This town (ahh) is coming like a ghost town, or, WANK WANK WANK
This is wangst; apologies in advance and do feel free to ignore it.
Over the last few days, as a way of passing the time while I'd had very little to do at work, I've found myself going through old LJ entries, organising the tags and updating links and so on. This has unexpectedly left me in a state of horrible depression, the likes of which I have not seen in a long while.
I've thought about it, and I think I know why this has happened, and it's because -- dear god, I'm not even sure I should be posting this because I feel like an idiot -- I miss LJ fandom so fucking much.
I miss the way we did fandom then (by which I mean only a few years ago, but it seems so much longer). I miss comment threads. I miss the days of squeeing over Remus/Sirius and drawing silly steampunk fanart and attempting to write fic which I was then too embarrassed to post because people would maybe read it and it wouldn't be as good as all the other things out there. I miss it all, I miss it so much. I feel terribly, horribly lonely, and I dearly wish I could claw back the good things from a few years ago, but it's mostly all gone.
I mean -- I am still in touch with some of the closest of my friends from that time. We speak on Twitter almost every day, I see their posts on Tumblr, or on Facebook (and those are not bad ways of communicating; I use them all). Other friends, though, I don't know what happened to them. I miss them. My heart hurts when I remember them. I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the friends I still have, because I know I am so, so lucky to have them in my life, and I wouldn't change them for the world, and I am touched that they would want to have anything to do with little old Fera. (You know what? Most of them won't see this, because they don't use LJ/DW any more. I'm not sure if anyone will see this at all, if I'm honest. I think maybe I'm screaming into the void.)
(And the thing is, it took me a long time to find any really good fandom pals, and by the time I'd done that, the fandoms themselves had moved on or were over or we'd all got into different things, and then I didn't know how else to meet people, and for all that fandom is a big place, it's easy to feel rather isolated, especially if you're lacking in confidence and not so able to easily bound up to people and introduce yourself.)
I'm rambling all over the place here. And overusing brackets.
(A possible positive side-effect of all this: I might actually have the confidence to post some of that fic that's been hanging about on my hard drive for ages, because the chances of anyone actually reading it are slim anyway. In fact, this is a promise. I'll post fic.)
I'll stop here.
Over the last few days, as a way of passing the time while I'd had very little to do at work, I've found myself going through old LJ entries, organising the tags and updating links and so on. This has unexpectedly left me in a state of horrible depression, the likes of which I have not seen in a long while.
I've thought about it, and I think I know why this has happened, and it's because -- dear god, I'm not even sure I should be posting this because I feel like an idiot -- I miss LJ fandom so fucking much.
I miss the way we did fandom then (by which I mean only a few years ago, but it seems so much longer). I miss comment threads. I miss the days of squeeing over Remus/Sirius and drawing silly steampunk fanart and attempting to write fic which I was then too embarrassed to post because people would maybe read it and it wouldn't be as good as all the other things out there. I miss it all, I miss it so much. I feel terribly, horribly lonely, and I dearly wish I could claw back the good things from a few years ago, but it's mostly all gone.
I mean -- I am still in touch with some of the closest of my friends from that time. We speak on Twitter almost every day, I see their posts on Tumblr, or on Facebook (and those are not bad ways of communicating; I use them all). Other friends, though, I don't know what happened to them. I miss them. My heart hurts when I remember them. I'm not saying I'm not grateful for the friends I still have, because I know I am so, so lucky to have them in my life, and I wouldn't change them for the world, and I am touched that they would want to have anything to do with little old Fera. (You know what? Most of them won't see this, because they don't use LJ/DW any more. I'm not sure if anyone will see this at all, if I'm honest. I think maybe I'm screaming into the void.)
(And the thing is, it took me a long time to find any really good fandom pals, and by the time I'd done that, the fandoms themselves had moved on or were over or we'd all got into different things, and then I didn't know how else to meet people, and for all that fandom is a big place, it's easy to feel rather isolated, especially if you're lacking in confidence and not so able to easily bound up to people and introduce yourself.)
I'm rambling all over the place here. And overusing brackets.
(A possible positive side-effect of all this: I might actually have the confidence to post some of that fic that's been hanging about on my hard drive for ages, because the chances of anyone actually reading it are slim anyway. In fact, this is a promise. I'll post fic.)
I'll stop here.