Acceptable Losses :: Chapter Nine.
Title: Acceptable Losses
Author: fenderlove
Pairing: Spike/Angel
Rating: PG-13 for birth ookiness.
Summary: Spike and Angel are making a go of it after returning from Hell in Angel: After the Fall. Unfortunately, being a single vampire dad living with your pain-in-the-ass boyfriend and Journalism major son makes Hell seem almost preferable.
Acceptable Losses
Chapter Nine: In a Big Country.
While Buffy was calmly filling out paperwork in a wheelchair, her vampiric exes were pacing back and forth in St. Anne's Labor and Delivery waiting room. Spike kept tapping on the Admissions desk and asking when Buffy could have a bed. The in-take nurses kept assuring him that she would be taken to an open room as soon as possible. Angel, however, kept going between Buffy and the pay-phone. He'd run through all of his loose change calling the apartment to find out if Connor had gotten home. The girls, to their credit, were trying to sit as still and quiet as possible.
"Spike, leave the staff alone," Buffy said as she tried to decide which address she should list on her personal information, the clipboard of paperwork balanced precariously on her baby-bump. "My water broke, but I'm still in the early stages of labor. It could be hours before the baby is born."
Spike turned to her, his face awash with concern, "But-"
"No," she interrupted him and pointed to an empty seat near her. "Sit. You're making me nervous."
Nodding, Spike did as he was told, but that lasted for all of five minutes before he was up and pacing again.
"Be useful," Buffy handed Spike the clipboard, which he dutifully took to the Admissions desk.
Twenty minutes of frustration and anxiety followed before Buffy was taken to a small but pleasant-looking birthing room. She demanded everyone wait in the hallway while she spoke to the obstetrician on duty, changed into the gown and rubber-soled socks the hospital provided, and was given a preliminary examination. Both Angel and Spike hovered outside the door impatiently.
"How long does having a baby take?" Florence asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"It seemed like it took a really long time for my mom to deliver my little brother," Daisy responded and then looked up at Angel, "What was it like when Connor was born?"
Angel swallowed a small lump in his throat and didn't know how to answer that question simply, "Connor wasn't really..."
"Connor wasn't born in a typical way, Pet," Spike finished for him, and Angel was grateful for it, leaning over to place a small kiss on the scar trisecting Spike's right eyebrow.
After finishing the exam, the OB/GYN opened the door and beckoned everyone into the room.
"This is quite a crowd," the doctor smiled as the girls went to take seats around Buffy's bed. "Good question to get out of the way is who's staying? Everyone?"
The four young Slayers all paled a little.
"No," Buffy replied and gestured towards Spike and Angel, "Just the menfolk."
"Both of us can stay?" Angel asked.
"The days of only one person being allowed in the delivery room are long over. When Buffy gets ready for the final stages of labor, the young ladies can step outside, and you two can stay," the doctor said. "We want Buffy to be as comfortable as possible. She can get up and walk around, watch TV, have a snack, and pretty soon she'll get to see her baby."
Once the OB/GYN left the room, Buffy groaned, rubbing her hands over her face, "I haven't felt any contractions."
Spike quirked an eyebrow, "Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?"
"Well, it means I've been in labor a lot longer than I thought 'cause I am very dilated," Buffy frowned, "Very dilated."
After more agonizing anticipation, Buffy did eventually begin to feel some discomfort and pressure, though she declined an epidural or any pain medications. Suggesting that Spike take the girls to grab some food and bring her back some ice cream of any Hagan Daas variety, Buffy waited until they were gone to grab her overnight bag, take out her wallet, and hand Angel a scrap of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.
"This is my Aunt Lolly's number. She lives in Modesto, and I want you to call her after the baby is born, okay?" Buffy's tone was extremely serious and very rushed.
A realization dawned on Angel, "You're not keeping the baby, are you?"
Though he did not sound admonishing, Buffy still took to the defense, "Look, it's not that I don't want to keep the baby, but I can't."
"That's why you came down here pretty much alone," Angel's brow furrowed, "Just what are you planning on telling your friends when you arrived back in Europe sans kid?"
"I was going to tell them the truth, that I gave the baby to my aunt. Dawn already knows," Buffy's voice took on a very hard edge, not liking what she felt Angel was accusing her of. "I can't give this baby anything. You don't understand."
Angel sat on the bed, "I do understand, Buffy, more than you know."
"How? Because you've got your cute son with his cute collegiate career ahead of him?"
Staring at her, Angel fumbled for words for a moment," How did you know?"
"He looks like you. Duh," came the reply.
Anger finally spilled over into his voice as Angel spoke, "Let me tell you about Connor. I loved him from the moment he was born, and I loved him even as a person I trusted stole him from me. I loved him when he came back from a hell dimension as a teenager and ready to kill me, and I love him still now that he's a straight A student with two sets of memories, two separate families, and that he's technically under fours years old in our time."
Buffy stared down at her distended abdomen, her eyes getting somewhat misty as she quietly repeated, "You don't understand..."
"I would not trade having Connor for anything in the world, but I wish I could have stopped the horrible things that happened to him," Angel's expression softened, and he took one of Buffy's hands in his own, remembering for the first time how deceptively fragile it seemed, "I'm sorry. I... I'm sure that your aunt will take good care of the baby, and if that's what you want, you should do it."
"I know that no matter what I do something bad could still happen," Buffy's expression was one of extreme forlornness. "I'm more worried that I won't be able to love-"
"I've got ice cream in three different flavors for the lady who's entered her confinement," Spike grinned as he pushed the door open with his shoulder.
Buffy tried to straighten herself up a little in the bed, but Spike noticed something was off, "Are you in a lot of pain?"
"Ice cream will fix it since a kabosh got put on the cupcakes," she said, reaching for one of the pints. "Where are the girls?"
"Enjoying a few slices of pizza down in the commissary. They'll be back up when they're done," Spike joined Buffy and Angel on the bed.
Digging into the ice cream, Buffy managed a smile, "I wanted to thank you, both of you, for taking care of the girls. They really like staying with you."
"They're good kids," Spike nodded and then held up a spoonful of vanilla ice cream to Angel's mouth.
"Stop that," Angel pushed Spike's hand away before eventually relenting after much whining that the third pint would melt if he didn't eat it.
