A little bit about my life and the fandoms that have saved it through the years:
A little bit about my life and the fandoms that have saved it through the years:
Okay, so I'm sure some of you guys already know about my creepy-ass ex-boyfriend but I'm going to tell you all over again. So he basically had me pinned against a wall with no place to go at age 16. Bare in mind I was already questioning if he was the right guy for me... nope. Not at all.
Before then I'd had some self-esteem wobbles and dramas but no full-on breakdowns. This guy brought it all back and then some. I managed to get free before he could get himself inside me but... let's just say scenes like that are REALLY tough to watch for me. Anyway, around that time I'd started another of my already yearly Xena re-watches.
I got home that night, took a bath, pretended like nothing was wrong, I couldn't stand to tell my parents (I still haven't and never will) but I struggled so much with what I was feeling. I never told anyone at the school either. I was alone and in a really dark place but I sat down that night, shaking and honestly terrified about how I'd cope and tried to convince myself to calm down.
That wasn't happening for a while before I finally turned to what I considered my 'safe place' (Xena) about the time I was starting to think I would never relax, there she was. Ephiny. Confident, strong and female. Exactly what I needed at the time. So... that was pretty much the start of fandoms and friends in those fandoms saving my life.
Let's fast-forward some shall we. Now 19 and struggling to find a place in my classes at college I was really down and desperate to feel like part of something. It was around this time I came across both the Power Rangers and Doctor Who fandoms properly. Through them I have come to know some of my nearest and dearest friends. These however pale compared to some other fandoms, as much as they hold much of my life in them.
I moved on, got hooked on Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing on Ice, rewatched classic WWE episodes and fell in love with people like Kelly Kelly, Lita, Erin Boag and others. They too have saved me sometimes. There are days even now I think 'why continue' and the answer always comes back 'but what about...' The girls I met in these fandoms have become some of my closest friends and I trust them too to keep my story quiet.
Another few years go by with Strictly and the other fandoms sustaining my fragile will to live. People, lovers, come and go and I am left desperate and alone again. I lose first one lover, then another to cancer, I lose friends to suicide, I lose my Nana, my dog, my Uncle and an Aunt who were all very dear to me. Just when I'm giving up a friend shows me TNA. TNA sustains me for almost half a year and then the job-seeking starts to tear at me. I am useless, the jobcentre tells me as much and I fall apart. I'm now 26 and I'm broken. I can't survive, I'm thinking I've had enough.
I get a knife one night when my parents are away and I seriously consider what to do next. Do I live, or do I end it? The TV has been on 5 since I got in that day and purely by chance I happen to look up exactly at the time they introduce us to Bea. Strong, confident, troubled but not broken Bea. I tune in for weeks after that and by the time I've turned 27 Bea says something that hits home.
"You need to find the guts to do what you have to to survive."
That is what I live by now and I can only thank whatever scheduling gods at 5 decided to show me Wentworth that day because even in the darkest hour I had something to hold on to. I no longer need to see Bea to be strong but it helps, in those days when the world seems all too tough that quote comes back to haunt me and I can only thank god it did.
So those of you saying 'Dude, Danielle's hot and all but why are you so damn protective of her?' That's why. Two different times I could have given in to the darkness and both times Danielle's voice, Danielle's beautiful face have somehow been there to yell at me, remind me to grow some god damn guts and get on with life. All I can honestly think of to say is 'thank you'.
Okay, so I'm sure some of you guys already know about my creepy-ass ex-boyfriend but I'm going to tell you all over again. So he basically had me pinned against a wall with no place to go at age 16. Bare in mind I was already questioning if he was the right guy for me... nope. Not at all.
Before then I'd had some self-esteem wobbles and dramas but no full-on breakdowns. This guy brought it all back and then some. I managed to get free before he could get himself inside me but... let's just say scenes like that are REALLY tough to watch for me. Anyway, around that time I'd started another of my already yearly Xena re-watches.
I got home that night, took a bath, pretended like nothing was wrong, I couldn't stand to tell my parents (I still haven't and never will) but I struggled so much with what I was feeling. I never told anyone at the school either. I was alone and in a really dark place but I sat down that night, shaking and honestly terrified about how I'd cope and tried to convince myself to calm down.
That wasn't happening for a while before I finally turned to what I considered my 'safe place' (Xena) about the time I was starting to think I would never relax, there she was. Ephiny. Confident, strong and female. Exactly what I needed at the time. So... that was pretty much the start of fandoms and friends in those fandoms saving my life.
Let's fast-forward some shall we. Now 19 and struggling to find a place in my classes at college I was really down and desperate to feel like part of something. It was around this time I came across both the Power Rangers and Doctor Who fandoms properly. Through them I have come to know some of my nearest and dearest friends. These however pale compared to some other fandoms, as much as they hold much of my life in them.
I moved on, got hooked on Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing on Ice, rewatched classic WWE episodes and fell in love with people like Kelly Kelly, Lita, Erin Boag and others. They too have saved me sometimes. There are days even now I think 'why continue' and the answer always comes back 'but what about...' The girls I met in these fandoms have become some of my closest friends and I trust them too to keep my story quiet.
Another few years go by with Strictly and the other fandoms sustaining my fragile will to live. People, lovers, come and go and I am left desperate and alone again. I lose first one lover, then another to cancer, I lose friends to suicide, I lose my Nana, my dog, my Uncle and an Aunt who were all very dear to me. Just when I'm giving up a friend shows me TNA. TNA sustains me for almost half a year and then the job-seeking starts to tear at me. I am useless, the jobcentre tells me as much and I fall apart. I'm now 26 and I'm broken. I can't survive, I'm thinking I've had enough.
I get a knife one night when my parents are away and I seriously consider what to do next. Do I live, or do I end it? The TV has been on 5 since I got in that day and purely by chance I happen to look up exactly at the time they introduce us to Bea. Strong, confident, troubled but not broken Bea. I tune in for weeks after that and by the time I've turned 27 Bea says something that hits home.
"You need to find the guts to do what you have to to survive."
That is what I live by now and I can only thank whatever scheduling gods at 5 decided to show me Wentworth that day because even in the darkest hour I had something to hold on to. I no longer need to see Bea to be strong but it helps, in those days when the world seems all too tough that quote comes back to haunt me and I can only thank god it did.
So those of you saying 'Dude, Danielle's hot and all but why are you so damn protective of her?' That's why. Two different times I could have given in to the darkness and both times Danielle's voice, Danielle's beautiful face have somehow been there to yell at me, remind me to grow some god damn guts and get on with life. All I can honestly think of to say is 'thank you'.