Ramblings of a Deranged Mind
So I thought I'd start writing and just type whatever came out in the order it did. So here goes.
· I'm doing nothing for New Years. I keep hearing people and their plans and me - none. I just want to sit at home. I don't feel like dealing with crowds. I don't feel like dealing with strangers. Oh yeah, and I'm broke. So me and Ulyssa will sit at home. We're making our own party damnit.
·
· I'm broke. And I'm not broke cause of me. Well, yes because of me. I'm broke because I'm so nice. Because people come to me in need and I extend my help. And then of course, I get screwed over. So I say I'll never do it again. But I do. And then I get mad. So it's my own fault. So instead of buying myself a nice Christmas gift, I let someone borrow money. And it's worse when it's family. I intend to spend my money on me in 2008. Yes, I make good money, but I make it for ME! Not to be 'giving' it away.
· Tomorrow it will be three months that Puerto Rico and I met in person and started seeing each other. For the past two months, I've pretty much been at his place every night. The only times I haven't stayed there is when I've been out of town and once when I was tipsy and I didn't want to drive - but he came over to me. I find myself now emotionally invested. And I don't like it. Cause when that happens I tend to give 150%. And then, of course, I get screwed over. Or at least I don't get 150% back. So I find myself giving a lot, and then feeling like I'm being taken advantage of. But then I think that it's self imposed because he doesn't ask me to do those things. I do them by my free will. So how can I feel taken advantage of?
· Since we're on the subject of Puerto Rico - I have very few negatives that I can say about him. I enjoy the time that we spend together. He makes me laugh. He's held me when I've cried. He is awesome, that's why I'm there. But he has a strong personality. And so do I. I can see us seriously fighting, although we haven't even had a disagreement (yet). But it's only been three months. There's still a few left of 'paradise' before reality sets in.
· It seems that I often date men that are less successful than I am. I don't have a problem with this specifically. I think it's because I judge people by where they want to be and what they are doing to be there, verses where they are. So I don't care if someone makes less money than I do. As long as they want to advance and are trying to, I take that into consideration. But at the same time, because I am more successful, I often feel that men are intimidated by this. I guess I don't really understand why. And if anyone wants to fill me in, please do.
· I have a female friend who if I had to say, is my best friend here in Dallas. I love her dearly and she's a doll. However, there is one thing about her that I'm sorta disliking lately, especially since Puerto Rico entered the picture. She is jealous. She actually gets jealous about the time I spend with Puerto Rico. Not only Puerto Rico, but other friends as well. And I just don't get it. Maybe, and I mean maybe, I can understand the other friends. But Puerto Rico? I mean, he works second shift and I only see him when I go over to spend the night usually after 11pm. It's not like I'd be spending time with her at 11pm. I still love her and I don't think ill of her. I just think it's weird. But whatever.
· Whatever. That's a lot of how I've been feeling lately. It's almost like the word defines me right now. That annoys me. I find myself often annoyed. That can't be good. I mean, how good is it when little things annoy you? See, I've done gone and annoyed myself. I'm out.