As the contractions continued at various intensities, Buffy grew restless from sitting in the bed. Spike and Angel took turns helping her walk about the room though she threatened them with great bodily harm if they purposefully tried to untie the fasteners of her gown off a joke Spike made about hospital fashion. The OB/GYN made numerous visits, checking on Buffy's progress and generally being overly cheerful. The girls returned from their wanderings with a brightly-coloured gift box. They had pooled what little pocket money they had and bought Buffy a fluffy pink robe. She was truly touched by the simple gift and managed to put on a happy face despite her pain.
It was about the time that the four young Slayers left to sit in the larger waiting area in the ward that Buffy announced in a rather growly voice, "I need to push. I don't care if the doctor tells me not to. I am going to start pushing."
"You should have accepted the drugs," Spike told her as Angel went to go find the doctor, "You could be dancing in sunshine right now and not feelin' a thing."
"Don't make me stake you with a tongue depressor," the Slayer responded, gripping the sheets, trying to turn on her side to alleviate some of her discomfort as the contradictions began to come on top of one another, giving her no rest period in between.
Spike laughed good-naturedly, rubbing her back gently, "That's the thanks I get for bringing you dessert in bed."
"Sure, you're a saint," Buffy snorted, "You are the most saintly sainted saint of all saintness. Now where are my ice chips?"
"I can tell you where you could shove some ice chips, but there's currently a baby making its descent from there," Spike smirked. "Speaking of your soon-to-be bundle of joy, have you thought any more about names?"
"I'm a little busy at the moment," Buffy groaned, her breathing becoming heavier.
"You haven't thought about it at all, have you? This kid can't just be Baby Summers its entire life..." Spike paused, "I guess it could though. Buffy Summers, Baby Summers. It's kind of cute. You know what else is a cute name? Spike. Kendall on All My Children named her baby Spike, and he's right adorable."
The OB/GYN came into the room after knocking on the door, trailed closely by a nervous Angel. After donning a new pair of gloves, the doctor pulled up a seat as Buffy turned over onto her back.
"All right, Buffy, let's take a look at how you're doing," the doctor said as she pushed up Buffy's hospital gown a little. "It looks like you're fully dilated already. Wow, you've progressed very quickly for a first-timer."
"Buffy's a bit of an over-achiever," Spike carefully brushed a few strands of hair away from the Slayer's damp forehead.
Buffy glared at him though she did appreciate him being there, "Bite me."
After calling for an attending nurse to assist, the OB/GYN instructed Spike and Angel to allow Buffy to press her feet against their hands for leverage as she began to push. With Angel to her right and Spike at her left, Buffy felt some of her apprehension ease as each vampire held one of her feet and one of her hands. When told to push at last, Buffy gave it her all, hoping to get relief sooner rather than later. Spike winced as Buffy's nails dug in his skin as she forced herself to lean forward; his gaze flicked up to see Angel mirroring his pain. Her feet pressed into their palms with enough force to make both men worry that their shoulders were in danger of being unhinged.
Angel had once dreamed of being with Buffy as she was now. It was an impossible dream back then, that she would live long enough to have a child or that he could ever father one. He'd been proven wrong on both counts. Who would have ever have guessed that Angelus, Scourge of Europe, and William the Bloody would ever be helping a Slayer usher her firstborn into the world. It was strange and terrifying to him, but not completely unpleasant.
The doctor warned Buffy to slow down, to let nature tell her when to push. Buffy, sweating profusely, shouted out several choice expletives about that idea, but it did not seem to faze the medical staff who had probably heard far worse. When the OB/GYN announced that the baby's head was crowning, Spike's curiosity was peaked, and he couldn't help but sneak a glance.
"Dear God, it's a like a wet Saint Bernard trying to come through a cat-door," he instantly regretting looking, but he somehow could not turn away.
Angel couldn't resist taking a look as well, "There's more blood and fluid than I thought there'd be."
"Stop staring, you pervs!" Buffy snapped, seriously considering breaking a few of their fingers to get her point across.
The doctor asked the nurse for a bulbed syringe to clear the baby's airway as its head emerged and, once finished, said, "Okay, I need you to push one more time."
Buffy nodded, trying to keep her breathing even as she pushed, feeling a rush of relief as the rest of the baby's body left her, though the tug of contractions were still slightly uncomfortable. Quickly rubbing the baby with a towel, the nurse helped the doctor rest the baby on Buffy's lower abdomen. The tiny creature squirmed a little and let out a small wobbly wail.
Angel smiled, "It's a boy."
"And he's ginger!" Spike exclaimed with a big grin once the blood was cleaned from the baby's head revealing a fine crop of wispy reddish-blonde curls.
"Who wants to cut the cord?" the doctor asked as she got the umbilical clamp in place.
When neither Spike nor Angel made a move to take the surgical scissors, Buffy extended her hand, "I'll do it."
Once the baby was completely free, he was bundled up more thoroughly in receiving towels, and Buffy held him to her chest. He was very pink and quite loud, but he was beautiful. Eventually, the baby calmed, and Buffy glanced at each of her vampires. They shared a kind of awe at the wriggling bundle.
"You did brilliantly, Luv," Spike leaned down to kiss her forehead.
Buffy laughed a little, "You're only saying that because I was almost ripped in two."
"Well, I certainly wouldn't want something this big coming out of me," he replied as he stroked the pad of his thumb over the baby's cheek.
Spike watched the little boy's chest rise and fall with each breath, his tiny fingers and toes clenched up, eyes shut, his bottom lip stuck out in a cute pout. The kid looked like he was ready to punch something, not that Spike could blame him after the ordeal he had just been through. The blonde vampire searched for Buffy's features in the boy's face and thought that his nose resembled hers, but that might change once the squinchiness of his features evened out or, perhaps, he just had his father's features.
After all the messy afterbirth necessities were taken care of and Buffy was given the chance to feed her son, the doctor offered to take the baby to the nursery so that Buffy could get some rest. As the staff left with the baby safe inside a plexiglass bassinet, Buffy noticed that Spike tugged slightly on her hand.
"You can keep an eye on him, if you want," Buffy smiled. "I'm probably just going to sleep for a few days."
Spike laughed as he gave Buffy's hand an affectionate squeeze, "I'll make sure he's not hitting on the nurses."
"Let's pray that he'll wait to be a few hours old before he elopes," she replied as Spike left the room.
Angel kissed the top of Buffy's head, "Congrats."
"Thank you," Buffy relaxed against her pillows, holding onto Angel's hand until her grip slackened in sleep.
