I really enjoyed this episode. But then I enjoyed "Huggy Bear and the Turkey," too, so maybe I just like them being silly.
AND GAY. Though by now that almost goes without saying.
Never one to leave a point unbelabored, however, I felt the need to (
picspam. )
Once again, we join the characters of Mr. Tyrone and Mr. Marlene whom
we saw in Huggy and Turkey. You'll remember that Hutch played Mr.
Tyrone in that one and Starsky played Mr. Marlene. Except, this time
around, they've switched roles. Apparently Mr. Tyrone needed to be
more sexual and Mr. Marlene needed to be more out. So, I bring you…..
Dandruff
(Or to borrow a line from Bringing Up Baby: "Because I just went gay
all of a sudden!")
High rises, pretty buildings, ooooh shiny. We are in a salon, we are
seeing the male hairdressers, we are seeing….wait a minute! Is that
Hutch? In a wig? Pouring champagne? Yeah, that'd be him. Can't mistake
that clumsiness anywhere. It's okay, the lady doesn't mind getting
wet. She wants a new hairstyle, too, and apparently Hutch, I mean Mr.
Marlene, is gonna give it to her. Fear this man; fear this man for
good reason. He gets you drunk so you won't realize the horror he's
about to unleash on your head.
We get a quick glimpse of a woman who looks strangely familiar. You
get the feeling some guy is gonna come by soon and tell her "One of
these days, Alice. Pow! Right in the kisser!" She's buttering up to
her paying customer. Money is good; making the customer feel pretty
will make you more money. This is a fact that Mr. Marlene doesn't seem
to care much about. He better be glad he's pretty because he wouldn't
make it on talent alone.
Scene changes to a hotel lobby. It's where all the well-to-do people
gather. Men in business suits, women tanned to a crisp, and a couple
making out by the fountain. The man is mumbling something, but the
woman's not giving him much of a chance to breathe as she's on top of
him and sucking the life out of his mouth. They slowly switch
positions and you learn that the man is Starsky. Hardly seems fair
does it? Starsky gets to make out with a woman and Hutch gets to make
out with a bottle of hair dye. It's okay, Hutch doesn't mind, but
we'll get to that later.
We switch back to the salon where Mr. Marlene is trying to get his
customer to drink more champagne. She's either crying from happiness
or she just caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Either way,
she's too drunk to care. His boss, Ms. Zuckerman, is not amused. She
asks to have a word with him and they go over to the counter where she
accosts him. I love a dominant woman who can bend Hutch over a
counter. We find out that Starsky and Hutch are undercover in her
salon. This is not a sideline business they're running here, but
Starsky (Mr. Tyrone) is 40 minutes late. Mr. Marlene, in his infinite
campiness, delivers a line that I cannot get through without laughing.
"Well, I'm sure he's probably on his way. But if not, I will speak to
him personally; you have my word on that. And the moment he arrives, I
think you are absolutely right that this kind of tardiness cannot be
tolerated."
There is absolutely no reason for him to be playing this character so
fey when talking to her. She knows you're undercover, you can break
character. He has either been huffing too many bottles of hair
solution or else he's not only coming out of the closet, he's coming
out of the house. But always looking out for his partner, he assures
Ms. Zuckerman that Mr. Tyrone should be forgiven if he's engaged in
"official business."
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get. He's still loving on the lady, but he's also started getting
interested in a suspicious looking man across the way. He tries to
dissuade the lady by telling her that he has to go to "wirk." It is
now that you get to hear Mr. Tyrone's accent a little better. That is
to say, nobody can understand him except for one person (and we know
who that person is). Mr. Tyrone crawls away and makes his way over to
a phone and calls guess who? Starsky doesn't stay in character and
neither does Hutch when answering the phone, but as soon as he hears
that it's Starsky, here we come with the lovely line "Tyrone, you
naughty, naughty boy. Where have you been hiding yourself?" Seriously!
Did Dobey go to Ms. Zuckerman and say "we have this gay couple on our
force and we'd like them to be undercover in your salon." Or maybe
they came up with this all on their own. They're getting into
character over at Starsky's apartment, decide to switch roles, and
come up with the infallible plan that they should go in as a couple.
Whatever went on in their minds to come up with these two characters,
I adore them for it.
Anyway, getting back to the story, Hutch slams the phone down and
marches off like the drama queen that he is. He goes back to his salon
area, checking to make sure his customer is getting good and pickled,
before picking up the phone and continuing his conversation. Now, at
this point, Starsky goes back into character as Mr. Tyrone. This may
be because his girl of the moment has decided she won't be ignored, so
she's started molesting him again. If you can filter through the
indecipherable accent you'll hear that the perp is on the move and
Hutch is needed. Well, that's what he means anyway.
