting around for flying ideas to hit them in the brain, which recalls to me, not only a gag in one of the early Pratchett novels but also the theory Uncle Brian espouses in Dance of the Voodoo Handbag. But it's totally what the trio do. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Mainly, though, the thing which really cheesed me off was the way in which this pointless, incessent camping seemed to be infinately sustainable. There seems to be no limit to the amount of magic the trio can perform. As we know from thermodynamics energy can be neither created or destroyed - and even before this was codified most serious (by which I mean in any way detailed) attempts to create a system of magic looked in some way at where the energy to perform that magic ( ... )
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I think I probably had that in the back of my mind. Something about some amazing idea for world peace or whatever being had by a duck, if I recall correctly.
You make far too many good points for me to quote them all, so let me instead award you some kind of cookie or other baked good. Only explanation I can think of requires wizards being able to photosynthesize their venom.
Having a bunch of underfed kids out on their own in the wilderness with nothing to survive on but magic should have been the perfect opportunity to show us that mechanism, to give us the limitations.The problem is, I don't think JK Rowling has thought this stuff through properly - not even decided that yes, it is confusing, but let's assume even wizards don't understand it. It's more like she's just put her hands over her ears and gone "lalala I can't hear you" whenever her brain tried to consider how anything worked. (A more me-specific example is the boggart thing - they turn into your greatest fear, but many ( ... )
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