Leaving her to get a few million winks, Angel quietly walked out to the ward's waiting room. The girls were dozing in the tangle of chairs they had arranged together. He took the chance to try calling Connor again from the pay-phone and was finally able to reach his son. Connor sounded a little disappointed that he had missed the excitement but relieved at the same time. When Angel was finished on the phone, he walked back to Buffy's room and peered in, but she wasn't in her bed. He almost panicked, fearing that she had skipped out, but a quick check of the halls ended that. Buffy was standing outside of the nursery, wearing her new robe and looking through the large observation window at Spike who was being shown by the nurses how to hold the baby properly. The blonde vampire appeared very out of place sitting in a rocking chair amongst the pink and blue wrapped bundles as he held tight to the littlest Summers.
Buffy was smiling softly as she looked up at Angel, "If there ever was a fish out of water..."
"He'd just work around having gills," Angel fought back some of the feelings that swelled in his chest as he watched Spike kiss the baby's nose.
"Did you know that some Slayers have had kids before?"
"No, never thought it came with the territory," but then Angel added, "I did think about if you wanted them when we were together."
Buffy continued, "The second Slayer that Spike killed had a son. He was very young when she died."
Angel did not know how to respond to that. He wondered how Buffy could so casually say the words while Spike held her child in his arms, but he figured it was the same way he never thought twice about Spike being around Connor. There wasn't anything to fear besides Spike giving someone bad habits.
"I met him- Robin. He grew up thinking that his mother chose being a Slayer over being with him, that the mission was more important," Buffy paused, pulling her robe tighter around her body, "I don't know if she truly felt that way, but the thing is that Robin believes she did. He grew up with so much rage inside of him... I don't want that for my son."
"You can't protect him from the world. Believe me, I tried," Angel replied. "You do the best you can and hope that your love can see him through."
Buffy bit the inside of her cheek, "What if I can't love him enough?"
Angel's brow furrowed.
"If it came down between the world or my child, I know which one I'd pick, and it makes me feel sick inside," Buffy looked so ashamed to even admit that to herself.
"You've got more options in this besides choosing between being a 'bad mother' or a 'bad Slayer.' You can be good at both," Angel really didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound like a cliched platitude.
What could he tell her? That Connor had to die at his own hands to be reborn into a better life away from demons and fighting just to be able to function in normal society? No, that would not be helpful. Angel had no right to try to allay her fears, which were valid and justified. Angel knew that a million horrific scenarios had probably run through Buffy's mind, keeping her awake, plaguing her thoughts; he had gone through the very same, and he knew those worries never fully stop.
Spike finally looked up to see them at the observation window. His expression was that of pure happiness. He held up the baby so that they could see the blue receiving blanket and matching toque the nurses had put on the newborn.
"I've never seen him smile like that," Buffy sighed, mentally noting that, as a new mother, she should be the one looking so thrilled.
Angel said warmly, "Spike's got a little bundle of you to keep to himself for a few minutes so, of course, he looks happy. He's just fallen in love again."
Off the look Buffy gave him, Angel continued, "Spike loves that baby because he's yours. He doesn't need any more reason than that. Nevermind the fact that he could love a scrap of cardboard if there was the tiniest possibility it could love him back."
"That's a mean thing to say," Buffy frowned. "You love Spike in return, don't you?"
After taking more time than he would ever admit to mulling the question over, Angel affirmed, "I do, but I'm not good with laying my emotions out there for the world to see. Spike does whether he wants to or not. Love is just his thing. It's sort of his gift, I guess."
His gift? Buffy felt a tight knot in her stomach as she remembered what her gift was supposed to be. She had been dreading this day since she learned she was pregnant. Her greatest fear was that she would see her newborn and feel absolutely nothing for him, but now she was afraid of what she did feel, that her new love would crush her. She wanted him to be safe and protected, to have the life that a random occurrence of demonic essence had denied her. Buffy felt the only way to ensure his safety would be to keep him away from her, but at the same time, she worried that her aunt would be unable to deal with anything supernatural that did arise.
Between a rock and a hard place. Population: Buffy, she thought to herself, but then an idea struck her. She wasn't sure it was a good idea and had strong inklings that it might actually be a bad one, but it was what she had to work with.
"Would you take him?" she finally blurted out.
"The hell I would," Angel seemed surprised that she would even ask, "My home has already been taken over as it is. I don't have the money or the ability to take care of anyone else."
Buffy replied, trying to sound as though she weren't pleading, "I could send you money. I guess I need to send some along anyway since you're taking care of the girls..."
"My answer is still no, but not to the money for the Slayers. You definitely need to send me that," Angel responded.
"Maybe I should ask Spike," Buffy lifted up her chin in a slightly.
"Don't you dare," Angel appeared stricken.
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him for a moment and then padded back to her hospital room.
Angel felt a brooding session looming. He was angry to be asked, but there was still the needling need to help Buffy. It just wasn't feasible for him to bring yet another innocent, young life into his home who had to be protected. He glanced through the observation window, and the gloomy cloud over his thoughts lifted slightly as he watched Spike talking to the baby. Angel never got the chance to see Connor's first steps, hear his first words, to teach him the joys of ice hockey, but he treasured what time he had with him now. Spike would never know what it was like to have a child of his own unless the Powers That Be decided to intervene in some way, and he had been having a homemaker-y paternal streak ever since they came back from Hell.A.
"Stop brooding. You're scaring the weebles," Spike stood in the doorway of the nursery, holding "Baby Boy Summers" as the name placard on his bassinet had dubbed him. "You can hold him if you promise to stop making that face."
"What face?"
"That 'I'm a big grumpy caveman' face."
"You're never getting sex again. Ever."
Spike raised an eyebrow at that before handing the baby to Angel, "Let's see how long that lasts."
*****
Buffy, freshly showered and dressed in her regular attire, was ready to leave the hospital after a few hours of rest despite the doctor and nurses on staff trying to convince her to stay a little longer. She was healthy, her baby was healthy, and she just wanted to get away from there. Wanting to leave, however, wasn't enough to get out of doing a mountain of paperwork. She was certain that the stack of forms she was filling out weighed more than her kid. She also did not want to think about the Acknowledgement of Paternity form that she kept pushing to the bottom of the pile.
"My hand's cramping. Who wants to write out forms in triplicate for me?" she said with a hopeful glance towards Spike and Angel who were still taking turns holding the baby after the very traumatic event of being immunized. "This is more painful than actually getting the bun out of the oven."
