Before
It’s funny how seven years seems like so much when you’re little. A nine year old seems all grown up when you’re two. A twenty year old is your mentor when you’re thirteen.
But, when you’re twenty two and she’s twenty nine, the gap seems pretty darn small.
And even though you idolized her ever since you can remember (even the time where you both got in trouble by her father - when he was still alive), suddenly, she seems a little more your age.
A little less far away.
And it scares you because her touch gives you goose bumps now.
2.
You remember the time she wanted to cut her hair short and you offered to do it. You remember how accepted you felt by her, so happy someone as awesome as she would trust you.
The same memory ties your stomach in knots now.
And you wish you could do it again.
She babysat you one night, when your parents were at dinner. She tucked you under the covers, smoothed your hair, and kissed you goodnight.
Funny how your heart aches for that kiss.
3.
You didn’t really want to cry when she walked by you, even though your heart kept breaking.
She asked what was wrong and your heart almost stopped.
You thought your chest couldn’t get any tighter.
You wish you could tell her.
But you couldn’t tell her.
It makes you cry harder.
She pats your shoulder and you shove her away.
It’s not your intention to be mean - it’s just too much.
She stands silently and walks away.
In your mind you call her back,
But you know she can’t hear you.
And for some reason, you can’t voice the words.
You remember how you used to tell her everything, when you would sit cross-legged on the carpet and tell stories.
You hung on to every word she said then too.
You wish you could just gather the courage and invite her over again,
But you can’t.
And you long for the days when you could.
Funny how much you love her now.
You wish you’d realized that before.
But, when you’re twenty two and she’s twenty nine, the gap seems pretty darn small.
And even though you idolized her ever since you can remember (even the time where you both got in trouble by her father - when he was still alive), suddenly, she seems a little more your age.
A little less far away.
And it scares you because her touch gives you goose bumps now.
2.
You remember the time she wanted to cut her hair short and you offered to do it. You remember how accepted you felt by her, so happy someone as awesome as she would trust you.
The same memory ties your stomach in knots now.
And you wish you could do it again.
She babysat you one night, when your parents were at dinner. She tucked you under the covers, smoothed your hair, and kissed you goodnight.
Funny how your heart aches for that kiss.
3.
You didn’t really want to cry when she walked by you, even though your heart kept breaking.
She asked what was wrong and your heart almost stopped.
You thought your chest couldn’t get any tighter.
You wish you could tell her.
But you couldn’t tell her.
It makes you cry harder.
She pats your shoulder and you shove her away.
It’s not your intention to be mean - it’s just too much.
She stands silently and walks away.
In your mind you call her back,
But you know she can’t hear you.
And for some reason, you can’t voice the words.
You remember how you used to tell her everything, when you would sit cross-legged on the carpet and tell stories.
You hung on to every word she said then too.
You wish you could just gather the courage and invite her over again,
But you can’t.
And you long for the days when you could.
Funny how much you love her now.
You wish you’d realized that before.