Ice - Eight

[fenora]

Title: Ice
Author: fenora
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: R
Summary: I'm terrible with this, erm... read and see? It's an AU story (I guess you already realised that it is my favourite style =P And I don't think I'm that good writting about the "real" guys, unfortunately). It's about figure skating.
Disclaimers: I don't own Matt or Dom. The others are original.

Thanks: To dolce_piccante and butter_cup01 for beta-ing and for the support. To mjartrod for helping me so much with details about figure skating. And of course to everyone who's been reading and commenting! Thank you!




Eight

“Come on, Dom! Just chill out! We had the best intentions, man...” I simply roll my eyes as I get ready so I can leave as soon as possible. Needless to say, this weekend was terrible. I’ve been avoiding my roommates, who luckily are only “house mates” so I can always go to my room and lock myself there. What they did was low and humiliating and if they thought I would just laugh it off they were very wrong.

“I just want you both to leave me alone.” Eventually, I’ll forgive them, but it’s still too soon. Part of me wants to be able to forget about what happened because I like these guys, they’re my friends and this atmosphere is killing me. But the darker side of my personality wants them to feel terribly bad about it, because they deserve it! It seems impossible for them to understand how I felt when I realised that Adam was putting on an act when we talked to that woman, that they knew all along...well, I knew all along that someone as good-looking as that would not be interested in me.

It shouldn’t matter, because I’m gay, so the fact that she would never give me a second look if she wasn’t being paid for that shouldn’t be important. But, well, it is in a way... It’s important for my self esteem, I guess.

As I make my way to the lift and then out of the apartment, some thoughts that have been assaulting my mind since Friday night come back to me. The thing is, I am the one responsible for all that’s happening. I am the only person responsible for this depression that is, little by little, taking my most vital years away from me.

And that needs to change. I need to do something to stop it... As time goes by, it will get more and more difficult so I need to act quickly. Maybe what happened Friday wasn’t that bad after all, maybe I needed that shock, that “slap” on my face.

But, what to do? Where to start? That sensation of being completely lost invades me and makes me feel so small. But I...I know what I want, who I want and I know I need to have a serious conversation with my so called friends. I’ll probably leave that till the last. I’ll talk to Matthew first, even though I know that his reaction may change my mind and stop this apparent determination, send me back to my comfortable shell. But I have to try, I know I have to. Though, I still need to find out if I have the courage to go forward with this. If only I had someone on my side to help me, someone trustable... If Matthew- no! I can’t think that way. Even if I confess a couple of things to him I can expect nothing from him, that much is clear. He never lied, he never fooled me...

*

My hands are trembling as I finish my work, and my brain is almost exploding with so many questions floating around, so many doubts. What do I tell him? How far do I need to go? What will he say? Will he laugh at me? Will he pity me like the others do? Should I try and kiss him?

Should I offer myself to him?

Stop! I can’t predict anything that will happen within the next hour, or if anything will happen at all. Knowing me, I know there’s a chance I will give up on everything once I’m in front of Matthew. I don’t want that to happen, but unfortunately I know too well that it is a plausible possibility.

“Are you alright, Dominic?” Mrs. Stone asks once I’m out of the zamboni.

“Yes, yes...” I should add something to that sentence, make it more believable, but nothing comes to my mind. I just hope she doesn’t asking question after question

“Alright... I’m going then. See you tomorrow, son.”

With a sigh of relief, I nod and wave. So this is it. Most people are already heading home, Mr. Kent is still in his office and Ann is still on the rink, but apart from that, everything is calm around here. I know Matthew must be changing into his regular clothes, or maybe in the shower. Oh... Matthew in the shower. How pleasant would it be if I had the guts to surprise him there? The mere though makes me snort and shake my head.

Taking a seat on a bench where I can see the door to the men’s changing rooms, I wait. My head is still having a fight of its own, I mean, my body probably has something to say as well, but apart from that, I’m finally starting to think about this in a positive way. Whether he laughs or understands whatever I tell him (I don’t exactly know what I’m going to tell him, anyway), I think I will feel much better once I get off my chest.

But... he already knows I feel painfully attracted to him, I told him, so what should I tell him now? Or should I shut up and just act?

Fuck it.

Too soon, I see him walking out and, before it’s too late, before I turn into a coward again, I get up and quickly make my way to him. I need to stop thinking for a moment or I’ll never succeed.

“Matthew.” I catch him right on time and he turns around, his bag slung over his shoulder. He looks really gorgeous in his regular clothes: black pants, grey sweater and a red jacket. His hair is still wet and his skin is a bit flushed. I dare say he looks adorable. “I’d like to have a word with you, if that’s okay?”

For a brief moment, he furrows his eyebrows, maybe wondering what I want this time, but then he nods. “Yeah, but please be quick because I don’t have much time.”

My heart is getting ready to do a triple axel jump, I’m sure. “Well, I... Since you’re in a hurry maybe I could tell you tomorrow.” Here it is... My determination is flying out of the window.