Angel couldn't resist a little dig, "Guess you're done baking now, huh?"
Buffy held back a more strongly-worded retort, "Oh, yeah, the bakery is officially closed."
Holding the paternity form in both hands, Buffy felt conflicted. It would be so simple to put down his name, but doing that would be admitting how much of a mistake it had been. Just a stupid one-nighter. It's not as though anyone would find out if she did write down the truth, but, in her mind, it would complicate things more than they already were.
Angel saw the saddened expression on Buffy's face as she poured over the papers, blank boxes where the father's name should be written in. The sight of her so lost tore into his heart. She didn't seem like the girl that made him want to better himself anymore, and there was an overwhelming sense of guilt at knowing that he was the one who made that girl disappear. His arm was around Spike's shoulders, and he allowed himself to finally admit that, though he loved them both, Spike was his home, his comfort, and who he wanted to spend the rest of his unnatural life with. He also knew he was going to regret the words he was about to say. Maybe it was due to a need to atone, or maybe Angel just had a weakness for cute blondes.
"Spike, I think Buffy had something she wanted to ask you," Angel said softly, rubbing his hand up and down the smaller vampire's arm.
Turning his head towards the Slayer, Spike said expectantly, "Yeah?"
Buffy was surprised and stammered for a few minutes before ultimately explaining what her intentions had been for her child. Instantly, Spike agreed to keep the baby though he quickly began to make sure that Buffy was positive about her decision. After listening to her fears, Spike was genuinely moved that she would ask him to have such responsibility. It was more than being a Champion for the world; it was being one for a friend.
"This isn't just to get out of doing paperwork, right?" Spike asked with a nervous laugh as he began filling out some of the forms while Buffy held her newborn son.
"I promise," she smiled.
Going over the still empty boxes on the papers, Spike said to Buffy, "What do you want to name the little nipper?"
Buffy suggested, "You should name him."
Thinking it over, Spike came up with a few options as he distractedly played with the pen cap, "... Nyler... Titus... Fess..."
Angel rolled his eyes, "Let's not give him a name that he'll get beat up over."
Spike pouted, "Fess is a very manly name."
"Not to this generation," the older vampire corrected.
"How about Henry? That was my grandfather's name," Spike offered, "and my middle name."
Buffy nodded, "I like it."
Spike started to write and spoke aloud, "Henry Aloysius Summers."
"Since he's going home with you, it might make things easier if he didn't have my last name."
"If that's the way you want it, then he's Henry Aloysius Pratt 'cause Angel won't tell me what his surname is," Spike nodded and then stage-whispered to Buffy, "I've got a sneaking suspicion that it's MacGyver."
"Not even close," Angel mumbled.
Spike teasingly ignored him in favor of the baby, "What do you think about your name, Henry? You now belong to a long, proud line of devilishly handsome academics with failed literary aspirations."
Henry seemed rather nonchalant about his adoption, preferring to yawn and then whimper until he was fed.
*****
It was almost one in the morning before everyone was settled back at the apartment. To prevent the baby from being stuck in an over-crowded car, Angel had to make two trips, one to bring the girls home and the other to pick up Spike, Buffy, and Henry. The hospital had been kind enough to loan them a car-seat until they got their own and, probably sensing their ill-preparedness, gave them a small care-package of baby supplies. It was really only enough to get them through the night, but Angel figured he could get an hour or so of sleep, get whatever remained undamaged from when Connor was a baby from the Hyperion, and then find a convenience store to get other necessities they needed until they could make a larger shopping trip.
Spike seemed very upbeat about having the baby in the house until he realized Henry had nowhere to sleep.
"We'll just clean out one of the dresser drawers," Angel offered.
"This isn't Little House on the Prairie," Spike sulked, "Maybe a laundry basket would be safer?"
Connor, perhaps a little more clearheadedly, produced a small, firm exercise mat from his room, "I think that this is less ridiculous."
After the girls and Connor had retired for the night and after yet another round of changing/feeding/cuddling the baby, Spike and Angel made a pallet on the living room floor so that they could be a safe distance from Henry while he was sleeping but still be close enough in case of any emergency. Buffy, however, could not get any rest. She sat on the couch, watching her son snooze peacefully. The apartment was completely quiet, no noise from the neighbours could be heard. It felt more like an actual home than any place she had lived since Sunnydale was sucked into the earth.
Quietly gathering the few items she brought with her, Buffy opened up one of her bags and pulled out an old stuffed pig. Call it selfish or call it an unconscious desire to make it out alive, Buffy had packed two things with her before she and all the former Potentials went down into the Hellmouth. No one else really had anything of their previous lives left, but she couldn't leave the items behind. There was a photo of herself, Joyce, and Dawn; one corner of the frame was bent and the glass scratched from being shoved into a bag of weaponry, and then there was Mr. Gordo. She couldn't remember when she got the stuffed animal or who gave it to her, but it was one of her oldest possessions. She had intended to leave them for her aunt to receive with the baby, but now he would be in Spike and Angel's care.
Buffy knelt in the floor and gently stroked the little curls on the Henry's head. She leaned down to kiss his brow, sitting Mr. Gordo next to his sleeping mat.
"You've got to take care of those two lunkheads, little guy," Buffy whispered, tilting her head towards Spike and Angel sleeping a few feet away. "I hope... Well, I guess I just hope."
An hour or so later, Henry began to cry. Spike and Angel bolted up at the same time.
Spike turned towards the couch, "Buffy, wake up. The kid's ready for titty time."
Angel chided, "You really shouldn't call breastfeeding that."
It took both vampires a few moments to realize that Buffy was no longer in the apartment. The family photo was on the coffee table, a folded piece of paper tucked under the frame.
"Didn't think she'd leave so soon," Angel exhaustedly got to his feet.
"I hate it when she leaves notes," Spike seemed totally lost as he held Henry to his chest. He looked at Angel for help, "What do I do?"
Angel looked over the letter and then went to the fridge. He opened the door to see two pre-made bottles were inside; the disposable breast-pump the hospital had given Buffy was in the trash.
"You keep holding him, and I'm going to warm up a bottle," Angel said as calmly as possible. "Welcome to fatherhood."
To be continued...
Previous Chapters: One :: Two :: Three :: Four :: Five :: Six :: Seven :: Eight.
x-posted on nekid_spike.