Shot of the cashier's sign and a woman whom you can infer is the
cashier. The perp is agitated and Starsky's watching. I adore this
scene because of the choreography involved in it. Starsky's watching
the perp, but his lady friend wants him to watch her, so she continues
to pull him back to the matter at hand, namely putting his hands on
her body. What Starsky's trying to get a good look at, if the lady
would give him half a chance, is that the perp is stealing from the
cashier. Starsky finally gets rid of the lady by giving her a room
key. Fifty bucks says it's not his or Hutch's room.
Camera is situated at the bottom of the escalator so we can get a good
shot of the perp coming down, and also get a good case of dizzies
looking up. Starsky comes up behind the guy and stands at the top. The
guy's almost to the bottom of the escalator before Starsky yells out
to him, out of character. This frightens the would-be robber and he
takes off. But who is at the bottom of the escalator? Why, it's Hutch!
Or Mr. Marlene or whoever else is rattling around under that bad wig.
The perp is cornered, he can't go up or down, so he goes over the side
and on the other escalator. Dang, that wasn't part of the plan. But
never fear, the boys are hot on his trail and runs him down…or
attempts to drown him in the hotel fountain. Either way, they get him
and the stolen money gets a good washing.
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Cut to the station, with the over-used but familiar establishing shot
of the Torino parked right in front. I don't know who Starsky sucked
up to for four years to make sure he got the best spot in the station,
but he did good. He'll need all that charm to deal with Dobey because
the Captain is not very happy. They screwed up, again, and Dobey's
gonna lay into them. But look at them! The poor boys are wet to the
core, huddled in blankets to try to get warm. Starsky's bare feet are
propped up on Dobey's desk and you can almost see the boy's pruned
skin. But Dobey will not be emotionally manipulated, they weren't
supposed to do anything but stayed buried in the beauty salon.
Arresting the perp was dumb, but if you had to work in that salon day
after day, wouldn't you want a little excitement, too? Starsky does
not do bored very well. He tends to get in trouble, which by extension
means Hutch tends to get in trouble. They were supposed to wait for a
jewelry heist that may or may not go down in the hotel and with no
action so far, Starsky made his own. Starsky also tries to say that
the whole arrest was just an instinctive gesture and Hutch has to
chime in that they're sometimes impetuous. Yeah, those boys are
impulsive and passionate, I'll give them that.
Hutch wants to know about "The Baron" and honestly, so do I. Word came
down from Scotland Yard that "The Baron" might be paying a visit to
Bay City. Oooh, he's an international thief if they've got word from
Scotland Yard. Nobody knows what "The Baron" looks like, but the crime
will likely go down within the next 48 hours. The Belvedere Diamonds
are at stake and it's the boys' job to protect them. But they do have
one clue to go on. Scotland Yard knows what kind of cigars the guy
smokes. Dobey tells them to get to know the cigars. "Smoke them, eat
them, chew them, stick them in your pocket, I don't care what you do
with them." They are identified by Hutch, of course, as Corona
Superbas. Hutch is smart, he uses big words and knows his cigars.
He's also a very, very gay hairdresser. It all evens out in the end.
Establishing shot of the outside of the hospital, just so you know
Buddy got hurt bad. Inside the hospital room, Buddy's gun and holster
and hanging from the traction rod and Bernie Hamilton makes the best
in-canon blooper ever. He leans on the table and it collapses. David
has to aid his line and he does it beautifully. Mr. Tyrone is
unavailable at the moment because he short-circuited one of the hair
dryers and Ms. Zuckerman was not amused. Hutch is more concerned with
beating on an already-injured Buddy. Payback's bad ain't it? Hutch is
busy playing with Buddy's gun while Dobey states point of fact, if the
goons wanted Buddy dead, he'd be dead. Buddy has an appointment with
the courier tomorrow, along with the two buyers. Hutch is too busy
yawning to care. Does this bore you? Dobey gives him a look as Buddy
continues talking. Now Hutch is picking at Buddy's hair like an ape.
Hutch would rather play gay than play cop, as witnessed by his
slipping right back into character for no apparent reason in the
middle of the scene. Normal voice, normal voice, welcome back Marlene.
The appointment is set, the buyers are on their way, case is going
forward whether Buddy is laid up or not. In the hospital hallway, "The
Baron" is playing doctor.
