(no subject)
The day before Noise died I filled out one of those myspace surveys I do all the time:
54. Are you happy with your life?
i am very happy right now. i have a wonderful job, with great coworkers that i actually have a good time with when i'm working. i'm financially stable and able to spoil myself again. i live in a safe, clean and very nice apartment with the greatest roomate and best friend a girl could ask for. and i have some of the best friends that have ever roamed the earth. my family is a little quirky but i love them. my mom is the coolest lady i know. my cats love me unconditionally. really, life is splendid. thank you to whomever is up there, thank you for such an awesome life. <3
I am finding myself suddenly angry that once I found true happiness and inner peace with myself and my current situation/life one of the most stable and constant things in my life was ripped away from me. Am I wrong for actually being angry about this? I went from being soooo absolutely happy and in a good place mentally to suddenly lost and fucked up. I know it sounds crazy to be this distraught over it but-fuck! Is it such a hard thing to ask for to be happy?! I don't want to feel depressed. I've done enough of that in the last year. I reach the one year mark in just a few days and I was really happy that I was in a much better place. I'd been making plans to do all sorts of fun things. I was looking into the future and looking forward to certain things. And now with his death I just want to take things one day at a time. I don't want to go out and have fun and be social. I'm just completely and utterly sick of being depressed and if I could not feel this way I'd gladly snap myself out of it, but this is seriously a difficult change. I honest to god have a huge emptiness in my soul. I feel lost. Everyone reading this probably thinks I'm crazy for being this shook up over the loss of a cat and I feel weird for feeling this way but its how I feel. This fucking sucks. Thats what it all boils down to.
54. Are you happy with your life?
i am very happy right now. i have a wonderful job, with great coworkers that i actually have a good time with when i'm working. i'm financially stable and able to spoil myself again. i live in a safe, clean and very nice apartment with the greatest roomate and best friend a girl could ask for. and i have some of the best friends that have ever roamed the earth. my family is a little quirky but i love them. my mom is the coolest lady i know. my cats love me unconditionally. really, life is splendid. thank you to whomever is up there, thank you for such an awesome life. <3
I am finding myself suddenly angry that once I found true happiness and inner peace with myself and my current situation/life one of the most stable and constant things in my life was ripped away from me. Am I wrong for actually being angry about this? I went from being soooo absolutely happy and in a good place mentally to suddenly lost and fucked up. I know it sounds crazy to be this distraught over it but-fuck! Is it such a hard thing to ask for to be happy?! I don't want to feel depressed. I've done enough of that in the last year. I reach the one year mark in just a few days and I was really happy that I was in a much better place. I'd been making plans to do all sorts of fun things. I was looking into the future and looking forward to certain things. And now with his death I just want to take things one day at a time. I don't want to go out and have fun and be social. I'm just completely and utterly sick of being depressed and if I could not feel this way I'd gladly snap myself out of it, but this is seriously a difficult change. I honest to god have a huge emptiness in my soul. I feel lost. Everyone reading this probably thinks I'm crazy for being this shook up over the loss of a cat and I feel weird for feeling this way but its how I feel. This fucking sucks. Thats what it all boils down to.