Author: fenderlove
Pairing: Spike/Angel
Rating: PG-13 for birth ookiness.
Summary: Spike and Angel are making a go of it after returning from Hell in Angel: After the Fall. Unfortunately, being a single vampire dad living with your pain-in-the-ass boyfriend and Journalism major son makes Hell seem almost preferable.
Acceptable Losses
Chapter Nine: In a Big Country.
While Buffy was calmly filling out paperwork in a wheelchair, her vampiric exes were pacing back and forth in St. Anne's Labor and Delivery waiting room. Spike kept tapping on the Admissions desk and asking when Buffy could have a bed. The in-take nurses kept assuring him that she would be taken to an open room as soon as possible. Angel, however, kept going between Buffy and the pay-phone. He'd run through all of his loose change calling the apartment to find out if Connor had gotten home. The girls, to their credit, were trying to sit as still and quiet as possible.
"Spike, leave the staff alone," Buffy said as she tried to decide which address she should list on her personal information, the clipboard of paperwork balanced precariously on her baby-bump. "My water broke, but I'm still in the early stages of labor. It could be hours before the baby is born."
Spike turned to her, his face awash with concern, "But-"
"No," she interrupted him and pointed to an empty seat near her. "Sit. You're making me nervous."
Nodding, Spike did as he was told, but that lasted for all of five minutes before he was up and pacing again.
"Be useful," Buffy handed Spike the clipboard, which he dutifully took to the Admissions desk.
Twenty minutes of frustration and anxiety followed before Buffy was taken to a small but pleasant-looking birthing room. She demanded everyone wait in the hallway while she spoke to the obstetrician on duty, changed into the gown and rubber-soled socks the hospital provided, and was given a preliminary examination. Both Angel and Spike hovered outside the door impatiently.
"How long does having a baby take?" Florence asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"It seemed like it took a really long time for my mom to deliver my little brother," Daisy responded and then looked up at Angel, "What was it like when Connor was born?"
Angel swallowed a small lump in his throat and didn't know how to answer that question simply, "Connor wasn't really..."
"Connor wasn't born in a typical way, Pet," Spike finished for him, and Angel was grateful for it, leaning over to place a small kiss on the scar trisecting Spike's right eyebrow.
After finishing the exam, the OB/GYN opened the door and beckoned everyone into the room.
"This is quite a crowd," the doctor smiled as the girls went to take seats around Buffy's bed. "Good question to get out of the way is who's staying? Everyone?"
The four young Slayers all paled a little.
"No," Buffy replied and gestured towards Spike and Angel, "Just the menfolk."
"Both of us can stay?" Angel asked.
"The days of only one person being allowed in the delivery room are long over. When Buffy gets ready for the final stages of labor, the young ladies can step outside, and you two can stay," the doctor said. "We want Buffy to be as comfortable as possible. She can get up and walk around, watch TV, have a snack, and pretty soon she'll get to see her baby."
Once the OB/GYN left the room, Buffy groaned, rubbing her hands over her face, "I haven't felt any contractions."
Spike quirked an eyebrow, "Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?"
"Well, it means I've been in labor a lot longer than I thought 'cause I am very dilated," Buffy frowned, "Very dilated."
After more agonizing anticipation, Buffy did eventually begin to feel some discomfort and pressure, though she declined an epidural or any pain medications. Suggesting that Spike take the girls to grab some food and bring her back some ice cream of any Hagan Daas variety, Buffy waited until they were gone to grab her overnight bag, take out her wallet, and hand Angel a scrap of paper with a phone number scribbled on it.
"This is my Aunt Lolly's number. She lives in Modesto, and I want you to call her after the baby is born, okay?" Buffy's tone was extremely serious and very rushed.
A realization dawned on Angel, "You're not keeping the baby, are you?"
Though he did not sound admonishing, Buffy still took to the defense, "Look, it's not that I don't want to keep the baby, but I can't."
"That's why you came down here pretty much alone," Angel's brow furrowed, "Just what are you planning on telling your friends when you arrived back in Europe sans kid?"
"I was going to tell them the truth, that I gave the baby to my aunt. Dawn already knows," Buffy's voice took on a very hard edge, not liking what she felt Angel was accusing her of. "I can't give this baby anything. You don't understand."
Angel sat on the bed, "I do understand, Buffy, more than you know."
"How? Because you've got your cute son with his cute collegiate career ahead of him?"
Staring at her, Angel fumbled for words for a moment," How did you know?"
"He looks like you. Duh," came the reply.
Anger finally spilled over into his voice as Angel spoke, "Let me tell you about Connor. I loved him from the moment he was born, and I loved him even as a person I trusted stole him from me. I loved him when he came back from a hell dimension as a teenager and ready to kill me, and I love him still now that he's a straight A student with two sets of memories, two separate families, and that he's technically under fours years old in our time."
Buffy stared down at her distended abdomen, her eyes getting somewhat misty as she quietly repeated, "You don't understand..."
"I would not trade having Connor for anything in the world, but I wish I could have stopped the horrible things that happened to him," Angel's expression softened, and he took one of Buffy's hands in his own, remembering for the first time how deceptively fragile it seemed, "I'm sorry. I... I'm sure that your aunt will take good care of the baby, and if that's what you want, you should do it."
"I know that no matter what I do something bad could still happen," Buffy's expression was one of extreme forlornness. "I'm more worried that I won't be able to love-"
"I've got ice cream in three different flavors for the lady who's entered her confinement," Spike grinned as he pushed the door open with his shoulder.
Buffy tried to straighten herself up a little in the bed, but Spike noticed something was off, "Are you in a lot of pain?"
"Ice cream will fix it since a kabosh got put on the cupcakes," she said, reaching for one of the pints. "Where are the girls?"
"Enjoying a few slices of pizza down in the commissary. They'll be back up when they're done," Spike joined Buffy and Angel on the bed.
Digging into the ice cream, Buffy managed a smile, "I wanted to thank you, both of you, for taking care of the girls. They really like staying with you."
"They're good kids," Spike nodded and then held up a spoonful of vanilla ice cream to Angel's mouth.
"Stop that," Angel pushed Spike's hand away before eventually relenting after much whining that the third pint would melt if he didn't eat it.
