(no subject)
Two overly-enthusiastic Mets fans preview the 2008 season:
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"Oh, you know."
"Yeah."
"..."
"..."
"Dude."
"I know."
"Fucking Santanaaaaaaa!"
"Holy shit, yes."
"WOOOOOOOOOO..."
"How!"
"...OOOOOOOOOO..."
"Did!"
"...OOOOOOOOOO..."
"That!"
"...OOOOOOOOOT"
"Happen!"
" **panting** "
"Okay, okay, we have to pull it together."
"Right, *panting*, holy shit, *more panting*, gotta stay cool."
"This isn't going to solve everything."
"You're totally right. What about Delgado?"
"Who knows. Dude's either been bit by the grim spectre of death, or he's ready for one last go at it."
"And did you see Reyes for the last two months last year?"
"I did when I forgot to avert my eyes, yeah."
"Wright and Beltran could burn out trying to carry the load."
"Maine and Ollie aren't slam dunks."
"The bullpen is always a crapshoot."
"What were we excited about, again?"
"Santana."
"Yeah. Okay, so what do we think has to happen to get the division back?"
"Usually what, like 95 wins?"
"Sounds about right."
"So let's go through it, meticulous-like."
"Gotta start with the easy part. Santana. He's gotta be worth, what, 20 wins right there."
"Mark it down."
"Maine and Ollie: 15 wins each again?"
"One might go up, one might go down, but yeah, 'round there."
"They're scrappy. I'm not too worried."
"And don't forget about the Santana-effect. Cagey, Hall of Fame vet, helping those two out? That's like 10 more wins right there."
"Totally."
"And Pedro?"
"That's tough."
"You know about that video that came out today, right?"
"At least we know that he's a cock-fighter, not a lover, right?"
"Still sort of embarrassing. Might cause some problems."
"No way. One: It's legal in the DR. Two: People eat chickens. Three: No one's trying to frame Pedro. Non-story."
"What was that last that last reason again?"
"What? Nothing. Anyway, put Pedro down for 12 wins."
"Solid. Hey, and don't forget about Santana. He and Pedro are going to be BFFs in the dugout."
"That is so 5 more wins."
"Yep. And then comes Pelfrey and the bullpen."
"Sort of the same thing, when you think about it."
"Well between those two entities, you have to think they could scrape out at least 10 wins, right? Get a little Dennis Cook win-vulture action, right?"
"Conservative, but fair."
"And think about the wear-and-tear on the bullpen that'll be spared with someone like Santana out there. They'll be fresh and rested."
"So true. Gotta double that number, in that case."
"Okay, so what do we got?"
"97 wins."
"Better make it 98."
"What are you going to be for Halloween?"
"Shit-faced and happy."
"Holy crap, same here."
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"Oh, you know."
"Yeah."
"..."
"..."
"Dude."
"I know."
"Fucking Santanaaaaaaa!"
"Holy shit, yes."
"WOOOOOOOOOO..."
"How!"
"...OOOOOOOOOO..."
"Did!"
"...OOOOOOOOOO..."
"That!"
"...OOOOOOOOOT"
"Happen!"
" **panting** "
"Okay, okay, we have to pull it together."
"Right, *panting*, holy shit, *more panting*, gotta stay cool."
"This isn't going to solve everything."
"You're totally right. What about Delgado?"
"Who knows. Dude's either been bit by the grim spectre of death, or he's ready for one last go at it."
"And did you see Reyes for the last two months last year?"
"I did when I forgot to avert my eyes, yeah."
"Wright and Beltran could burn out trying to carry the load."
"Maine and Ollie aren't slam dunks."
"The bullpen is always a crapshoot."
"What were we excited about, again?"
"Santana."
"Yeah. Okay, so what do we think has to happen to get the division back?"
"Usually what, like 95 wins?"
"Sounds about right."
"So let's go through it, meticulous-like."
"Gotta start with the easy part. Santana. He's gotta be worth, what, 20 wins right there."
"Mark it down."
"Maine and Ollie: 15 wins each again?"
"One might go up, one might go down, but yeah, 'round there."
"They're scrappy. I'm not too worried."
"And don't forget about the Santana-effect. Cagey, Hall of Fame vet, helping those two out? That's like 10 more wins right there."
"Totally."
"And Pedro?"
"That's tough."
"You know about that video that came out today, right?"
"At least we know that he's a cock-fighter, not a lover, right?"
"Still sort of embarrassing. Might cause some problems."
"No way. One: It's legal in the DR. Two: People eat chickens. Three: No one's trying to frame Pedro. Non-story."
"What was that last that last reason again?"
"What? Nothing. Anyway, put Pedro down for 12 wins."
"Solid. Hey, and don't forget about Santana. He and Pedro are going to be BFFs in the dugout."
"That is so 5 more wins."
"Yep. And then comes Pelfrey and the bullpen."
"Sort of the same thing, when you think about it."
"Well between those two entities, you have to think they could scrape out at least 10 wins, right? Get a little Dennis Cook win-vulture action, right?"
"Conservative, but fair."
"And think about the wear-and-tear on the bullpen that'll be spared with someone like Santana out there. They'll be fresh and rested."
"So true. Gotta double that number, in that case."
"Okay, so what do we got?"
"97 wins."
"Better make it 98."
"What are you going to be for Halloween?"
"Shit-faced and happy."
"Holy crap, same here."