Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 4, The Seven Potters

[fera_festiva]

Yay! A chapter with some action! Bring it on!

Comments

[spacefragments]

it's the same damn introduction we get in every book. i suppose she does it to... fill more page space or give info to people who've never read another HP book before... which is still kind of stupid, really. forget i said anything.

he is drunk throughout this book.
THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH. he's probably been drunk since dumbledore's funeral. oh remus my poor bb. :(

Tonks, despite being the Mystique of the Potterverse, able to assume any appearance she chooses at will, is not going to act as a Harry decoy
that got me too. tonks defines "wasted potential". in the end all she did was give remus a son-- no, scratch that. all she did was give harry a godson. whatevs.

lol at the ring. i can't imagine he could afford it it unless he... whored himself out for money at knockturn alley (of course that's the first option i thought about. clearly i've read too much fanfic). but then again, who'd want him. other than sirius (and, ugh, tonks, i guess). so... maybe tonks's parents paid for it? (god, that must have been humiliating). but the credit

[fera_festiva]

Yeah, I could deal with the introduction bit, in, like, book 2 because they were still very much marketed as children's books, and there wasn't a proper continuity as such (well, there was, but there didn't have to be, if that makes sense). But by the fourth or fifth book, was there anyone reading who a) hadn't read a book before and b) had managed to avoid hearing about Harry Potter being a wizard by other means?

Oh, man, I totally want Remus to have paid for the ring by whoring himself. Werewolf rentboy for sale! Huh, I wish. Probably Tonks did pay for it herself. Man, their relationship constantly finds new ways to humiliate and degrade both of them.

I was totally pissed off Hagrid didn't die. He's a total n00b. I get the impression JKR is the only person in the world over the age of about six who likes him or finds him endearing.

[evil_underlord]

It's funny how in earlier books characters of all different ethnicities were never really flagged up in terms of skin colour etc. and yet now, after the frankly pathetic gallic stereotyping of Fleur in the last book we have Kinsgley 'Shaft' Shacklebolt.

Although, I actually think that this isn't so much a purposeful exploitation of the guy as much is it is that he's suffering from a severe case of Played-in-the-movie-by-Samuel L. Jackson-itis.

This may be the wankiest comment I've ever left anywhere

[fera_festiva]

And yet they couldn't even get Samuel L Jackson to play him. I mean, the guy they got is fine, but Mace Windu... well, that would have been quite something

Re: This may be the wankiest comment I've ever left anywhere

[evil_underlord]

I'm with you that I don't think that it's on purpose, I just find it surprising because of the previously relaxed nature of the descriptions of ethnicity. I think that its another symptom of the generally more strained nature of the prose - in that it tries harder to be good enough and clever enough for the new level of fame she has found, so she starts doing things like obsessing over her inclusion policies. Or something.

BTW. You know who really should Play Kingsley? Paterson Joseph. That's who. He would pwn.

(I actually love that man)

Re: This may be the wankiest comment I've ever left anywhere

[fera_festiva]

it tries harder to be good enough and clever enough for the new level of fame she has found

Yeah, that's it, pretty much - basically I don't think JKR is as clever as she thinks she is. I get the impression, most clearly from HBP and DH, that she really stopped that "writing for herself" she'd always claimed to be doing and started Trying To Be Clever (whether consciously or not I don't know). The ethnicity thing is only one example, it was just the first one I thought of.

Oh Em Gee - Paterson Joseph would have been an amazing Kingsley. He's just way too cool.

(I love him too.)

[minnow_53]

Just want to make sure at this point that you know that these are absolutely lovely and enjoyable. Hope my comments begin to reflect this: but you're making me think, you see, so I have to spout.

Remus and his bling! :D He probably Transfigured a spaghetti hoop into a wedding ring. The 'tomato' sauce has a lovely golden effect, I imagine.

I don't think he gets up on a table and sings "The Spaniard Who Blighted my Life" at any point in the book, but otherwise, I think it's a fairly safe assumption the guy is hammered all the fricking time.

Makes sense to me! Though I would love to see/hear that missing scene...

The trouble is, the more of these I read the more I see the flaws in the real thing. Though at the time, or three times, I did find this chapter both confusing and alarming, and the Hedwig thing is so gratuitous that it nearly stopped me reading the book even once. :(

[fera_festiva]

He probably Transfigured a spaghetti hoop into a wedding ring

I need you to know that coffee came out of my nose when I read that. I can just see Tonks sort of tilting her hand this way and that, admiring the sparkle, while the sauce drips off her finger, and Remus is all, "Yes, my, er, darling, it's a real... um... diamond..."

Though I would love to see/hear that missing scene

Hmm...

REMUS (sings): Listen to meeeee, while I tell you...
EVERYONE: No! Somebody stop him!
REMUS: ... Of the man who stole my future wife... It was at the bullfight that I met him... (taking giant pull directly from wine bottle) He was... uh... wossa next bit?
EVERYONE: No! This song is dark magic!
(Continues)

(It's a real song, and more or less the worst one ever written)

[rissabby]

I was choking with laughter over your analysis of Remus.

I totally agree, Remus must have been hammered. Why didn't I realize it before? It's the only explanation that makes any sense. Even his endearing, wild happiness over Teddy's birth was a bit odd. And he did have a couple (more) glasses at Shell Cottage an hour (?) after the birth (an odd time to go visiting).

You are a genius.

[fera_festiva]

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked this.

Oddly, the drunk!Remus thing started off as a joke but it's beginning to look more and more credible. Yeah, he turns up at Shell Cottage to have a few with his mates while Tonks is presumably totally out of it/exhausted/in agony. The hell?

[fera_festiva]

Thank you so much! It is kind of weird, isn't it? Like I say, it started out as a joke but the more I think about it the more credible it becomes. :)

Thank you so much for your lovely comment!