As the contractions continued at various intensities, Buffy grew restless from sitting in the bed. Spike and Angel took turns helping her walk about the room though she threatened them with great bodily harm if they purposefully tried to untie the fasteners of her gown off a joke Spike made about hospital fashion. The OB/GYN made numerous visits, checking on Buffy's progress and generally being overly cheerful. The girls returned from their wanderings with a brightly-coloured gift box. They had pooled what little pocket money they had and bought Buffy a fluffy pink robe. She was truly touched by the simple gift and managed to put on a happy face despite her pain.
It was about the time that the four young Slayers left to sit in the larger waiting area in the ward that Buffy announced in a rather growly voice, "I need to push. I don't care if the doctor tells me not to. I am going to start pushing."
"You should have accepted the drugs," Spike told her as Angel went to go find the doctor, "You could be dancing in sunshine right now and not feelin' a thing."
"Don't make me stake you with a tongue depressor," the Slayer responded, gripping the sheets, trying to turn on her side to alleviate some of her discomfort as the contradictions began to come on top of one another, giving her no rest period in between.
Spike laughed good-naturedly, rubbing her back gently, "That's the thanks I get for bringing you dessert in bed."
"Sure, you're a saint," Buffy snorted, "You are the most saintly sainted saint of all saintness. Now where are my ice chips?"
"I can tell you where you could shove some ice chips, but there's currently a baby making its descent from there," Spike smirked. "Speaking of your soon-to-be bundle of joy, have you thought any more about names?"
"I'm a little busy at the moment," Buffy groaned, her breathing becoming heavier.
"You haven't thought about it at all, have you? This kid can't just be Baby Summers its entire life..." Spike paused, "I guess it could though. Buffy Summers, Baby Summers. It's kind of cute. You know what else is a cute name? Spike. Kendall on All My Children named her baby Spike, and he's right adorable."
The OB/GYN came into the room after knocking on the door, trailed closely by a nervous Angel. After donning a new pair of gloves, the doctor pulled up a seat as Buffy turned over onto her back.
"All right, Buffy, let's take a look at how you're doing," the doctor said as she pushed up Buffy's hospital gown a little. "It looks like you're fully dilated already. Wow, you've progressed very quickly for a first-timer."
"Buffy's a bit of an over-achiever," Spike carefully brushed a few strands of hair away from the Slayer's damp forehead.
Buffy glared at him though she did appreciate him being there, "Bite me."
After calling for an attending nurse to assist, the OB/GYN instructed Spike and Angel to allow Buffy to press her feet against their hands for leverage as she began to push. With Angel to her right and Spike at her left, Buffy felt some of her apprehension ease as each vampire held one of her feet and one of her hands. When told to push at last, Buffy gave it her all, hoping to get relief sooner rather than later. Spike winced as Buffy's nails dug in his skin as she forced herself to lean forward; his gaze flicked up to see Angel mirroring his pain. Her feet pressed into their palms with enough force to make both men worry that their shoulders were in danger of being unhinged.
Angel had once dreamed of being with Buffy as she was now. It was an impossible dream back then, that she would live long enough to have a child or that he could ever father one. He'd been proven wrong on both counts. Who would have ever have guessed that Angelus, Scourge of Europe, and William the Bloody would ever be helping a Slayer usher her firstborn into the world. It was strange and terrifying to him, but not completely unpleasant.
The doctor warned Buffy to slow down, to let nature tell her when to push. Buffy, sweating profusely, shouted out several choice expletives about that idea, but it did not seem to faze the medical staff who had probably heard far worse. When the OB/GYN announced that the baby's head was crowning, Spike's curiosity was peaked, and he couldn't help but sneak a glance.
"Dear God, it's a like a wet Saint Bernard trying to come through a cat-door," he instantly regretting looking, but he somehow could not turn away.
Angel couldn't resist taking a look as well, "There's more blood and fluid than I thought there'd be."
"Stop staring, you pervs!" Buffy snapped, seriously considering breaking a few of their fingers to get her point across.
The doctor asked the nurse for a bulbed syringe to clear the baby's airway as its head emerged and, once finished, said, "Okay, I need you to push one more time."
Buffy nodded, trying to keep her breathing even as she pushed, feeling a rush of relief as the rest of the baby's body left her, though the tug of contractions were still slightly uncomfortable. Quickly rubbing the baby with a towel, the nurse helped the doctor rest the baby on Buffy's lower abdomen. The tiny creature squirmed a little and let out a small wobbly wail.
Angel smiled, "It's a boy."
"And he's ginger!" Spike exclaimed with a big grin once the blood was cleaned from the baby's head revealing a fine crop of wispy reddish-blonde curls.
"Who wants to cut the cord?" the doctor asked as she got the umbilical clamp in place.
When neither Spike nor Angel made a move to take the surgical scissors, Buffy extended her hand, "I'll do it."
Once the baby was completely free, he was bundled up more thoroughly in receiving towels, and Buffy held him to her chest. He was very pink and quite loud, but he was beautiful. Eventually, the baby calmed, and Buffy glanced at each of her vampires. They shared a kind of awe at the wriggling bundle.
"You did brilliantly, Luv," Spike leaned down to kiss her forehead.
Buffy laughed a little, "You're only saying that because I was almost ripped in two."
"Well, I certainly wouldn't want something this big coming out of me," he replied as he stroked the pad of his thumb over the baby's cheek.
Spike watched the little boy's chest rise and fall with each breath, his tiny fingers and toes clenched up, eyes shut, his bottom lip stuck out in a cute pout. The kid looked like he was ready to punch something, not that Spike could blame him after the ordeal he had just been through. The blonde vampire searched for Buffy's features in the boy's face and thought that his nose resembled hers, but that might change once the squinchiness of his features evened out or, perhaps, he just had his father's features.
After all the messy afterbirth necessities were taken care of and Buffy was given the chance to feed her son, the doctor offered to take the baby to the nursery so that Buffy could get some rest. As the staff left with the baby safe inside a plexiglass bassinet, Buffy noticed that Spike tugged slightly on her hand.
"You can keep an eye on him, if you want," Buffy smiled. "I'm probably just going to sleep for a few days."
Spike laughed as he gave Buffy's hand an affectionate squeeze, "I'll make sure he's not hitting on the nurses."
"Let's pray that he'll wait to be a few hours old before he elopes," she replied as Spike left the room.
Angel kissed the top of Buffy's head, "Congrats."
"Thank you," Buffy relaxed against her pillows, holding onto Angel's hand until her grip slackened in sleep.
