They're driven by a strange desire.
I can't sleep. Surprise surprise. But it's okay. I am undeniably inspired to write. I don't know why it took me so long to feel it again, but I guess that's not something I can really have much of a say in - inspiration, and when it comes.
I mean I've been writing all damn evening. Pretty much before I started making dinner, then the feeling just stuck around (which it NEVER does). My cycles of motivation astound me... The ONE night I have to go to bed early in like four days and I get struck with this desire to use my words like clay and sculpt. And to no end as well. Now that the writing portion of my actual school work is finished, all I want to do is write more.
And thus, livejournal was born.
Heh.
I like being in this heightened state I'm in. And all that's behind it is caffeine. For real. But I'm listening to this song right now and I can FEEL every note. It's like being pulled up and down with the melody from every tiny place in me. And when it swells... hocrap, when it SWELLS and the layers of sound stack on top of one another and overlap, it's almost more than I can take! I love this feeling. I can't believe I went without feeling my music for so long...
Here's why:
So when I was still um.. blossoming.. my voice was super super awkward and I went to drastic lengths to try train it, like a singer would, and I did so by diving into the lyrics and vocals every time I got in my car or had music on so I could practice my voice. Hmm... Anyway I gave myself this habit of just grabbing music by the lyrics and pulling that out so it was all I paid attention to after a while. Just so I could sing along. What I didn't foresee happening was a total detachment from the pure experience people gain from listening to music that truly moves them. I had stopped being moved!
When I became aware of this, I. was. horrified. It was shattering and immediately moved me to tears, when I found the feeling again. I felt like I had been estranged from a beloved friend and companion for YEARS and had actually forgotten about them entirely. Then one day, that friend knocked on my door and let themself in.
All the feelings I had missed hit me like a torrent and I could not physically move. I was reborn. Again! Fuck, I and there I thought I had it all figured out.
This was all about two or three months ago that I made this complete shift. Since then it's only gotten stronger, more intense and more moving, because I have been revisiting music I thought I'd never touch or rarely would put in just for nostalgia's sake. What I found then haunts me. Almost ALL of the music that I had found during my transition, where I was doing massive vocal-habit-rewiring was actually not doing it for me anymore. And it wasn't just cus I played it out. I just plain DIDN'T move from it. Those tiny points weren't being pulled at all. It felt flat, empty, even boring! Flabberghastery! And conversely, the music that I had set down during that period and left aside came back into the cycle with a profound effect. Entire GENRES of music that I had since set aside, harder rock for instance, was once again tugging on those tiny points. A million complex wiring points, mostly in my chest, began to fire again and twist up through my head where most of the sound was reverberating. All that was astounding, but what I found to be the most surprising was the effects music had begun to take on my very spirit when I listened properly.
In every aspect of my life I have begun to shift, as a result of this, and tune into. I underwent a sort of rewiring recently with music as my guide in order to make myself a more aware person. There have been startling results.
*I pay much more attention when people are talking.
*My reading comprehension has increased.
*I'm more confident.
*I am engaged considerably more often in what I am doing.
*Concentration is easier and more natural.
*I am happier.
No shit.
So I urge you, friends of mine, when you're stressing out or bumming out or just plain foggy in the brainpan, sit down with a CD you haven't heard in a while. Put on some headphones or something if you must. It has to be loud. You have to truly listen and clear your mind, just focus on the music. You might learn shit about yourself you didn't think possible.
Oh god this is starting to sound like a salespitch or some motivational seminar shit. Ack. Well anyways...
I mean I've been writing all damn evening. Pretty much before I started making dinner, then the feeling just stuck around (which it NEVER does). My cycles of motivation astound me... The ONE night I have to go to bed early in like four days and I get struck with this desire to use my words like clay and sculpt. And to no end as well. Now that the writing portion of my actual school work is finished, all I want to do is write more.
And thus, livejournal was born.
Heh.
I like being in this heightened state I'm in. And all that's behind it is caffeine. For real. But I'm listening to this song right now and I can FEEL every note. It's like being pulled up and down with the melody from every tiny place in me. And when it swells... hocrap, when it SWELLS and the layers of sound stack on top of one another and overlap, it's almost more than I can take! I love this feeling. I can't believe I went without feeling my music for so long...
Here's why:
So when I was still um.. blossoming.. my voice was super super awkward and I went to drastic lengths to try train it, like a singer would, and I did so by diving into the lyrics and vocals every time I got in my car or had music on so I could practice my voice. Hmm... Anyway I gave myself this habit of just grabbing music by the lyrics and pulling that out so it was all I paid attention to after a while. Just so I could sing along. What I didn't foresee happening was a total detachment from the pure experience people gain from listening to music that truly moves them. I had stopped being moved!
When I became aware of this, I. was. horrified. It was shattering and immediately moved me to tears, when I found the feeling again. I felt like I had been estranged from a beloved friend and companion for YEARS and had actually forgotten about them entirely. Then one day, that friend knocked on my door and let themself in.
All the feelings I had missed hit me like a torrent and I could not physically move. I was reborn. Again! Fuck, I and there I thought I had it all figured out.
This was all about two or three months ago that I made this complete shift. Since then it's only gotten stronger, more intense and more moving, because I have been revisiting music I thought I'd never touch or rarely would put in just for nostalgia's sake. What I found then haunts me. Almost ALL of the music that I had found during my transition, where I was doing massive vocal-habit-rewiring was actually not doing it for me anymore. And it wasn't just cus I played it out. I just plain DIDN'T move from it. Those tiny points weren't being pulled at all. It felt flat, empty, even boring! Flabberghastery! And conversely, the music that I had set down during that period and left aside came back into the cycle with a profound effect. Entire GENRES of music that I had since set aside, harder rock for instance, was once again tugging on those tiny points. A million complex wiring points, mostly in my chest, began to fire again and twist up through my head where most of the sound was reverberating. All that was astounding, but what I found to be the most surprising was the effects music had begun to take on my very spirit when I listened properly.
In every aspect of my life I have begun to shift, as a result of this, and tune into. I underwent a sort of rewiring recently with music as my guide in order to make myself a more aware person. There have been startling results.
*I pay much more attention when people are talking.
*My reading comprehension has increased.
*I'm more confident.
*I am engaged considerably more often in what I am doing.
*Concentration is easier and more natural.
*I am happier.
No shit.
So I urge you, friends of mine, when you're stressing out or bumming out or just plain foggy in the brainpan, sit down with a CD you haven't heard in a while. Put on some headphones or something if you must. It has to be loud. You have to truly listen and clear your mind, just focus on the music. You might learn shit about yourself you didn't think possible.
Oh god this is starting to sound like a salespitch or some motivational seminar shit. Ack. Well anyways...