Been a long since I rock n rolled
It has been a while since I wrote on these once busy walls, and I doubt I will now start writing that frequently, but I just felt the need to write more than a normal facebook note.
I think I can safely say my mid life isn't going great.
Ok I do have a job, for now (at risk of redundancy).
I also have my own place to live (unless I get made redundant and can't afford the rent anymore).
After that it's not so great: My health is ok, but I do keep injuring myself. My hip will never be right again without surgery which could make it worse and at the moment I have a wrist injury that is stopping me playing the guitar.
I have given up drinking, which is great, but with all the above it's probably one of the few positives I actually have in my life at the moment.
My musical interests just seemed to have stalled completely. My band never practices, whch is not a big problem as we couldn't get gigs anyway. Ok, so I could do more solo acoustic stuff, which is nice, but I like playing loud, electric music, it is one of those things I truly love doing and strumming an acoustic guitar just isn't the same as holding onto a screaming Les Paul whilst a lunatic drummer and grooving bass player thunder underneath.
I'm also hardly rich, partly due to poor financial management and spending too much on beer and fags down the years, but I think that's manageable and improving. I'm far from the poverty line.
I've actually been off work this week, and it's not been great, despite the nice weather. I've just felt so constrained by myself and my injuries and worries about my employment future that I've felt very unmotivated and low.
Today I got to spend time with some lovely people and even their excellent company has failed to lift me out of the funk for longer the time I was with them.
I'm deeply frustrated because I can't do very much, worried about the future and just feel so massively alone once I'm back here in my little flat.
I am, lets be honest, a little down. I'm finding it hard to be positive and that's rubbish.
So that is the current state of me. No matter the things I have done to try and improve me and my life, things just appear to get worse; but don't worry, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. Tomorrow is a new day and things will be done.