Leaving her to get a few million winks, Angel quietly walked out to the ward's waiting room. The girls were dozing in the tangle of chairs they had arranged together. He took the chance to try calling Connor again from the pay-phone and was finally able to reach his son. Connor sounded a little disappointed that he had missed the excitement but relieved at the same time. When Angel was finished on the phone, he walked back to Buffy's room and peered in, but she wasn't in her bed. He almost panicked, fearing that she had skipped out, but a quick check of the halls ended that. Buffy was standing outside of the nursery, wearing her new robe and looking through the large observation window at Spike who was being shown by the nurses how to hold the baby properly. The blonde vampire appeared very out of place sitting in a rocking chair amongst the pink and blue wrapped bundles as he held tight to the littlest Summers.
Buffy was smiling softly as she looked up at Angel, "If there ever was a fish out of water..."
"He'd just work around having gills," Angel fought back some of the feelings that swelled in his chest as he watched Spike kiss the baby's nose.
"Did you know that some Slayers have had kids before?"
"No, never thought it came with the territory," but then Angel added, "I did think about if you wanted them when we were together."
Buffy continued, "The second Slayer that Spike killed had a son. He was very young when she died."
Angel did not know how to respond to that. He wondered how Buffy could so casually say the words while Spike held her child in his arms, but he figured it was the same way he never thought twice about Spike being around Connor. There wasn't anything to fear besides Spike giving someone bad habits.
"I met him- Robin. He grew up thinking that his mother chose being a Slayer over being with him, that the mission was more important," Buffy paused, pulling her robe tighter around her body, "I don't know if she truly felt that way, but the thing is that Robin believes she did. He grew up with so much rage inside of him... I don't want that for my son."
"You can't protect him from the world. Believe me, I tried," Angel replied. "You do the best you can and hope that your love can see him through."
Buffy bit the inside of her cheek, "What if I can't love him enough?"
Angel's brow furrowed.
"If it came down between the world or my child, I know which one I'd pick, and it makes me feel sick inside," Buffy looked so ashamed to even admit that to herself.
"You've got more options in this besides choosing between being a 'bad mother' or a 'bad Slayer.' You can be good at both," Angel really didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound like a cliched platitude.
What could he tell her? That Connor had to die at his own hands to be reborn into a better life away from demons and fighting just to be able to function in normal society? No, that would not be helpful. Angel had no right to try to allay her fears, which were valid and justified. Angel knew that a million horrific scenarios had probably run through Buffy's mind, keeping her awake, plaguing her thoughts; he had gone through the very same, and he knew those worries never fully stop.
Spike finally looked up to see them at the observation window. His expression was that of pure happiness. He held up the baby so that they could see the blue receiving blanket and matching toque the nurses had put on the newborn.
"I've never seen him smile like that," Buffy sighed, mentally noting that, as a new mother, she should be the one looking so thrilled.
Angel said warmly, "Spike's got a little bundle of you to keep to himself for a few minutes so, of course, he looks happy. He's just fallen in love again."
Off the look Buffy gave him, Angel continued, "Spike loves that baby because he's yours. He doesn't need any more reason than that. Nevermind the fact that he could love a scrap of cardboard if there was the tiniest possibility it could love him back."
"That's a mean thing to say," Buffy frowned. "You love Spike in return, don't you?"
After taking more time than he would ever admit to mulling the question over, Angel affirmed, "I do, but I'm not good with laying my emotions out there for the world to see. Spike does whether he wants to or not. Love is just his thing. It's sort of his gift, I guess."
His gift? Buffy felt a tight knot in her stomach as she remembered what her gift was supposed to be. She had been dreading this day since she learned she was pregnant. Her greatest fear was that she would see her newborn and feel absolutely nothing for him, but now she was afraid of what she did feel, that her new love would crush her. She wanted him to be safe and protected, to have the life that a random occurrence of demonic essence had denied her. Buffy felt the only way to ensure his safety would be to keep him away from her, but at the same time, she worried that her aunt would be unable to deal with anything supernatural that did arise.
Between a rock and a hard place. Population: Buffy, she thought to herself, but then an idea struck her. She wasn't sure it was a good idea and had strong inklings that it might actually be a bad one, but it was what she had to work with.
"Would you take him?" she finally blurted out.
"The hell I would," Angel seemed surprised that she would even ask, "My home has already been taken over as it is. I don't have the money or the ability to take care of anyone else."
Buffy replied, trying to sound as though she weren't pleading, "I could send you money. I guess I need to send some along anyway since you're taking care of the girls..."
"My answer is still no, but not to the money for the Slayers. You definitely need to send me that," Angel responded.
"Maybe I should ask Spike," Buffy lifted up her chin in a slightly.
"Don't you dare," Angel appeared stricken.
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him for a moment and then padded back to her hospital room.
Angel felt a brooding session looming. He was angry to be asked, but there was still the needling need to help Buffy. It just wasn't feasible for him to bring yet another innocent, young life into his home who had to be protected. He glanced through the observation window, and the gloomy cloud over his thoughts lifted slightly as he watched Spike talking to the baby. Angel never got the chance to see Connor's first steps, hear his first words, to teach him the joys of ice hockey, but he treasured what time he had with him now. Spike would never know what it was like to have a child of his own unless the Powers That Be decided to intervene in some way, and he had been having a homemaker-y paternal streak ever since they came back from Hell.A.
"Stop brooding. You're scaring the weebles," Spike stood in the doorway of the nursery, holding "Baby Boy Summers" as the name placard on his bassinet had dubbed him. "You can hold him if you promise to stop making that face."
"What face?"
"That 'I'm a big grumpy caveman' face."
"You're never getting sex again. Ever."
Spike raised an eyebrow at that before handing the baby to Angel, "Let's see how long that lasts."
*****
Buffy, freshly showered and dressed in her regular attire, was ready to leave the hospital after a few hours of rest despite the doctor and nurses on staff trying to convince her to stay a little longer. She was healthy, her baby was healthy, and she just wanted to get away from there. Wanting to leave, however, wasn't enough to get out of doing a mountain of paperwork. She was certain that the stack of forms she was filling out weighed more than her kid. She also did not want to think about the Acknowledgement of Paternity form that she kept pushing to the bottom of the pile.
"My hand's cramping. Who wants to write out forms in triplicate for me?" she said with a hopeful glance towards Spike and Angel who were still taking turns holding the baby after the very traumatic event of being immunized. "This is more painful than actually getting the bun out of the oven."
