CLASSIFIED: Female Autobot Files
Author: Onyx17
Title: Call
Characters: Elita One, Sideswipe, Optimus Prime, Prowl
Genre: Humour
Rating: T
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Elita One’s foot tapped with steady, impatient clacks, steely pink arms crossed and posture straight but agitated. The only other sounds in the room emanated from the gargantuan communications system; electric ruffles of static jumbled with beeps and pops of varying pitch from the still unanswered communiqué.
She puffed out a sigh of hot air, servos rising to rub along the side of her faceplates. She’d left the message a little over a breem ago and felt her patience beginning to slip.
Bizzzzzzzzzz
Elita gave a rather undignified snort. It was simply typical that the first instant in over a mega-cycle she gathered enough time to contact the bots on Earth there was no one to answer her-
“Woah! Sorry about that!” an unfamiliar, but otherwise loud and cheery voice crackled into life and cut short her silent broodings. The voice continued, “Only people in base right now are me and three others; had to practically sprint from the other side of the Ark to get here…Anyways, what’s up?” Elita vented a relieved sigh, draining herself of the pent up frustration she’d accumulated in her waiting time.
“It’s alright…I’m sorry but could you activate the monitor?”
“Oh right! Hehe, I’ll just…ugh…hold on a second…” Elita raised an optic ridge. A second? What in Primus’ name…
She shook it off; strange Earth lingo no doubt. She’d long since discovered from her lengthy conversations with Optimus that picking up earthen phrases was one of the many consequences of having been stationed there for so long. A fondness for something called basketball was another.
For the next klik all that could be heard over the communication speakers were static muffled curses and gracelessly shuffling pedes. Finally, a mech came into view when a broad red and black frame filled the screen. Regrettably the mech himself was just as unfamiliar to her as his voice was…Elita abhorred awkward introductions.
“Hey! Sorry about that” he grinned broadly and gave a single wink, “I’m not exactly used to using this thing…technically I’m not authorised to, but whatever. You can keep a secret right babe?”
Elita blanched at the informal manner with which the mech spoke to her. Babe…? She was so familiarized to being addressed as “ma’am” or “commander” that this left her feeling rather unbalanced, to say the least.
“So anyways, Prime and the rest of the top guys aren’t home right now. Can I take a message?” he dropped into the chair opposite the monitor and crossed his arms behind his helm.
Oh well, no sense dawdling.
“Umm, yes that would probably be best…Could you tell him that-”
“My name’s Sideswipe by the way” the mech cut in, optics bright and fixed on her own. Elita paused, uncertain of what exactly she was supposed to do with that information.
“…..Ok…um…As I was saying, if you could tell Optimus that-”
“What was yours?” his voice stopped her again.
She stared at him in silence for a moment, then slowly replied, “Elita One” The mech gave a crooked grin.
“Pretty. Anyway, you were saying?”
Elita gazed searchingly at the mech, who returned her stare with unbridled innocence.
“If you could just tell Optimus that I called and I would…would appreciate a response at the…um…the earliest date…” her voice wavered in clarity as she noticed Sideswipes optics flicker away from her faceplates, grin still very much in place. What was he…? Surely he couldn’t be…
Elita’s sudden lapse into silence had apparently recaptured his attention as Sideswipe’s optics snapped back to her own, dogged grin still firmly set. Elita let a slight frown crease her optic ridges.
“Sideswipe, you do know who I am correct?”
“Huh…? What do you…Yeah, you’re Elita” he gave her a slightly confused look, “You just told me babe”
Elita blinked.
“You don’t know my...rank?”
Sideswipe’s puzzlement only seemed to deepen, “Well, no I mean…I just met you…What are you, like forth in command or something?”
Elita frowned, “Why do you say that?”
“Well, I mean…come on! You couldn’t be any higher than that. You’re way too young” he said with a slight chuckle. Elita felt her faceplates stretch in surprise, frown dissipating
“Too…young…?”
“Well, yeah! I mean, you can’t be much older than me right? Sure, you’re mature and speak formally and everything, but you look young to me”
Elita was fairly certain that her blatantly stunned expression, slowly developing an elated glow, threw another layer of confusion over the steadily growing mound in Sideswipe’s processor.