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of twins on their laps who look as interested as statues. What is
wrong with these women? Well, Ms. Zuckerman (with her new hair-do)
overhears the boys hitting on the women. Oops, you're not supposed to
like women. Their singles adventure is quickly brought to an end.
However, Mr. Marlene's adventure is just beginning. He and his
customer are upstairs, behind the door, and putting on a floor show
for whoever is listening. Turns out, he's got a real dominant lady on
his hands. What is it with Mr. Marlene and the dominant women in his
life? Harry's in the next room, which unnerves Mr. Marlene, but
doesn't seem to phase the lady. As a matter of fact, it doesn't seem
to phase Harry either. But still, Mr. Marlene is playing up his "I'm
gay, I'm not a threat" lines, whether they're needed or not. Harry
doesn't mind who she's laying on the floor with, he trusts her.
We once again see Ms. Zuckerman suckering $147.50 out of a lady by
telling her that she looks lovely. As the lady walks off, you can see
that Ms. Zuckerman doesn't believe it herself. Prince Nairobi's back
and mixing up names. How is he supposed to keep track who is who?
They're the ones that switched names. Mr. Tyrone begins to fake wash
his hair as they talk. Prince Nairobi's just been down having a drink
with the buyers and courier in the Cabaret, but the alcohol didn't
agree with one of them because he's laid out on the floor. They put
on a show, Huggy storming off with Mr. Tyrone following, so that they
can get back to the scene of the crime.
We get a shot of hands putting a bug on a briefcase. As the camera
pulls back, we see it's "The Baron" in disguise, taking the
unconscious man's pulse. He leaves to call an ambulance as Mr. Tyrone
and Prince Nairobi enter. Starsky goes to check on the gentleman as
Prince Nairobi asks where the bartender is. Ahh, so that's who "The
Baron" was pretending to be. Prince Nairobi puts two and two together
and figures the bartender is a bad guy. Starsky notices the bug on the
briefcase almost immediately. He's a good cop after all.
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Starsky and Hutch. It seems the gentleman came to with a headache and
a bug, neither of which Dobey was aware of. The plan is that they're
gonna be waiting for "The Baron" at the buy since he's so bent on
finding out where it will take place anyway. Dobey trusts his boys, so
let the games begin. Into the hospital room they go for the
pre-arranged appointment between Buddy, the buyers, and the courier.
Mr. Tyrone introduces himself as Dave Starsky, yet nobody understands
him because of the accent. He could introduce himself as Bigfoot and
nobody would know what he was saying. Mr. Marlene, however, is all
about flirting. He gives a cute wave to Buddy, then proceeds to go
down the line of buyers and courier. He says hi to everyone except
Prince Nairobi, to which he asks "got your bone?" I get the feeling
Mr. Marlene's flirting is making Buddy nervous because when asked if
he's feeling better, he jumps and hits his head on the light. Mr.
Marlene's not gonna bite you...I mean, unless you want him to.
Buddy's ready to begin the transaction, as evidenced by the fact he's
wearing his gun, but the nurse isn't helpful. How was she supposed to
know he needed a towel for his table, not his head? Buddy's
aggravating, but "The Baron" is listening in to make sure he doesn't
miss out. Each man is supposed to bring a gift to Buddy that only he
will recognize, just to make sure they're all supposed to be there.
The courier brings a watch, Mr. Van Dam brings glasses, Mr. Adachi
brings a flower (which he misidentifies as a bud at first), and of
course Prince Nairobi brings a bone (a huge bone that would make
Bam-Bam proud). Buddy hits his head again before beginning to spill
the beans on just where this buy will take place. We get a quick cut
to "The Baron" hiding in the supply closet, almost caught by a
wandering nurse (the same one he ran into earlier). He plays it off,
says it's a cigar break and all, so she buys the story and leaves. He
quickly picks up the radio again to listen to Buddy's conversation.
The sale will take place in the North Tower Suite in an hour.
Shiny exterior shot before going inside to the boys. They're talking
with the courier, getting the lowdown on just how the auction will
work. Hutch is busy taking off his wig and taking out his bobby pins
while Starsky's debating the difference between a pouch and a box.
They want to put a bug into the box, but that is not allowable. It
would disrupt the sanctity of the box and that's just not right. Hutch
is busy primping while Starsky argues the point. The man cared very
little about his hair the whole episode, but now he's got a brush and
a mirror. The courier finally gives in, beat down by Starsky logic. In
goes the bug and off we go to the sale.
