Ack! I almost got "outed" at work today
Alright, so I work in a small, independent scholarly/academic used bookstore that keeps itself afloat by selling some University coursebooks at the request of our Professor customers. It's the best "crappy" job I've ever had (crappy in that it's still retail but it's the pinacle of retail) - I get paid decently, have an hour paid lunch break, flexible hours and I really like my co-workers. No uniform of any kind and I pick my own tunes. Also, I'm not selling something that I don't believe in.
It's also an interesting experience for someone like me who loves learning and does want to got to graduate school and teach but has reservations about some of the snobbery and isolation that can exist in academia. Professors and graduate students flow in and out of our doors and I'm like a fly on the wall - people don't have to pay that much attention to the girl selling the books. So I can observe what kind of academic I do and do not want to be. I definitely do NOT want to be like the people who come into our store and cannot function like human beings with ordinary social skills and/or treat me like a serf. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of really great people who come in - "regulars" at a hole in the wall bookstore can be might interesting folk. But then there are people like the bevy of grad students who came in today and had a very loud conversation in which they engaged in bizarre rituals of subtle one-upmanship and cattiness disguised by massively multi-syllabic words. I don't even think they realized they were doing it.
Anyway, one of them I had met at a party one time. I was with a couple of closer friends and walked in on a conversation where this girl says, "Have you heard of this thing where people like write sex stories about the people on Star Trek?" My friend started laughing and so did I - not in a mean way, more in a "I'm drunk and there are people inadvertantly almost talking about my secret life." Anyhoo, I ended up telling her about my fanfic writing. No big.
Until today, when she's in my store and starts talking to me about it relatively loudly in the vicinity of my boss. I'm pretty positive that I told her that it's not something I tell everyone about. But then here I am, trying to work and she's got her friend there and she's asking her, "so you're part of the Buffy cult too, right? She (meaning me) writes these..." At which point I gestured desperately in the direction of my boss, making the universal symbol for "please, please shut it now." I also gave pained sort of vague answers and tried to steer the conversation towards more general discussion of Buffy. Which worked. *whew* Then I got out from behind the counter and casually picked up a stack of books and walked by her and whispered, "I'm sorry if I was being weird but my boss is the main person I'm not 'out' about that to."
She apologized and I know that she meant it but *Sheesh* Some people just do not get it. I realize that if I ever publish anything about fandom, I will be "outed" to the world, but I do believe that it's up to me to choose when and how that happens. I just don't feel like having my boss know about my porn about television characters right now. It wouldn't have been the end of the world for me, but for a lot of other people it really *is* a very big issue and I just had a little taste of what that fear must feel like for all of you school teachers, etc. out there. Yikes.
So, has anyone else had an experience like this? A near miss? Feared it or had someone not respect your privacy about your fannish activities? How did you deal?
(I do want to say that I am not *ashamed* of being a fan and that most everyone in my life knows but that in this situation it was about two things: the invasion of my professional space and also the fact that I was not able to control what this other person was revealing about me.)
It's also an interesting experience for someone like me who loves learning and does want to got to graduate school and teach but has reservations about some of the snobbery and isolation that can exist in academia. Professors and graduate students flow in and out of our doors and I'm like a fly on the wall - people don't have to pay that much attention to the girl selling the books. So I can observe what kind of academic I do and do not want to be. I definitely do NOT want to be like the people who come into our store and cannot function like human beings with ordinary social skills and/or treat me like a serf. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of really great people who come in - "regulars" at a hole in the wall bookstore can be might interesting folk. But then there are people like the bevy of grad students who came in today and had a very loud conversation in which they engaged in bizarre rituals of subtle one-upmanship and cattiness disguised by massively multi-syllabic words. I don't even think they realized they were doing it.
Anyway, one of them I had met at a party one time. I was with a couple of closer friends and walked in on a conversation where this girl says, "Have you heard of this thing where people like write sex stories about the people on Star Trek?" My friend started laughing and so did I - not in a mean way, more in a "I'm drunk and there are people inadvertantly almost talking about my secret life." Anyhoo, I ended up telling her about my fanfic writing. No big.
Until today, when she's in my store and starts talking to me about it relatively loudly in the vicinity of my boss. I'm pretty positive that I told her that it's not something I tell everyone about. But then here I am, trying to work and she's got her friend there and she's asking her, "so you're part of the Buffy cult too, right? She (meaning me) writes these..." At which point I gestured desperately in the direction of my boss, making the universal symbol for "please, please shut it now." I also gave pained sort of vague answers and tried to steer the conversation towards more general discussion of Buffy. Which worked. *whew* Then I got out from behind the counter and casually picked up a stack of books and walked by her and whispered, "I'm sorry if I was being weird but my boss is the main person I'm not 'out' about that to."
She apologized and I know that she meant it but *Sheesh* Some people just do not get it. I realize that if I ever publish anything about fandom, I will be "outed" to the world, but I do believe that it's up to me to choose when and how that happens. I just don't feel like having my boss know about my porn about television characters right now. It wouldn't have been the end of the world for me, but for a lot of other people it really *is* a very big issue and I just had a little taste of what that fear must feel like for all of you school teachers, etc. out there. Yikes.
So, has anyone else had an experience like this? A near miss? Feared it or had someone not respect your privacy about your fannish activities? How did you deal?
(I do want to say that I am not *ashamed* of being a fan and that most everyone in my life knows but that in this situation it was about two things: the invasion of my professional space and also the fact that I was not able to control what this other person was revealing about me.)