“And ugh…how young would you say?” she casually questioned, desperately attempting to keep her composure.
“Ugh…Roughly, I’d say twenty-five…maybe thirty thousand vorns at the most…” he guessed, rubbing the back of his helm.
Well if he was confused before it was probably safe to say that he was outright bewildered at the sudden astonished beam that lit her entire expression. Elita felt an irrepressible giddy air overtake her; something she attempted to quickly remedy by softly clearing her intakes in what she hoped a dignified manner.
“Well, ahem, that’s very…flattering, Sideswipe” she got out, optics a happy shade of azure, “But I-”
“Ah, hold that thought babe” he hastily cut in, jerking his helm in the direction of something off-screen. Whatever is was it seemed to have garnered his rapt and rather fearful attention. Slowly a nervous grin stretched across his faceplates.
“Hehe, hey Prowl….How was the ugh-”
“Why are you at the communications monitor, Sideswipe?” a familiar, crisp tone cut him off. Elita inwardly winced in sympathy for the young mech; doubtless the SIC would be less than impressed with his breaking of regulations.
“I was…ugh, just answering this call” he hastily gestured towards the monitor. Soon a familiar black and white frame stepped into view, though Prowl seemed to be too engaged in piercing Sideswipe with a reprimanding frown to discern the caller.
“You know you are unauthorised to use this console; you are not even supposed to be in this room. Have you forgotten a certain incident in which you-”
“Awww, come on! That was mega-cycles ago! Red Alert got over it, why can’t you?”
“He only got over it because it caused his processor to fritz to the point where it reset itself, hence removing all memory data of the incident” he sharply responded, icy optics drilling into the sour-faced mech.
“But I had to answer the call!” he protested, “What was I supposed to do? Leave it to go to voice mail?”
“The proper action would have been to get one of the bases other two occupants, who were authorised to be in here, to answer it” Prowl was clearly unmoved by the mech’s plight. Elita felt a rush of sympathy for Sideswipe, not to mention a twinge of guilt considering she was the one who had called in the first place.
“Excuse me, Prowl” she finally cut in. Two sets of optics flicked towards her; one set vaguely surprised, the other clearly screaming ‘run while you can’.
The SIC quickly gathered himself, tone suitably formal, “Elita, my apologies we were unable to properly answer your call. There was an unforeseen event involving the Decepticons”
“It’s not a problem Prowl” she responded with a half-smile, “Tell me, is Optimus-”
“Elita” a recognizable and pleasantly sonorous voice spoke from off-screen just as an equally familiar impressive red and blue frame appeared, “It’s good to hear from you again”
The femme let her smile grow ever so slightly, “Likewise”
A comfortable silence set in before both gazes switched towards the two still present. Prowl quickly corrected himself.
“We’ll leave you to your reports” he briskly stated, giving both commanders a polite nod and Sideswipe a foreboding frown before making a bee-line towards the exit. Sideswipe gave Elita a crooked grin as he moved out of the chair and reluctantly followed the SIC out.
Elita gave him a parting smile as he left.
“Optimus?” she enquired after the door hissed shut.
“Yes?”
“Could you do me a favour?”
The Prime blinked in mild surprise, “Certainly….Are you in need of further base repairs? I believe Hoist is currently immersed in a project, but Grapple may be able to-”
“No, no, it’s nothing serious” she amusedly cut in, optics still glowing with grand jubilation. The Prime canted his head slightly in query, a silent request for her to elaborate.
With a brief clearing of intakes, the femme commander innocently asked, “Could you make sure Prowl goes easy on Sideswipe in future punishments?”
Now that garnered a definite look of shock from Optimus…Well, with the facemask it was difficult to be sure, but the widened blue optic’s evident increase in brilliance served as a decent indication.
He remained silent for a moment, uncertain of how exactly to respond to such an unanticipated and altogether rather unsettling request. In the end all that he could formulate as a response was an unintelligent “Ummm….why?”
Elita gave a crooked grin and small shrug, “He was very polite”