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room and all the ins and outs of the situation while Starsky is
following him around and gazing. The buyers and courier do not appear
to be listening, but as a group they acknowledge that they were. Out
of the pouch comes the shiny diamonds and off the boys go to sit on
the couch, ready to watch the sale. They're so domestic, sharing the
paper (Hutch requesting the section Starsky was getting ready to
read). The comedy routine is about to begin. Mr. Van Dam starts the
bidding at three million, which earns lowered papers from the boys.
Mr. Adachi and Mr. Van Dam start bidding against each other and the
boys relax. That is, until Prince Nairobi pops up with a four million
dollar bid. The boys freak, throwing down their papers and starting
forward to head off this disaster, but Mr. Van Dam outbids him and all
is well again. Holland just got some lovely jewels. Prince Nairobi
starts playing with the diamonds as the other buyers talk. He's a
showman to the core. He drops the diamonds in Mr. Van Dam's pouch and
opens his hand to prove he's not pocketing any. Starsky and Hutch are
heading towards the door, Starsky taking out the radio from the vase
to let the outside crew know that it's over. The buyers are all
talking amongst themselves about their families. Mr. Adachi's
quintuplets have the Asian Flu, bad joke.
Elevator arrives and the attendant is none other than "The Baron."
Nobody's the wiser. Hutch bids them all goodbye, thanking the courier,
telling Mr. Van Dam something that even Hutch doesn't understand
himself, telling Mr. Adachi sayonara, and saying to Huggy "see you
later, bro." I love Hutch. As the elevator doors close, they recognize
that the attendant had a gun. Starsky calls down to Dobey that they
can follow "The Baron" with the bug they put into the pouch. Down the
stairs they run, Dobey giving them directions. The bug's signal is on
the 16th floor. "The Baron" exits the elevator, leaving his stunned
victims on the floor. He goes to his room and starts changing clothes.
Starsky and Hutch burst out of the stairwell, Starsky asking Dobey for
more direction. Hutch doesn't need directions, he's just gonna start
opening doors. The sights you can see when you haven't got your gun.
They get a lamp flung at them by an angry lady and a very angry man
curses at them. The signal is moving down again, but Hutch determines
it's not inside, but outside. Into the angry lady's room again, she
starts shouting and goes off to call the manager. The boys spot a
window cleaner and figure that's gotta be their man. Out of the room
they go, angry lady slamming the door behind them. They descend in the
elevator, very impatiently, but they make it to the ground floor
before the window washer. They wait, figuring they got their man, but
alas it's not to be. However, the audience is in the know and can see
that the window washer is actually one of the goons that work for "The
Baron." Three uniforms gather down the street, one of which is "The
Baron" himself. Starsky and Hutch uncover the other goon lying on the
floor of his scaffolding, scared but alive.
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Back to "The Baron" who takes off his hat to wipe the brow band and we
see that he's got the diamonds stuffed in his hat. Back on his head it
goes as he flags to an approaching patrol car, giving the uniform who
knows what kind of direction before taking the car himself. The boys
have the pouch, which contains the bug and nothing else. They're happy
that the bug worked, but Dobey's running up to them (yes, running) and
he's more concerned with where the diamonds are. He wants answers and
he wants them now, so Hutch delivers one of my favorite lines: "Here
come the prince, here come the prince." (Laugh-in fans will recognize
the take-off) And the prince brought gifts, namely the diamonds. You
see, Huggy's sticky fingers are an asset to them all.
And finally we get to the tag, the lovely tag. Hutch is under the hair
dryer-sunglasses on, holster, and in his pretty blue shirt, which will
make a reappearance in Starsky's Brother), filing the fingernails of
one Ms. Zuckerman's right hand. Starsky's on the left, an almost
mirror image of his partner-under the hair dryer, sunglasses on,
holster, red shirt which will reappear in Starsky's Brother, and
filing Ms. Zuckerman's left hand. She starts off on a speech about
patriotism and the little guy. The boys are trying to fight her to sit
back down because it's kinda hard to file her nails when she's pulling
away. Mr. Tyrone asks her to simply blow out the candle on the cake
in front of her. She complies just as Dobey comes in, ranting again.
Dobey: "Why aren't you back at the office?"
Mr. Tyrone: "Because, we are here."
Obviousness, a good trait to have. Dobey delivers a present, which Ms.
Zuckerman snatches up. It's two cigars, which are distributed to the
boys (proving Starsky is very well skilled in having such things in
his mouth), along with a note. It's from "The Baron" who has once
again gotten the last word. Puff puff on those cigars until the next
time they meet again.
And my Dandruff vid (I Feel Pretty) can be found here: http://www.dream-somehow.com/nightside/downloads.htm
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