Beyond Caring?
It is sad when you reach that point. And a lot of people will just assume this is about my relationship but really it is about work. I just am beyond caring right now and all I can think about is getting out, before I get any more despondant about it. I used to love my job, the people I worked with, and now, I can't say any of that. I dread going to work, I dread the time I have to spend with these people and I realize that I really am that easy to replace. And I can't blame them, i have made it clear I don't want to stay, there is nothing they can do to make me stay. I just am still there because I don't have another job to go too right now. I want to go back to theatre, something I really love. And I am sure at some point I may hate it as much as I hate this but let me have the change. I need to get out.
You know who I envy right now, stay at home moms. I know they have a hard job but I all of a sudden have a strong desire to be one of them. Which I never thought that clock was going to click in, and I have a couple of friends to thank for that realization. I love how they like to point out that I don't have much time left and if I am not going to make someone commit right now, I need to kick him to the curb. So what do I find myself doing tonight. Watching him work on my computer and wondering just how terrible would it be to have a child with him. i know all reasons not too, and he does a good job of reminding me, especially when he says the mean hurtful things that he just has no idea cut like a knife. or how that would just ruin his life. Or how we can't afford it. And then there is the part of me which I blame the female gene who thinks, what if he has to be responsible to someone other then himself. Would that be the push for him to make something more out of his life? I know that drive is there but I can't figure out what the push button is. Well I guess I should get to bed, let the head race there for awhile.
You know who I envy right now, stay at home moms. I know they have a hard job but I all of a sudden have a strong desire to be one of them. Which I never thought that clock was going to click in, and I have a couple of friends to thank for that realization. I love how they like to point out that I don't have much time left and if I am not going to make someone commit right now, I need to kick him to the curb. So what do I find myself doing tonight. Watching him work on my computer and wondering just how terrible would it be to have a child with him. i know all reasons not too, and he does a good job of reminding me, especially when he says the mean hurtful things that he just has no idea cut like a knife. or how that would just ruin his life. Or how we can't afford it. And then there is the part of me which I blame the female gene who thinks, what if he has to be responsible to someone other then himself. Would that be the push for him to make something more out of his life? I know that drive is there but I can't figure out what the push button is. Well I guess I should get to bed, let the head race there for awhile.