Angel couldn't resist a little dig, "Guess you're done baking now, huh?"
Buffy held back a more strongly-worded retort, "Oh, yeah, the bakery is officially closed."
Holding the paternity form in both hands, Buffy felt conflicted. It would be so simple to put down his name, but doing that would be admitting how much of a mistake it had been. Just a stupid one-nighter. It's not as though anyone would find out if she did write down the truth, but, in her mind, it would complicate things more than they already were.
Angel saw the saddened expression on Buffy's face as she poured over the papers, blank boxes where the father's name should be written in. The sight of her so lost tore into his heart. She didn't seem like the girl that made him want to better himself anymore, and there was an overwhelming sense of guilt at knowing that he was the one who made that girl disappear. His arm was around Spike's shoulders, and he allowed himself to finally admit that, though he loved them both, Spike was his home, his comfort, and who he wanted to spend the rest of his unnatural life with. He also knew he was going to regret the words he was about to say. Maybe it was due to a need to atone, or maybe Angel just had a weakness for cute blondes.
"Spike, I think Buffy had something she wanted to ask you," Angel said softly, rubbing his hand up and down the smaller vampire's arm.
Turning his head towards the Slayer, Spike said expectantly, "Yeah?"
Buffy was surprised and stammered for a few minutes before ultimately explaining what her intentions had been for her child. Instantly, Spike agreed to keep the baby though he quickly began to make sure that Buffy was positive about her decision. After listening to her fears, Spike was genuinely moved that she would ask him to have such responsibility. It was more than being a Champion for the world; it was being one for a friend.
"This isn't just to get out of doing paperwork, right?" Spike asked with a nervous laugh as he began filling out some of the forms while Buffy held her newborn son.
"I promise," she smiled.
Going over the still empty boxes on the papers, Spike said to Buffy, "What do you want to name the little nipper?"
Buffy suggested, "You should name him."
Thinking it over, Spike came up with a few options as he distractedly played with the pen cap, "... Nyler... Titus... Fess..."
Angel rolled his eyes, "Let's not give him a name that he'll get beat up over."
Spike pouted, "Fess is a very manly name."
"Not to this generation," the older vampire corrected.
"How about Henry? That was my grandfather's name," Spike offered, "and my middle name."
Buffy nodded, "I like it."
Spike started to write and spoke aloud, "Henry Aloysius Summers."
"Since he's going home with you, it might make things easier if he didn't have my last name."
"If that's the way you want it, then he's Henry Aloysius Pratt 'cause Angel won't tell me what his surname is," Spike nodded and then stage-whispered to Buffy, "I've got a sneaking suspicion that it's MacGyver."
"Not even close," Angel mumbled.
Spike teasingly ignored him in favor of the baby, "What do you think about your name, Henry? You now belong to a long, proud line of devilishly handsome academics with failed literary aspirations."
Henry seemed rather nonchalant about his adoption, preferring to yawn and then whimper until he was fed.
*****
It was almost one in the morning before everyone was settled back at the apartment. To prevent the baby from being stuck in an over-crowded car, Angel had to make two trips, one to bring the girls home and the other to pick up Spike, Buffy, and Henry. The hospital had been kind enough to loan them a car-seat until they got their own and, probably sensing their ill-preparedness, gave them a small care-package of baby supplies. It was really only enough to get them through the night, but Angel figured he could get an hour or so of sleep, get whatever remained undamaged from when Connor was a baby from the Hyperion, and then find a convenience store to get other necessities they needed until they could make a larger shopping trip.
Spike seemed very upbeat about having the baby in the house until he realized Henry had nowhere to sleep.
"We'll just clean out one of the dresser drawers," Angel offered.
"This isn't Little House on the Prairie," Spike sulked, "Maybe a laundry basket would be safer?"
Connor, perhaps a little more clearheadedly, produced a small, firm exercise mat from his room, "I think that this is less ridiculous."
After the girls and Connor had retired for the night and after yet another round of changing/feeding/cuddling the baby, Spike and Angel made a pallet on the living room floor so that they could be a safe distance from Henry while he was sleeping but still be close enough in case of any emergency. Buffy, however, could not get any rest. She sat on the couch, watching her son snooze peacefully. The apartment was completely quiet, no noise from the neighbours could be heard. It felt more like an actual home than any place she had lived since Sunnydale was sucked into the earth.
Quietly gathering the few items she brought with her, Buffy opened up one of her bags and pulled out an old stuffed pig. Call it selfish or call it an unconscious desire to make it out alive, Buffy had packed two things with her before she and all the former Potentials went down into the Hellmouth. No one else really had anything of their previous lives left, but she couldn't leave the items behind. There was a photo of herself, Joyce, and Dawn; one corner of the frame was bent and the glass scratched from being shoved into a bag of weaponry, and then there was Mr. Gordo. She couldn't remember when she got the stuffed animal or who gave it to her, but it was one of her oldest possessions. She had intended to leave them for her aunt to receive with the baby, but now he would be in Spike and Angel's care.
Buffy knelt in the floor and gently stroked the little curls on the Henry's head. She leaned down to kiss his brow, sitting Mr. Gordo next to his sleeping mat.
"You've got to take care of those two lunkheads, little guy," Buffy whispered, tilting her head towards Spike and Angel sleeping a few feet away. "I hope... Well, I guess I just hope."
An hour or so later, Henry began to cry. Spike and Angel bolted up at the same time.
Spike turned towards the couch, "Buffy, wake up. The kid's ready for titty time."
Angel chided, "You really shouldn't call breastfeeding that."
It took both vampires a few moments to realize that Buffy was no longer in the apartment. The family photo was on the coffee table, a folded piece of paper tucked under the frame.
"Didn't think she'd leave so soon," Angel exhaustedly got to his feet.
"I hate it when she leaves notes," Spike seemed totally lost as he held Henry to his chest. He looked at Angel for help, "What do I do?"
Angel looked over the letter and then went to the fridge. He opened the door to see two pre-made bottles were inside; the disposable breast-pump the hospital had given Buffy was in the trash.
"You keep holding him, and I'm going to warm up a bottle," Angel said as calmly as possible. "Welcome to fatherhood."
To be continued...
Previous Chapters: One :: Two :: Three :: Four :: Five :: Six :: Seven :: Eight.
x-posted on nekid_spike.