Never and Always
Drugs, drinking, sex.
How long did I think the fix could last?
No this is not my life, I do not just go out and fuck everyone
whilst I am on drugs or drunk off my pretty little ass.
But lately I just want something MORE, something to be a better person for.
Which is what I rediscovered on the phone last night, he is something i would be everything for.
His voice made everything fade away and a calm happiness covered every part of myself.
His words making the world seem so easy to face.
I don't want to have this feelings but I do.
I like him and nothing I do makes it any different.
He is someone who intrests me, that is not hard to talk too, and is so easy to just hang around. Last night being around all those drunken boys, made me relise awhile ago I would have scanned the room looking for someone to just hold on to for the night and soon forget in the morning. But last night was different all I thought about was, talking to him. Seeing if he too was drunk and high and surrounded by people that were all either laughing at your stupid bullish or you were laughing at theirs. I know its sicken to think about! Beleive me my rational side is like get the fuck out now tara run run run.
But hes soooo much like me he thinks like me, and tries and fails like me.
I know, I know some of you do not approve and to be realistic niether do I. I want to tell myself Its time to move on and magically fall for the next cute avabile boy.
But I am hooked and its sooo hard to get free!
Its just so much easier to give in then to fight.
I am tired of fighting, I just want to be done and to sit down and just take it all in.
So am I finding a new method to torching myself with this boy or could it work? hmmmmm the odds are against me, but that doesn't tame the butterflies cutting up my insides with all of their goddamn fluttering.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
To much faith and hope in all the wrong things.
But its sooo hard not too. you have to have faith in something, right?
so damn hard to pull away.
How long did I think the fix could last?
No this is not my life, I do not just go out and fuck everyone
whilst I am on drugs or drunk off my pretty little ass.
But lately I just want something MORE, something to be a better person for.
Which is what I rediscovered on the phone last night, he is something i would be everything for.
His voice made everything fade away and a calm happiness covered every part of myself.
His words making the world seem so easy to face.
I don't want to have this feelings but I do.
I like him and nothing I do makes it any different.
He is someone who intrests me, that is not hard to talk too, and is so easy to just hang around. Last night being around all those drunken boys, made me relise awhile ago I would have scanned the room looking for someone to just hold on to for the night and soon forget in the morning. But last night was different all I thought about was, talking to him. Seeing if he too was drunk and high and surrounded by people that were all either laughing at your stupid bullish or you were laughing at theirs. I know its sicken to think about! Beleive me my rational side is like get the fuck out now tara run run run.
But hes soooo much like me he thinks like me, and tries and fails like me.
I know, I know some of you do not approve and to be realistic niether do I. I want to tell myself Its time to move on and magically fall for the next cute avabile boy.
But I am hooked and its sooo hard to get free!
Its just so much easier to give in then to fight.
I am tired of fighting, I just want to be done and to sit down and just take it all in.
So am I finding a new method to torching myself with this boy or could it work? hmmmmm the odds are against me, but that doesn't tame the butterflies cutting up my insides with all of their goddamn fluttering.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
To much faith and hope in all the wrong things.
But its sooo hard not too. you have to have faith in something, right?
so damn hard to pull away.