eric is my world
im hanging out with E tonight getting high...im having a good time bonding talking about our shit...im high as a kite!! listening to Nelly Furtado...im downloading all kinda music to fill a 30gb ipod..ive been slipping off my plan not to get high so much but temptation is a motherfucker..
.today I have to see judith and i thinking of confessing everything ive been doing from pills to coke...but she will tell DR. Hennessy and it will be bad. i might get placed in the hospital...its self medication..to distract myself from the horrors of everyday life..its had to cope sometimes cause im always alone cause my socialization skils are weak...its hard for me to meet new people cause i dont trust everyone i see..im private really...im scared to die alone...
i cant help it cause my mother is ill and i cant cope with that..she might die...im going to see her asap.i have to ride greyhound tho...im going to hate that but oh well...i almost cried today when i had a psyche eval cause of my mom....shes back in the hospital again. she might be having seizures again..mom didnt reveal that cause shes scared the state will take her license away. so grandma told the nurse and they noted that in her file...im so scared so sometime in feb im going down. after the dentist visit on the 22nd..since im a vet i think tickets are half fare..ill check tomorrow when im done with therapy...
ah therapy...it helps me alot plus im attached to her. she actually listens to what i have to say about life..she just wants to see me happy and stable, which I am far from..i started taking all my meds and I feel so drousy but alert...today the interviewer could tell i was nervous and it was hard to talk to her...so ill find out the result in a couple of weeks which ill still recieve my monthly payments...no worries..i had to bring like 5 bottles of meds which are new since the last interview..its gotten better with therapy and group cause we all support each other...and look forward to seeing each other aswell...i got so mad cause the pharmacy fucked up on my meds so i started cursing at the lady then Al appears and talks for me.. i was about to loose it..and fuck those va cops..im not scared of them at all...
I think chris is starting to like me more than a friend..what do i do???i hope im not leading him on...last time we got fucked up i barely remember what happened....chris hasnt had a gf in 2 years either..hes 47 way too old for me...but we can be close tho..we have alot in common thats why we get on so well...i think of him like someone who needs love but not in a sexual way tho from me...i care alot about him..and our mental illness...but he uses Heroin sometimes and i cant tolerate that shit from anyone cause heroin is the devil...he tried to make me feel bad cause he spent like 400 dollars on crack cause last time he was here he got high..so he goes on a binge..not my fault at all...
its late and im chillin typing in this journal cause I am bored and i need to vent....i am mad at myself for getting my credit card shredded at wa mu yesterday..i put my credit card in the machine thinking it was the debit card and i got the pin wrong and it took my card..im a dumbass..no money till i go to a banking center tomorrow..hope it isnt too cold out..
thats it..
Andi
.today I have to see judith and i thinking of confessing everything ive been doing from pills to coke...but she will tell DR. Hennessy and it will be bad. i might get placed in the hospital...its self medication..to distract myself from the horrors of everyday life..its had to cope sometimes cause im always alone cause my socialization skils are weak...its hard for me to meet new people cause i dont trust everyone i see..im private really...im scared to die alone...
i cant help it cause my mother is ill and i cant cope with that..she might die...im going to see her asap.i have to ride greyhound tho...im going to hate that but oh well...i almost cried today when i had a psyche eval cause of my mom....shes back in the hospital again. she might be having seizures again..mom didnt reveal that cause shes scared the state will take her license away. so grandma told the nurse and they noted that in her file...im so scared so sometime in feb im going down. after the dentist visit on the 22nd..since im a vet i think tickets are half fare..ill check tomorrow when im done with therapy...
ah therapy...it helps me alot plus im attached to her. she actually listens to what i have to say about life..she just wants to see me happy and stable, which I am far from..i started taking all my meds and I feel so drousy but alert...today the interviewer could tell i was nervous and it was hard to talk to her...so ill find out the result in a couple of weeks which ill still recieve my monthly payments...no worries..i had to bring like 5 bottles of meds which are new since the last interview..its gotten better with therapy and group cause we all support each other...and look forward to seeing each other aswell...i got so mad cause the pharmacy fucked up on my meds so i started cursing at the lady then Al appears and talks for me.. i was about to loose it..and fuck those va cops..im not scared of them at all...
I think chris is starting to like me more than a friend..what do i do???i hope im not leading him on...last time we got fucked up i barely remember what happened....chris hasnt had a gf in 2 years either..hes 47 way too old for me...but we can be close tho..we have alot in common thats why we get on so well...i think of him like someone who needs love but not in a sexual way tho from me...i care alot about him..and our mental illness...but he uses Heroin sometimes and i cant tolerate that shit from anyone cause heroin is the devil...he tried to make me feel bad cause he spent like 400 dollars on crack cause last time he was here he got high..so he goes on a binge..not my fault at all...
its late and im chillin typing in this journal cause I am bored and i need to vent....i am mad at myself for getting my credit card shredded at wa mu yesterday..i put my credit card in the machine thinking it was the debit card and i got the pin wrong and it took my card..im a dumbass..no money till i go to a banking center tomorrow..hope it isnt too cold out..
thats it..
Andi