“Dominic, the Worlds are too close, I think I’ll always be on a hurry until then. So, if it’s something important I suggest you just spit it out.”

Right. Spit it out.

“Oh, yeah, The Worlds. I hope it-“

“Dominic.” He stops me mid sentence. Triple Axel my ass, my heart just executed the quadruple jump! “I’m sorry, but I really have no time for this shit, so if this is your idea about something important to say, I don’t care and I really have to go.” Hs words were a bit harsh but, if he really wasn’t interest about what I have to say he wouldn’t be here anymore.

My fear doesn’t register that completely though, and I’m getting more and more nervous. “Ye-yeah... Never mind me. You should go... You need to get your re-rest and all.” The words stumble out of my mouth and I just know I’m making a fool of myself. Again.

“Fucking hell, man! Look at the state of you!” What state? That obvious, huh? I probably look like someone who’s going to make an announcement about the end of the world. “Okay... What’s up?”

Deep breaths. This is my chance. He’s actually listening to me, something people rarely do. That thought makes me smile slightly. “I... Do you remember what I told you about last Friday? About the party?”

There’s a little nod, but he’s still oblivious. Well, of course he is, I’ve said nothing yet. “You’re not planning on having a chit chat about something that went wrong at the party, are you? I mean, I’m not your buddy.”

Okay, it didn’t start so well. But he’s still here, that’s what matters. “No... No, I have a point here. You guessed something right though, the party went wrong, too wrong. But it also made me realise something, and that’s where you come in.”

So how do I continue this now? “Where do I come in?”

I run my hands over my face, and feel like I’m suffocating. Why is this so damn difficult? “My friends did something, well, something that made me furious. But I don’t think there’s a need to go there-“

“What did they do?”

Is this curiosity, does he care or is he simply trying to find another reason to laugh at me? “They...they tried to set me up with a-a hooker.” I look at the floor as I say this, there’s no way I can be brave enough to look into his eyes right now. “It was an act... I had no idea who she was at first.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, I know.” Wait... Did he just show some sympathy? Slowly, I look back up at him and...he’s not laughing. Actually I think he’s being nice. “I-Well, it felt like a huge punch on the stomach.” Matthew simply nods; I guess he’s still wondering what the hell he has to do with this. Or maybe he knows... “So, anyway, what they did really made me think about some...decisions, wrong decisions, I’ve been doing lately

Matthew sighs and looks around him. He looks a bit nervous himself, nervous about what I’ll say next. “I’m no psychologist, you know?” He snorts.

I smile, still breathing hard, even though it’s not going bad so far. “I know, but you’ve been one of the best listeners so far.” That’s a bit unfair to my friends though, because I don’t know if they’re good listeners or not, simply because I’ve never asked them to listen. “Anyway, how do I put this...?”

“What about going straight to the point?” Yeah... what about it?

But the words get caught in my throat. And he already has an idea about how I feel; maybe he even knows what I’m trying to say. In a moment of desperation, because I don’t know what else to say or do and yet I can’t let this opportunity pass, I grab his wrist and take him back to the changing rooms. Surprisingly, he doesn’t say a word and does nothing to stop me, it’s like he was already expecting this.

When we get in there, I stop and wait a little, trying to calm down my racing heart, before I turn around to face him.

“Forget what I said the other day.” The words leave my mouth almost without my permission. My instincts are talking, not my brain. Somehow that feels fucking exciting!

“What?” He’s still trying to make sure that I’ve really said this. I believe it was too humiliating for him, and he probably needs to make sure I won’t repeat those actions.

“I need you Matthew. I’m dying here; I’m suffocating because I’ve been such a moron for months now. I’m so afraid of everything that I’m not even living anymore.”

“What do I have to do with that?” You fucking well know! I grab his upper arms, not too forcefully, but strong enough to make him realise how desperate and needy I am.

“Everything!” He closes his eyes for a mere second and when he opens them again I notice that they’re darker than usual. “Everything...” I repeat, my voice sounding just above a whisper.

In a slow movement, I get closer to him, my eyes never leaving his wide ones. I can see he’s scared I’ll freak out on him, but, come on, I’m the one starting it this time. No more thinking. I give in to my deepest desires and sink my lips into his. Not once does he try to get away, and he seems to be accepting the kiss, the way I want to kiss him, willingly.

His mouth tastes like mint. I can say he was probably chewing gum recently and it’s so soft... I find myself wishing this was our first kiss. But if I think more deeply about it I realise that I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t ‘attacked’ me that day. The softness of his mouth and tongue is really as appealing as I thought it would be. Or even more.

Last time I didn’t realise any of it, not only because I was in a state of shock but because it was too rushed. He’s responding to the kiss, his tongue adjusting to mine, trying to find the rhythm that is most pleasurable for us, but his arms are still at his sides. It doesn’t make much sense to me and this time I want him to touch me all over. On the other hand, I have no clue about what to do next because he’s not showing me anything, I don’t know what he wants... But at least he’s kissing me back. His warm, wet mouth seems to be welcoming me.

I need to try something before frustration takes the best of me, so one of my hands wonders down his arm, along the soft cotton of his coat until it reaches his own hand. Impulsively, I entwine our fingers and caress the back of his hand with my thumb. Wrong move.

In a quick movement, his lips leave mine and he looks at me with a frown as he takes his hand away from mine. “What are you doing?”

“I told you!” Please... Don’t go away now...

Taking a deep breath he thinks for a moment before he starts speaking again. “I’m not taking back what I said that day, Dominic. I meant it and nothing changed.”

“Well, we know a bit more about each other, since last time.” I risk saying. It’s true... I know we won’t have a commitment or anything but... it doesn’t seem so meaningless anymore, not even to him. Maybe he doesn’t know it, but I can sense it now. I don’t think I’m just another one.

But I could be wrong, too.

“Dominic-“

“I won’t be expecting anything from you in the future. You made that clear and I respect you and your wish, but...I need you now.” I get closer to him again, hoping that he won’t laugh in my face and go away saying that I should have thought about it weeks ago. “I... I need you.” I repeat.

There’s a slight frown across his eyebrows, he seems to be wondering whether he should give this opportunity, this honour, or not. For my relief, it doesn’t take long before his features relax and a smirk spreads across his lips.

Before I know, he’s kissing me, not as roughly as he did the time but not as soft as I kissed him either. Oh but I like it. He places one hand on the back of my neck, practically guiding my head; what can I say? The man likes to be in control of the situation. His other hand is placed on my lower back, taking me closer to him. I let go of his mouth, feeling an extreme need to taste that porcelain skin of his and yes, it’s as smooth as I had imagined. And it’s... delicious!

A loud moan reaches my ears and makes me smile against the pale expanse of his neck. He’s moaning because of what I’m doing to him, how gratifying is that? The hand that was on the back of my neck is now clenching my hair. It hurts a bit but I couldn’t care less. Stopping my attack on his neck, I breathe in his fresh scent, that characteristic aroma of someone who got out of the shower only minutes ago, so addictive! He moans again when I breathe out, the air getting out of my lungs and hitting his hot and sensitive skin.

Going back for his mouth, I gasp into it as I feel him grabbing my arse through my jeans. Fuck this is getting too much. My head is floating as I lose myself in Matthew Bellamy. And it’s one of the most intense feelings I have ever felt, maybe because I had never been so entranced by someone in my life.

Grabbing the waistband of my jeans as he lets go of my mouth, he walks backwards dragging me with him until his back is pressed against the wall. I grin wildly, biting on my lip at the sight before my eyes, but quickly go for his neck again. More moans and sighs and now I feel him shuddering between the wall and me. I look at him again, breathing heavily, and gulp at the way his eyes are darkened, intense, irresistible. And those swollen lips... Oh my...  I feel like eating him.

“What now, Dominic?” He asks in between his own heavy breaths. Sliding one hand behind me again, he pushes my hips towards him, pressing our groins together. We both groan at the contact, and somehow, the fact that he’s as hard as me makes me much more confident. “What’s your solution for this... rigid ice taking care of our bodies?”

With a lopsided grin, I give him the only answer I could ever give. “Only the body heat can solve it.” Then I get closer to his lips, our hips still close together. “Fuck me.”

“You think you deserve such an honour?” He’s panting, still grabbing my arse as he licks his lips with a mischievous smile.

“No, not really. But you’re so generous, aren’t you?”

He leans in a bit until his lips are close to my ear “I guess this is your lucky day.” We share another heavy kiss, until he stops me, making me take a few steps back. “Not here. In the shower zone.” I throw him a questioning look. “We’re too close to the door here.” Realization hits me. Sure, we can’t get caught... But what bothers me somehow is the fact that he knows the best place to have sex in the changing rooms without getting caught. That means this is not new for him at all. Oh stop it! Don’t ruin everything now!

“I know that because, Jason tends to sing in the shower and nobody hears him outside.” Ah... I smile at that feeling a certain relief. “Which doesn’t mean I never did anything there.” I gulp and he chuckles shaking his head, searching for something on his locker once he finds the key in his pocket. “You’re so easy to wind up...” I scratch the back of my head self consciously. Yeah... I guess I am. “And yes, before you open your eyes wide at me, I have condoms in my locker. Not lube though...but I’m sure we can find something else for the same effect....” He rambles away. “Stop the inner battle, it won’t take you anywhere, man...” He smiles; I could almost say he smiles tenderly. “No... I don’t do it regularly, if that makes you more at ease. I don’t know what the fuck is making me say this...” He mumbles as he locks the small metal door again.

Silence falls upon us and I follow him into one of the individual cubicles where the skaters have showers. I’m trembling... My hands are shaking furiously and my mind his firing me with questions again. But I can’t go back now. I’ve already crossed the line.

“Alright... I don’t want you freaking out on me, so I’ll ask you... Are you sure?”

It’s at times like this that I just know that Matthew has a good character.

“I am sure.”